That no one said I look nice?

[FeelingLowf]

I’ve been very depressed for a while and my personal hygiene was not great as I was severely depressed. I stopped caring about how I look and I looked a state. No matter at home, school run or work I wore same thing: either black leggings or grey leggings with a long sleeve top in winter and shorter sleeve tops. Zero make up.

I decided for my kids sake I was going to change as I don’t even like to have photos with them.

Today was a get together with my eldest daughter’s class in school and I made a lot of effort. I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed. I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

what upset me is not one person said I look nice, not my husband, my friends at school, my work colleagues or even the school mums I chat to everyday.

I just feel really sad about it.

Sometimes if you want compliments you have to fish for them a little. People don't always say what they're thinking. Even if they do think you look nice, they might assume you know that. Or just not think there's a natural opening in the conversation to say so. And as others have said: most people are busy thinking about themselves.

Try giving them the opportunity to say something. "I haven't worn a dress in ages - it was nice getting glammed up for a change!" "I thought I'd change up my hair. I feel so much fresher!" Or give them a compliment, and see if they compliment something back. Most people do automatically.

I know a spontaneous compliment is nicer to receive, but sometimes you need to give people a nudge

I would never comment on someone else’s appearance like that, even if I thought they looked nice, in case it made them self conscious. Probably everyone there either thought you looked great, or didn’t notice what you look like!

Compliments have become a hot potato nowadays. Strange but true. I’m sure you looked lovely and If I’d known you I would have said so.

Don’t depend on others for validation. Self obsession is self sabotage. You did it for you and your children. Limit social media and read, take care and good luck.

Well done you OP for snapping out of it and making an effort! You are better/stronger than I! Go on post a picture and we will tell you you look nice:)

Just cut and pasting this from a thread this morning:

We had a training workshop last week, on "being respectful at work" (everyone did, I wasn't in a disciplinary or anything!) * . You're not supposed to comment on anyone's body, apparently. Even if it's a compliment or something like "have you lost weight"? You can't comment on a person's height, hair, feet, age, dress sense etc etc, because it might offend. Not as a joke, not as a conversation starter, not as a concern...
I think that's the way it's going, culturally. So this might be something to do with why no-one has commented.*

I once commented on a friends outfit “Oh WOW! You look amazing. I love that lipstick on you!” (I’m not an overly complimentary person just got the sake of it, but I give compliments when they are due)

She became really offended and said “Are you saying that I normally look a mess?” (She was like you and lived in leggings) and stopped speaking to me!

maybe people didn’t want to bring up your past ways?

i love a compliment, but only if I’ve made a real effort, or them seem insincere, so i do understand.

You did deserve to be recognised for the work you put in to look nice. I’m happy for you that you felt good. Remember that feeling and how good it made you feel to help you carry on in the future.
As for the people who didn’t say anything - people are self absorbed and only care about what is going on in their own lives. So, no they didn’t notice enough to say anything to you but I’m sure it will come to mind when you’re not there. A snapshot will come into their mind and they will see the effort you’ve put in. As you’re not there it will never be mentioned.
your partner/family are different and they should be complimenting you. Hopefully someone said something.
I suffer with depression etc so I can empathise with how you feel. Say well done to yourself and carry on making changes for you.

Well done for making the effort, I really wouldn't worry about comments from other mums. I think it just goes to show how little notice anyone really takes of us outside of our family. They are the only people I care about. Keep doing it for yourself, other school mums are really not important to your life. X

Well done for making the effort, I really wouldn't worry about comments from other mums. I think it just goes to show how little notice anyone really takes of us outside of our family. They are the only people I care about. Keep doing it for yourself, other school mums are really not important to your life. X

It's not true that nobody notices OP is it?