AIBU to expect more from my DDs private prep school ?

[wishingonme]

DD5 is just finishing reception and I’m not happy about her school.

The teachers don’t provide enough updates on the children and when they do, it’s very generic. There doesn’t seem to be any particular focus on the individual child’s strengths and weaknesses or key areas of interest / talent.

We aren’t told there are problems or anything, but then get reports and DD is in some ‘ emerging ‘ categories. We would like to be told if she’s behind in areas, so we can help at home- before the report comes out.

parents evening is so generic. The work they do at the school is not as advanced as some other schools we know ( some state and others private ). For example, some reception children are doing more advanced maths in state schools, whereas our school has focused on reading in reception and less on maths.

Our DD is extremely advanced in many areas, yet she’s being kept in reception - whereas we know a boy at a state school who’s advanced in maths and two years above himself for maths. I don’t think our school would do that.

am I expecting too much ? I expect the children to be pushed and not behind other schools and I expect more individual attention- otherwise what am I paying for ?

Yeah that doesn’t sound great, I’d start looking at other options.

You sound like a nightmare parent. Move her to the state school. You won’t be missed.

Settles in 🍿

She’s 5. Give the child a break. And the teachers. All things will work out, as she progresses through the school. Our DC went to a cute little prep school. We chose it Because it wasn’t one of those ridiculous schools that try to hot house kids from such an early age.

But this doesn't really add up. Your view of your daughter's ability seems different from the school's. You say she is extremely advanced, they say she is 'emerging.' Even if these are in different areas they're going to want to address the emerging areas so she doesn't fall behind, rather than push the advanced areas.

It's possible you have chosen a nurturing school rather than a pushy one, in which case I guess it's not the best fit. But you don't really know what work the others are doing. Ultimately though, if she's not happy and progressing well of course look at alternatives.

She’s got years to do maths. Let her enjoy being a child.

Since state school, on the whole, out performed independent schools in this years Times’ school review, I would broaden your horizons. For what it’s worth, I wholly agree with the priority focus on reading for R and Y1.

However …

We aren’t told there are problems or anything, but then get reports and DD is in some ‘ emerging ‘ categories. We would like to be told if she’s behind in areas, so we can help at home- before the report comes out.

This is a real problematic attitude towards a reception-aged child. I’d address that with yourself.

Private schools can choose their own ethos. Some are strongly academic while others go more for the nurturing angle - both can be appealing to parents depending on the needs of their child. It sounds like this one is rhetorical latter, which maybe doesn't fit with what you were expecting from a private school.

I expect the children to be pushed and not behind other schools

At 5 years old your child does not need to be "pushed" to achieve and should not be in competition with anyone. This is a really worrying attitude. If she is not happy then you have every right to move her but I would worry for any child who is already under so much pressure to achieve academically in their Reception year.

Is the school supposed to be very academic?

Save yourself a fortune to spend on books, travel, hobbies and fun at home and find a state school. It’s what you do outside of school that counts.

Is she happy at school? That's all that matters. I wouldn't start pushing till year 4 personally.

You’re already being a pushy parent, and your child is only five years old. I feel sorry for her.

Your child is five.

FIVE.

Give it a rest.

Not every child in private school will be outperforming the highest performing children in state schools in every area at every moment.

The ethos of the school evidently doesn't suit you. I'm sure you're free to go elsewhere.

It’s really not a competition. It sounds like you’re more worried about keeping up appearances.

In what areas is she emerging on what areas is she advanced?

If you want to support her at home just read lots and follow her lead with other learning, there is still plenty of time.

“She’s being kept in reception”

So she’s coming to the end of her reception year and so will be starting year 1 in September? Or she’s being held back a year? Or you think she should be put in a year above?

Perhaps look at other local options, even state schools- they work to the national curriculum & will have specified targets/levels to work towards etc

I don’t really understand the issue. They sound like a nice, nurturing school who aren’t being overly pushy with 4-5 year olds who are ultimately only in their first year of schooling. If she’s emerging in some areas but they haven’t felt the need to raise anything specific with you then they’re obviously not concerned. I’d try to focus your attention more on whether or not your DC is happy at school and worry less about what’s going on in other schools.

And most importantly of all, she’s only 5 years old!

If your dd is being kept down a year in reception she must have educational needs that can’t be met by the prep school, which would stop her accessing the Y1 curriculum.

if your DD is not getting SEN assessment and support then something is wrong. I suggest you take her to an educational psychologist to get her assessed and move her to a state school where she will get differentiated work and SEN support.

What are the things she's advanced in? How is she with reading? The focus on reading is understandable as it's what unlocks the ability to acquire all sorts of other knowledge.

As others have said, the main focus should be on

• is she happy there
• do the teachers care for and nurture the children
• has she made friends

As others have said, reception and year 1 should be play based learning with focus on developing interpersonal skills, resilience and a love of learning. Plenty of time to push the academics later.

We made the huge mistake of trying to push our eldest too early, and by year 3 she was fed up and stopped engaging, despite being very bright and going to an excellent school. Please don't make that same mistake

I have a 5year old. Also a 13 and 16yr old.

Believe me, there is plenty of time for progressing in maths and English etc as the years go on.

If she is in “emerging” categories, why do you expect her to be in “exceeding”? She’s clearly not ready or not able enough. For a school to make her repeat a year in reception is quite unusual and it suggests she might have SEN. She’s only five. When is her birthday? Is she young in the school year? But if you’re not happy, move schools.