Relatives living with us - no jobs

[BunnyVV]

we have some relatives from overseas staying with us. I agreed to help them with somewhere to stay and sustenance until they got jobs etc.
i have welcomed them into my home and treated them as family. Things are not easy for us due to the cost of living but I am very good at budgeting. We eat well thanks to good prep for home-cooking. I work hard and earn moderately well but the mortgage etc is big. I enjoy some nice things, eg a glass of posh gin on a Saturday, gym membership etc because I prefer not to spend elsewhere (beauty treatments, takeaways).
the problem is that they are not trying hard enough to get work, or they turn down what they don’t fancy (eg have to get 2 buses to get there).

it’s been 10 weeks. They do not have anything full-time. They agreed they’d take bar work whilst looking for something better, but that’s not happening. I’m tired of sharing nice things 10 weeks on. I need to find the courage to tell them that the smoked salmon is only for me, the gin is only for me, please don’t eat the whole bar of green & blacks chocolate because I like a square at night sometimes. It’s not right I go to the cupboard and theres none there. I need to tell them not to touch the nibbles and beer I keep in a cupboard for unexpected visitors. but I feel like a horrible person in doing so.
they have no income. But my income cannot sustain this any more. I don’t want to stop buying things that I like to have in my own kitchen. I work hard and I get to chose what’s in my fridge and cupboards. why do they eat smoked salmon instead of ham? When the smoked salmon runs out, then they eat the ham.
they seem completely oblivious to the problem. I didn’t set any ground rules because I didn’t imagine it would get to this point. I assumed they’d be gone 40 hours a week working.
how do I sit there and enjoy a posh gnt on a sunny evening whilst they sit there and watch me whilst drinking water?!??? I end up not enjoying the gnt.

Give them a time limit. They have lost any sense of urgency and need a kick up the arse.

Who else is in the family home?

Agree with a time limit. And a lockable fridge box for your treats. I'd be making things a lot less comfortable for them.

How long did you agree to fund them for? Do they have any language barriers for working here? Any qualifications to get jobs?

You have been very generous, but you need to lay down ground rules right now.

They need to be gone in 6 weeks, and if that means they have to go back home, so be it.

You can tell them what food they can and cannot eat.

Are these your relatives or your husbands? If they are his let him deal with them.

10 weeks! Good grief. Tell them you need a financial contribution as of this week. No ifs no buts. Sounds more like a holiday for them, if they can't get a job, they go home. And make sure you arrange a date for your 10 week holiday to their home.

Keep the gin and the chocolate in your bedroom along with any other treats that are fine outside the fridge. For the next 2 weeks, limit your own smoked salmon consumption to what you can eat immediately after you purchase it. Give them 2 weeks notice today that your hospitality is over and that while you were happy to welcome them, you were expecting them to be accepting whatever part time work they could get started with and be gone in 6 weeks and you are not prepared to give them any more. You have the right to enjoy your own home without having CF guests like this who are trespassing on your good nature.

You can buy fridge lock cages to go jnto the fridge, I used them as have kids with additonal needs who have impulse control issues around food and can't afford to replace entire meals

Give them notice. They have no intention of moving on.

I am not buying fridge locks. I want my home to be my home run on rational and reasonable behaviour. Locking food away is not right. I am uncomfortable about having the conversation but that’s what’s needed. I am shocked because I never thought it would get to this.
thanks for the suggestions on time limits. That’s the way to do it.
my eldest daughter is overseas for uni so just my other 3 kids and husband at home. When I was younger I took any job going so I’m shocked they are not doing this. Their language is fine and they worked worse jobs back in their home country. I think they’ve just got too comfortable not paying rent and there’s no urgency to work if they have access to everything they need.

You are subjecting three children and your husband to lazy rude and entitled guests for 10 weeks and no end in sight

how about prioritising your children and husband over these relatives of yours?

The money you’re blowing on these relatives

could go towards your children and plans for the summer holidays and treats or savings for them

10 weeks is taking the piss. Why can they not rent a room elsewhere? You are going to find it uncomfortable but you need to have an honest talk with them. You agreed to put them up under the assumption they would be proactive in finding accommodation and work. They haven't done that and you now want your home back. They know they are being CF as you have made it too comfortable for them. If they are to continue to stay they need to contribute a fair amount and abide by ground rules. That is your home and they are making you feel awkward in it. It's not on but they are also not mind readers. Tell them ,good luck!

Whose relatives are they, yours or your partner's?

You need to give them an end-date. And I'd stop buying the good stuff until they're gone. Or hide it in your bedroom.

“it’s been 10 weeks.”

OP, I would be going berserk - that’s FAR too long. They are Cf’s who have got their feet under your table. Of course they don’t want an uncongenial job when they have hot and cold running everything, including smoked salmon, alcohol, and good chocolate at yours. You are going to HAVE to issue them with an ultimatum, no matter how uncomfortable that might be - and stick to it. Nobody freeloads at someone else’s house for ten weeks - it’s outrageous behaviour. You say, “I assumed they’d be gone 40 hours a week working.” - does that mean the arrangement is that they live with you forever more? If so, you need a re-think - either that, or resign yourself never to eating smoked salmon again. Frankly, OP, I don’t know how you stand it.

How have they even managed to come and work here from abroad- surely they would need a job lined up to come here? Or are they Uk citizens in which case can they claim any benefits whilst they look for work?

How did they get visas or work permits without work?

Can they work here without a visa? Maybe they are British I don't know.

It always baffles me how such people never seem to be embarrassed or feel awkward about leeching off someone else. Must be they feel entitled to take advantage of the good nature of others.

It isn't easy OP, but I think you have to bite the bullet and get your home back. Give a time limit and then out they go, changing locks if necessary or some other method of keeping them out. Redecorate, move the beds, whatever it takes. They won't be shamed into leaving, so you are going to have to be tough here I think.

Why have they come to live in your country with no work lined up or no savings to sustain them? They have been very irresponsible and you have been quite naive to allow this.
Are you in the UK? Do they have work visas? I'd want to check they are actually able to work and haven't just come with the intention of leaching off you forever.

They are taking you for a ride, I would 100% ask them to leave. Now!

They need to go home and re think. You didn't say whether they were your relatives or your husband's? It's also not fair on your kids to have their home over crowded, particularly in the summer holidays when they are more likely to be at home.

Absolutely you should not have to hide your food, cheeky fuckers I am aghast that they eat all your treats without shame

The problem is that when they start working then they will have to move out so there really isn’t any incentive.

Can you get a small fridge for your bedroom ?

I wouldnt even say they need to find a job, 10 weeks in Nd they've refused jobs offered means they're taking the piss and need to sod off back home, no ifs ands or buts, they have to go, tomorrow hopefully.