To ask for your help in talking to my DD about her weight

[LoandBeahold]

DD(20) recently came home after her 2nd year at uni and I'm worried about how much weight she's gained.

She's always been slim and sporty but now has a sizeable roll around her middle. She's 5ft 2in so any weight gain is very noticeable. She's looking chunky.

She has no MH issues btw. Works hard at her studies and PT job, has boyfriend and lots of friends and a busy social life.

I'm more concerned about potential health problems than her appearance- she's very attractive.

Any tips on how I can broach this as DH thinks I should keep quiet but I think I'd be letting her down as her mum if I ignored it.

Keep quiet lots of people gain weight at uni. She sounds like she's living a balanced happy life you'd be wrong to bring this up due to a roll in her middle.

She's 20
She will know she's gained weight. You mentioning it will not help anyone

Once she has finished university and the stress of study she will probably lose the weight quickly. The student lifestyle is quite unhealthy and it’s not surprising she has gained weight. I’d leave it .

Yep - agree with your husband. Keep quiet.

It's not 'your duty' in any way, shape or form.

I would maybe cook or encourage healthy meals but absolutely would not bring it up. As above loads of people gain weight at uni then lose it when coming back into the real world!

I'm sure your daughter has a mirror. Leave her alone and offer support if and when she asks for it.

She’s an adult. It’s not appropriate for you to comment on her weight.

You don't need to have a conversation with her. She will know.
She'll figure it out when she feels able and ready.

Please don't say anything. She obviously knows she has gained weight. She's not oblivious to the fact that her clothes are tighter or no longer fit or that she now needs to size up. It would be extremely hurtful to her for you to say anything
Just remember that a person's weight does not define them. Gaining a bit of weight doesn't mean she's heading for diabetes either.

Do not mention this. A ‘roll around her middle’ at 20 is not going to cause health issues, and you’re much more likely to cause her issues with her self image if you mention it, and possibly damage your relationship. She will already be aware and it’s her business - she’s an adult now. Weight gain at uni is pretty common and she may well address it herself at some point if she cares about it. I have a couple of friends whose mums get involved with their weight still, and it has given them proper issues. One of them ended up seriously starving themselves before their wedding as they were worried their mum would mention their weight on the day. Please please say nothing.

Be supportive if she asks for advice but don't say anything to her otherwise!!!
I have a skinny mother who showed her disapproval when I gain weight at uni.....it can ruin relationships

Do you think she hasn’t noticed she’s gained weight?

I agree with a previous poster, I'd be amazed if a roll around her middle - even a sizeable one - is going to cause her significant health issues at age 20. Especially if it's only just developed. Say nothing.

She's 20
She will know she's gained weight. You mentioning it will not help anyone

This.

You telling her as her mum will only damage your relationship with her. Value other things and stop focussing on how she looks. Just quietly model healthy eating/drinking and make sure the meals at home are good home cooked nutrition. Don't make "diet" meals consisting of grilled fish & veg, its too obvious, just make clean healthy food without adding sugar & extra fat.

My mother spent years commenting on my weight. It didn't make me lose it, if anything it made it worse. Successful weight loss only ever comes from within you have to reach a point for yourself where you aren't happy about your weight and self motivate to do something about.

Oh nooooooo! No no no

I opened this thinking she would either be a younger girl who is oblivious or an adult child who had gained an enormous amount, not a stone or so.

She will be well aware of her weight gain and chances are she will sort it herself in her own time. You have no need to talk to her about it unless she asks you. You sound more hung up on her looks than anything else.

This ^

She will be more than aware herself that she has gained weight. You pointing it out will just make her feel totally shit and she may already be feeling shit about it as it is. She also may not care or be totally happy with her weight gain.

If she mentions something about it herself then you can just gently remind her to try to not let it get out of control and become a bigger problem. But if I were you, unless she raises the issue herself, then do and say nothing.

Why would you say anything? If you gained any weight would you like it if your DD told you. I’m pretty sure most people are aware when they gain weight, it’s not like they are unaware when their trousers don’t fit 😂

You sound extremely shallow. Something to think about. Your faux concern for her 'health' is blindingly obvious.

This happens to lots of students, there’s a nickname for it but it’s gone out of my head. I wouldn’t say anything if it was my daughter, as she will be aware her clothes are tighter. Maybe she’s happy being a bit heavier, but if she isn’t then she will probably shift the weight again when she feels like it. It’s generally due to more alcohol from more nights out, or eating too much rubbish, and both of those things change as people get better at cooking and ease up on the nights out.

Don't say anything, she is obviously intelligent and capable of making her own decisions.

Is there food restrictions at home? I find when bad foods are restricted at home, young adults over do it when they get the opportunity, lack of home cooking too.

It is very normal to be slim as a teenager, and overweight in uni.

I think it’s the “fresher’s stone” isn’t it? Certainly happened to me - it wasn’t the food, it was the beer and snack machines. It does sort itself out.

What was her routine like before - did she used to do regular sport, does she still? Can she cook well?

I thought you were going to say your DD was a child or a young teen.

At 20 you need to stay absolutely out of it. As the parent of a DC who is significantly overweight, I really sympathise with your worries, it's very hard. But no good will come of interfering.

It used to be called the fresher's ten in my day (10lb).

She buys her clothes and puts them on every day. She knows. Why do you feel the need to point it out?