That no one said I look nice?

[FeelingLowf]

I’ve been very depressed for a while and my personal hygiene was not great as I was severely depressed. I stopped caring about how I look and I looked a state. No matter at home, school run or work I wore same thing: either black leggings or grey leggings with a long sleeve top in winter and shorter sleeve tops. Zero make up.

I decided for my kids sake I was going to change as I don’t even like to have photos with them.

Today was a get together with my eldest daughter’s class in school and I made a lot of effort. I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed. I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

what upset me is not one person said I look nice, not my husband, my friends at school, my work colleagues or even the school mums I chat to everyday.

I just feel really sad about it.

Congratulations op, well done on your efforts 👌
The most important opinion is yours!!
How did YOU feel?
Will you continue this self improvement?
Xx

That's over reaching. We have no idea why Op's husband didn't comment.

Honestly, please don't feel sad - it didn't cause a ripple. Our relationship is very jokey, so it is actually quite odd to slip into compliments - I'm no good at it myself. But we all have our points of pride - if he doesn't tell me, chapter and verse, how delicious his dinner was, dropping in the odd "restaurant quality" (it isn't), then he knows he's going to be in the dog box for quite a long time!

I think another way to look at this is that the people in your life that care about you treated you exactly the same whether you looked your best or not. They didn’t comment after your glow up but presumably they also didn’t comment when you didn’t look as good. There’s value in that consistency. And like everyone has said - just because they didn’t say didn’t mean they didn’t notice. Also - now you know that the next time you aren’t freshly waxed and blow dried (because you can’t be all the time!) they will all treat you exactly the same.

Probably because they love you for yourself………not for what you look like

Honestly people need to learn to compliment without offending "I love that dress" doesn't imply that you usually dress like a scruff just shows you have seen the person in a lovely dress telling someone an obvious haircut looks nice again not implying they look bad just shows they look good

We need to stop being so afraid and offended by everything

I’ve never commented on someone’s appearance.

I do compliment friends on an outfit but never hair, makeup.

My husband never notices what I wear, never has except to say
"Is that new? 😂

You made the effort and that’s enough. It’s the beginning. Do it for you and no one else.
Keep turning up for yourself, you can do it and it felt good.
Well done you👏, little steps.

I’m sure you looked fab!
I hoped you enjoyed the process, to hell with the others. You do it for you.
PS tell your dh how disappointed I am with him not noticing 😡

The OPs husband may be mean or he may not be. He may have had a good reason for not saying anything. The OPs mental health must have been very poor if she wasn’t even able to deal with her personal hygiene, it’s not hard to understand that the OPs husband may be finding things difficult too. It’s quite possible he is thoughtless or even ‘mean’ but you can’t possibly determine that from what the OP has said.

Maybe people thought you looked nice but didn’t get the chance to say it.

Someone said to me recently, You looked really nice the other day in that outfit. They didn’t say it at the time!

You did look good.

But you should be doing this for yourself and not for the reactions from others.

Carry on.

But don't be waiting for others to comments.

It's good if they do but not the be all or end off.

Anyway you know you made an effort and looked nice so hold on to that. You are doing the right thing.

As is so often the case, the first reply nails it…

You've missed the point. Posters are saying they do make that type of comment but they don't make comments about physical appearance.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect comments on your appearance, apart from perhaps from your husband. Receiving a compliment is a surprise and pleasure, not something you earn each time you dress up.

Well done. It’s a huge step and I bet you looked lovely.

I would have been a bit upset too 💐

I’m sorry, @FeelingLowf
Here’s the thing - I spent my entire life hearing people tell me how beautiful I was.
I was a national beauty queen in the US back when those were a thing.
Who gives a rat’s ass about that?
Empathy matters. Kindness. Charity. Good deeds.
I ran into a girl I knew from school who I hadn’t seen in 40 years, maybe longer.
She said, “I remember you…” And I froze - was she about to say something awful?
”I remember you - you were the only senior girl who waa nice to me.”
And that is far more important to me than any outfit I ever had on.
Are you up to volunteering somewhere? If you reach out with kindness to people, the rewards you’ll receive in return are far greater than some compliments on your outfits.
I know this. I promise you this.
Becauae I’ve volunteered. I’ve lived it.
You looked absolutely stunning.
I’m always around if you need a friend. ❤️

I tend not to comment on people that appear to have suddenly made more effort as it’s like telling them they looked like shit before.

This.

Sorry OP but its a minefield

If someone says you look nice, its an implicit acknowledgement that perhaps you were neglecting your self care before.

If no one says you look nice, it feels like you're not acknowledged.

No win situation.

Just make sure you did it for you and that you were satisfied and happy with how you turned out.

It’s impossible for others to know that you wanted compliments.

You actually sound like a nice and kind person through your post

I bet you looked great. How did you feel just before you went out of the door? That’s what matters. Value yourself, take care of yourself for you not other people’s approval.

This exact thing happened to me. Three years in leggings and supermarket t shirts and then I lost two stone and stepped into the dress I had been waiting to wear. I’d had it hanging on the outside of my wardrobe as encouragement to be successful on my diet and it took me a year. Dress a perfect fit, legs shaved, fresh make up and hair properly styled and… absolutely nothing. No comment from anyone at all.

I took several things from this though. Either no one cares what you look like, or no one is looking. Both quite liberating options. So I dress to make myself happy, sometimes I look gorgeous and sometimes hideous but as the above must be true I don’t care anymore!