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Original poster

To think that a vow renewal means marriage on last threads

193 replies

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 04/07/2025 11:15

...it's my 10 year wedding anniversary next year and I've always wanted to do a vow renewal/ second wedding because my first was rushed (planned in 4 weeks), I had morning sickness and couldn't drink, it was more about pleasing family than a day for me and my husband, my dress was awful and a last minute online order which I didn't have time to get fitted, and it was just not how I'd have wanted it to be.

Since then, I have wanted a vow renewal at the 10 year mark to basically have the fun party wedding I'd have wanted, that I actually get to enjoy this time. It would likely just be a late afternoon/evening do, with great food and music, where I get to wear a beautiful dress, and my husband and I write personal vows for each other.

But I keep thinking that everyone will think our marriage is in trouble or someone has cheated. Would you think the same if you were invited to a big vow renewal?

OP posts:
spilltheteapot · 04/07/2025 11:17

I would think it’s a bit OTT although would understand better once I knew your reasons (like your morning sickness etc).
What about a big anniversary party with a time slot for some heartfelt words to each other? It’s less formal.

PasDevantLes · 04/07/2025 11:20

I only ever see that on here, from a certain type of poster. In Ireland, at least, it's the kind of thing my parents' generation (hitting 80) does for significant wedding anniversaries, so it would be viewed as deeply trad and old-timer-y.

My uncle and his wife had the same priest who married them say the mass at which they renewed their vows for their 50th wedding anniversary, for instance.

NoWomanNoBuy · 04/07/2025 11:20

Unfortunately it does raise an eyebrow. Not because I think it's the case every single time - it obviously isn't - but it's a trope for a reason.

Why not just have a great party and wear a great dress?

I'd much rather write vows to each other and keep that very intimate thing private between the two of us anyway, if I were so inclined. Which I'm not, so maybe I just don't get why you want to do that bit.

SamDeanCas · 04/07/2025 11:21

I’ve never thought that a marriage was in the rocks if you had a renewal, never heard that until I joined mn.

my friend had one for her 10th anniversary and it was lovely. I think in your circumstances, I can completely understand why you’d want to. So go for it

NoWomanNoBuy · 04/07/2025 11:22

If it's a part of your culture that's obviously very different.

araiwa · 04/07/2025 11:22

That thought wouldn't enter my head

Gall10 · 04/07/2025 11:24

If you have to renew vows…someone must have broken them.
Personally I think it’s ridiculous….are you after more presents or ‘no boxed gifts’ to pay for your ‘second honeymoon’ (basically get the friends to pay for your next holiday).
What on earth is all these ‘events’ about? And don’t get me started on baby showers (more gifts please) probably they’ll start saying ‘no boxed gifts’ for these as well.
And school proms? WTF!
America has a lot to answer for… not just trump!

NoSoupForU · 04/07/2025 11:25

My friend had a vow renewal for precisely the reason you've outlined. She wanted to have their wedding in their way, after her mother dictated what she could do for her actual wedding.

I don't really see many people who are having huge issues in their relationship rush to renew their wedding vows in all honesty.

But why are you so bothered what people might think? Your relationship is yours, not theirs!

Gall10 · 04/07/2025 11:25

araiwa · 04/07/2025 11:22

That thought wouldn't enter my head

It’s the first thing I would think!

PollyBell · 04/07/2025 11:26

In itself no if it is between 2 people doing it for themselves, the need for an audience i find a little odd, and yes to me a wedding itself is different

I would also thinh the same for couple that have 2 or 3 weddings, the legal one i get the rest not so much if you want an audience that is

Mikart · 04/07/2025 11:27

Just have an anniversary party

NoWomanNoBuy · 04/07/2025 11:27

10 or 15 years also makes a difference. So maybe these days it's actually just a thing that quite a few people do and it doesn't really signify last ditch shore-up as much as it used to.

It used to be akin to holding a baby shower but every other woman seems to do that too now.

ScratCat · 04/07/2025 11:27

I think vowel renewals are daft, the first ones don’t have an expiry date. And yes, I would assume it was because of infidelity that the original vows were broken.

yeesh · 04/07/2025 11:29

I would think one of you had cheated just because everyone I know who has had a vow renewal has cheated on their spouse 🤷‍♀️

NoWomanNoBuy · 04/07/2025 11:29

Awful mixing of metaphors there!

Anyway. @Dannydevitoiloveyourart you'll probably get about 50/50 of your guests thinking it and being oblivious so I guess it's up to you! If it's important to you to do the specific wedding-esque thing, then do! Otherwise there's nothing stopping you having a fantastic party.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 04/07/2025 11:29

I've seen loads of threads over the years on here where it's almost unanimous that people think 'renewing' vows means someone has cheated/marriage is almost over.
I've been with my husband 20years and wouldn't need to renew the vows because nothing has changed and I meant them the first time.

Why not just have an anniversary party? You could say the renewed vows to each other in private.

trawlerwoman · 04/07/2025 11:29

My friend also has her 10 year anniversary next summer and has mentioned having a vow renewal, and the first thing my partner said was "oh my god, I didn't know he'd had an affair". I agree with above, something like a nice party would be better imho.

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 04/07/2025 11:29

I’ve never thought that a marriage was in the rocks if you had a renewal, never heard that until I joined mn.

Same. I always assumed circumstances or difficult family members meant the couple didn't have the day they wanted, so they were having a bit of a do over.

Girasoli · 04/07/2025 11:30

@PasDevantLes they do a similar thing in Italy, people might have a special blessing around significant wedding anniversaries.I remember going to my aunt and uncles.

Girasoli · 04/07/2025 11:31

I don't know, if it's super popular anymore outside of villages though.

CanOfMangoTango · 04/07/2025 11:32

I would assume one of the party had an affair tbh.

But an anniversary party is a lovely thing to do.

okydokethen · 04/07/2025 11:32

I didnt know it meant that tbh! I’d only ever renew wedding vows if I was a million percent about the marriage or it would be so embarrassing!
your renewal sounds fun!

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 04/07/2025 11:35

Have a huge anniversary party instead.

I would assume there had been slips in behaviour if a renewal was on the cards. It's a trope for a reason.

HoppingPavlova · 04/07/2025 11:36

I’d assume one party had an affair, the other was silly enough to suck it up, and the vow renewal was their way of pretending to themselves they are starting with a clean slate. Otherwise I’d just think people would have an anniversary celebration.

MsRinky · 04/07/2025 11:37

The vows made were until death, so don't need renewing unless they've been broken. Just have an anniversary party if you want one.