To think that a vow renewal means marriage on last threads

[Dannydevitoiloveyourart]

...it's my 10 year wedding anniversary next year and I've always wanted to do a vow renewal/ second wedding because my first was rushed (planned in 4 weeks), I had morning sickness and couldn't drink, it was more about pleasing family than a day for me and my husband, my dress was awful and a last minute online order which I didn't have time to get fitted, and it was just not how I'd have wanted it to be.

Since then, I have wanted a vow renewal at the 10 year mark to basically have the fun party wedding I'd have wanted, that I actually get to enjoy this time. It would likely just be a late afternoon/evening do, with great food and music, where I get to wear a beautiful dress, and my husband and I write personal vows for each other.

But I keep thinking that everyone will think our marriage is in trouble or someone has cheated. Would you think the same if you were invited to a big vow renewal?

Some people who I've known to do vow renewals are the type who've ran out of christenings, baby showers, hen dos, weddings, dogs birthdays etc to make a fuss and receive gifts for 😅 So they do this.
If you're certain you're not those people, go for it!

But an anniversary party is much more lovely.

And to add, sure, you didn't get the wedding you wanted....

But have you gotten the marriage you wanted?

Because one is not the same as the other. I know which is the real celebration 💕

Have a party and incorporate a blessing. You could ask a close friend to do the blessing for you.

If I heard a couple were having a vows renewal I'd think that one of them had cheated anf broken the original vows.

If invited to a vows renewal I wouldn't go, they are as silly as gender reveals and baby showers!

Pointless.

Why not just have a lovely party?

This is such an important point
A long and happy marriage is far more romantic than any wedding day

@godmum56 you say "of course" you had vows, but your wedding was in a church (as was my first one) so yes, that's "of course". But I was wondering about people with non-church weddings, like my second one. It seems to be a given on this thread that everyone had vows at their wedding. I was just wondering if anyone else didn't have any.

The thought wouldn’t enter my head either why would you think this am I missing something . Surely it means the exact opposite

That sounds beautiful ☺️.

I know a gay couple who had a register office wedding the day it became legal for gay couples to marry, they viewed their original wedding as being something in a council office block. Last year they had a beautiful proper wedding in a castle with an amazing reception & party afterwards. If you had married in a register office there would be nothing stopping you having another ceremony in a church.

party pooper

Round my way, people use it as a celebration of their marriage for a significant anniversary and an excuse for a party. I'd hoped to do it for our Pearl Wedding, but DH died before we'd quite made it to the 27 yr mark.

Go for it, OP! Have fun.

I wouldn't want one myself, because I'd dislike all the attention, but I wouldn't assume anything bad about a marriage if a couple wanted one, though an anniversary party might be a nice alternative to a vow renewal, as pp have suggested.

My aunt and uncle had one several years ago. They're been married well over 40 years and are still going strong, as far as I know!

I would think the marriage was ending soon. I’ve seen it from people who have had vow renewal, all broke up after All seems a bit attention seeking tbh. You can do it in private without making a big fuss but I do generally find this the case

At least I won’t be paying for the party!

Haha I’m only joking but yeh I get what you mean. Everything is about making money these days.

Your marriage vows don't expire, so it's unnecessary to renew them unless one of you has broken them.

A tenth wedding anniversary on the other hand is a perfect reason to have a big celebration. If you want some kind of ceremony, have a close friend or family do a speech about your devotion to each other, your children and joint successes and/or speak yourselves.

I wouldn't do vows of any kind though. The ones you pledged ten years ago are the important ones. They are as good now as they were then and will remain so for the rest of your lives. Don't cheapen them for the sake of a party.

I've never actually known of anyone have a vow renewal thing but I would find it cringey to listen to. Just have a party if you want one. Most people aren't that interested in other people's weddings in the first place so they'll be less interested in a vow renewal ceremony.