That no one said I look nice?

[FeelingLowf]

I’ve been very depressed for a while and my personal hygiene was not great as I was severely depressed. I stopped caring about how I look and I looked a state. No matter at home, school run or work I wore same thing: either black leggings or grey leggings with a long sleeve top in winter and shorter sleeve tops. Zero make up.

I decided for my kids sake I was going to change as I don’t even like to have photos with them.

Today was a get together with my eldest daughter’s class in school and I made a lot of effort. I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed. I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

what upset me is not one person said I look nice, not my husband, my friends at school, my work colleagues or even the school mums I chat to everyday.

I just feel really sad about it.

I actually ask my oh “what do you think?” Otherwise they don’t even notice most of the time.

Nobody ever says I look nice either tbh, even though I compliment others. I don't expect it back just because I've said it but it would be nice occasionally if someone said anything!

Seriously OP don’t take it personally or see it as people not noticing. A mum in my child’s class has just lost loads of weight, really loads. She looks great. But I would never say anything, because I would never want the suggestion to be that she didn’t look good before the weight loss.

Well done on making the effort to feel better for yourself!

Lovely post. Wholeheartedly agree. Plus bejewelled is a top song

I would not comment on someone suddenly looking nicer because I feel it implies judgement on how they are otherwise either.
Doesn't mean I wouldn't think you look nice!

Please don’t be downhearted, OP, and don’t let it stop you doing what makes you feel great. I can understand why it upset you (I’ve lost loads of weight and was hoping for a few compliments) but people are much more reluctant to make comments on others’ appearance nowadays, for worry they’ll put their foot in it.

Good on you for feeling better about yourself. X

I think people are cautious about commenting on other people’s looks as it can come across badly even when it’s well intentioned. If people said to you that you looked nice now they might worry that that would imply that they didn’t think you looked nice before.

Maybe you didn't look that bad before OP and it wasn't as big as deal for everyone else as it was for you.

Some people react with embarrassment or defensiveness to compliments about their appearance, so I can see why a lot of people just don't go there.

Your DH is another matter though. He really should have noticed and said something nice to you. I think it would be reasonable to (calmly) tell him "I made a real effort to look nice today, and the fact that you didn't seem to notice made me feel a bit sad actually". Maybe he finds you equally beautiful whether you're in a nice dress with full make up or bare faced and in old leggings, OP and that's why he said nothing! But it would still be helpful for him to know that an occasional compliment would mean a lot to you.

Your husband might have felt commenting wasn’t the right thing to do since your mental health has been bad - it would draw attention to the fact you hadn’t been caring. It’s a 50:50 thing OP, but well done for taking care of yourself c

Some people don't like to comment on other people's appearance, even to say something nice. But also I think I have come to realise that people don't even take that much notice of what others look like.
I have recently lost over a stone no one except me has noticed!

It sounds like this self care made you feel good- that’s enough reason to carry on making the effort
l would not comment on someone who had a history of depression etc, for fear of highlighting the difference and drawing attention to something they were fighting with.( Unless l knew them really well)
Your Husband was a bit unfeeling, but as others have said, perhaps you look better than you thought.
Dress for yourself- give yourself some love and care x

I am struggling a bit myself with not identical but relatable issues so can I just say i really admire you for doing this and hope it inspires to face down mine. I do think people don’t know what to say but on the other hand “what a pretty dress” would have been fairly safe. Don’t let it get you down but let it give you confidence that you can. All the best and I bet you looked great

Why would anyone, other than maybe your husband, comment?

Honestly my DD had so many snappy at reactions at innocuous comments that now I just don’t mention anything ever.

It depends on the relationship but usually I just ask my partner for his opinion instead of waiting for him to say it.

Agree, I wouldn’t have commented either although I may have liked my husband to do so.

Well done OP, I bet you did look lovely.

Link to your dress?

Be happy for yourself and let how you look in the mirror motivate yourself, for yourself.

I bet you looked awesome, YOU know you looked awesome and that is the main thing. Don’t underestimate the strength it takes to do this. Well
done.

We are all fighting our own battles - you knew you’d let yourself go a bit, and pulled it back.
people didn’t see it and thought it was just the way you are, you still looked nice, presented well and probably have a lovely way with you that makes people actually like you as a person - so they’ve never really thought about how you dress or carry yourself.
But, keep at it, keep making the effort but keep being you too as that’s clearly what people notice about you !!

Yes, it's stupid. I haven't read the full thread, but I'm sure there'll be plenty of 'never comment on someone's appearance neither good or bad'. It's rubbish for people who want the nice comments!

Until very recently people always did comment when someone looked good and it was appreciated!

This

Well I guess you could take it that they don’t usually take much notice of your appearance and you don’t actually look a mess usually. You felt nice and felt good about yourself and that is fabulous. Nothing beats that feeling. Don’t be disheartened, people are just so caught up with themselves these days. However I would have said you looked nice. I always tell people if I think they look nice x

I always try not to comment on people’s appearance either way because you never how they’re feeling or how they might take it. I imagine a lot of people are the same, and I bet you looked lovely. Don’t let it upset you

Honestly I probably would have thought “oh x looks lovely” but I probably wouldn’t say anything because I tend to refrain from commenting on peoples appearance. I think my DD’s best friends mum is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met (inside and out) and I have never told her, which I think maybe I should.