To ask for your help in talking to my DD about her weight

[LoandBeahold]

DD(20) recently came home after her 2nd year at uni and I'm worried about how much weight she's gained.

She's always been slim and sporty but now has a sizeable roll around her middle. She's 5ft 2in so any weight gain is very noticeable. She's looking chunky.

She has no MH issues btw. Works hard at her studies and PT job, has boyfriend and lots of friends and a busy social life.

I'm more concerned about potential health problems than her appearance- she's very attractive.

Any tips on how I can broach this as DH thinks I should keep quiet but I think I'd be letting her down as her mum if I ignored it.

Hmmm ok then

You won’t give her size because she’s probably gone from a 6/8 to a 10/12

Figuring it out?! Honestly. And below you said 'she gets it' like as though being thin is the most important thing in the world?!! What a weird mentality you have! I'm glad you didn't say anything though, it must be hard for someone with your ideals to bite your tongue!!

I don't know her size but she's not a 10/12. At her height a 12 would be overweight.

Make it easy for her to eat healthily at home over the summer with good choices in the fridge and cupboards but otherwise keep quiet.

So she has gone from a 6 to an 8?

hiw is your approach to food and weight

I find it weird that she’s assumed that she’s declined the cake due to the sight of their fat friends eating, and the decision to make a cake at home was based on making a lower calorie cake? Like if I’m declining pudding as I’m feeling like I don’t want to over indulge then I’ll just skip it. I wouldn’t go home and make a cake? To save like what 100 calories?Then there’s a huge cake to get eaten over a few days. Would end up eating far more ‘healthy’ cake then I would have if I’d just had a slice on a nice day out. All so bizarre

Then you are being absolutely unreasonable and need to back off that your 20 year old is filling out. Sounds like you have some serious issues and I hope your poor daughter doesn’t realise

Keep quiet. It's uni, she's having fun, drinking and eating. Don't knock her confidence because of something that happens to a hell of a lot of students
Just have lots of nice healthy food in and maybe chat to her about some new recipes etc

So she's maybe an 8 to 10. You're sounding a bit obsessed with her being thin here. You look down on your 'lovely' neighbours for being overweight.

All a bit strange. Wondering if this is real now, especially with a 20 year old wanting to go home with Mummy to bake cakes as it healthier and cheaper. Can't be gluttons like the neighbours now can we?

Please leave it alone.

So shes less than a size 12? Was she underweight or borderline underweight as a teen? She’s in her 20s now so leave her alone. It’s better than being anorexic!

especially with a 20 year old wanting to go home with Mummy to bake cakes as it healthier and cheaper.

And tastier.

She doesn't call me Mummy.

And you think my neighbour is a good parent because she's passed on a legacy of "cheeky" takeaways, crap food and obesity to her DD and grandkids?

OK!

This is where orthorexia or binge eating syndrome/bulimia starts. Even when my dm talks about her own healthy eating with me I know it is a hint that she desperatly hopes I'm getting - I get it, but mental health is so complex, and even when I am 'doing well' I feel under pressure to keep doing it all right.

Also - why does every choice need to be healthy? Surely it's actually healthier to be able to occasionally have something with no nutrition just because it tastes nice, with no consequences, or 'getting back on it now' type mindsets

I know you'd prefer to believe otherwise OP but obesity is a complex issue with multiple underlying factors rather than a moral issue the stupid fatties have brought upon themselves.

I highly suspect you have issues around food yourself.

To be nearly gleeful that your daughter turned down a piece of cake in a cafe so she could go home and make a healthier cake (that you no doubt taught her) instead of just having a slice of bloody cake, points towards it.

How to make friends and influence people is to tell them they're overweight.....not.

Really, being her mother it doesn't mean that she's going to take it well.

Never said anything about the neighbours being a good parent. I'm pointing out that either you're a very strange weight obsessed person or actually more believablely this is all bullshit.

And the OP is aghast at someone asking if her daughter is a size 12, 'like nooooooooo, she would be FAT at that weight.'

@LoandBeahold I strongly believe that your daughter is, in fact, not overweight at ALL.

You need to back off. And I think you need to talk to someone, about your obsession with weight, and food, and dieting, and 'healthy' cakes. (And also your obsession with your neighbours and what they eat, and why they live rent free in your head.)

I'd suggest that many of the responses on here are from people with a very unhealthy relationship with food. And quite fragile mental health.

Neither applies to my family.

Being so perfect yourself OP, and with such a perfect family, I’m wondering why you feel the need to ask MN for advice on anything at all?

Even though your daughter is a bit chunky?

Wow. Aren’t you lovely.

Even though your daughter is a bit chunky?

But not fat or obese. As plenty of posters have pointed out, putting on a few pounds is normal for (British) university students.

Yeah I deffo wouldn’t mention anything to your DD OP I feel people have to wanna lose weight themselves