AIBU to expect more from my DDs private prep school ?

[wishingonme]

DD5 is just finishing reception and I’m not happy about her school.

The teachers don’t provide enough updates on the children and when they do, it’s very generic. There doesn’t seem to be any particular focus on the individual child’s strengths and weaknesses or key areas of interest / talent.

We aren’t told there are problems or anything, but then get reports and DD is in some ‘ emerging ‘ categories. We would like to be told if she’s behind in areas, so we can help at home- before the report comes out.

parents evening is so generic. The work they do at the school is not as advanced as some other schools we know ( some state and others private ). For example, some reception children are doing more advanced maths in state schools, whereas our school has focused on reading in reception and less on maths.

Our DD is extremely advanced in many areas, yet she’s being kept in reception - whereas we know a boy at a state school who’s advanced in maths and two years above himself for maths. I don’t think our school would do that.

am I expecting too much ? I expect the children to be pushed and not behind other schools and I expect more individual attention- otherwise what am I paying for ?

( actually only in one and only once ). Saying ‘ well school thinks she’s emerging

If it was once in one category what on earth are you upset about? She’s 5 years old, give her time to grow.

She’s 5. Surely the focus at this stage is that she’s happy at school, making friends and listening/trying hard in class?

For a teacher, your spelling isn’t great I’m afraid…

Posters are referencing the ‘emerging’ because your original post read like it was a wider concern.

“We aren’t told there are problems or anything, but then get reports and DD is in some ‘ emerging ‘ categories.’”

This just didn’t chime with your next complaint about why your child was being kept in reception when they were so advanced.

Reception is critical. People go ‘oh it’s just play’ but I have a child that missed a lot of reception due to Covid and her year group is a bloody nightmare (still). They have never really caught up from missing reception socially and behaviourally. You’d think it wouldn’t matter as much but I’ve seen first hand that it has. At 4/5 the social skills and learning to be in a classroom are almost more important than any of the academic stuff.

There are also no prizes for being an advanced reader at 5. My eldest was very quick to learn- (and ended up reading things in school I’d rather she hadn’t at a young age) but at 9 doesn’t have a love of reading at all- it’s a chore she does because she has to. My youngest was slower to start but is much more likely to pick up a book as a form of entertainment and just read for pleasure.

She won’t be the only child to be exceeding in most things by the end of year R. Even if she is well ahead of her peers it’s not a great idea to move her up a year, she’ll struggle socially at that age.

Behave, it's clearly a typo.

She isn’t paying thousands of pounds for some pleb to be naturally cleverer!

I had the impression from your OP that your main issue was that the school hadn't raised potential learning concerns with you early enough. You also talked about her being "held" in reception.

If your real concern is that this school is not doing enough to stretch your academically gifted daughter, then you should start a whole separate thread.

It doesn't necessarily help children to skip years. For complicated reasons I skipped two years between primary and secondary, so that I went straight into Year 8 after one term in Year 6. I did fine up to GCSE stage, but my immaturity basically caught up with me and I struggled socially, and when I got to the 6th form I didn't really have the necessary discipline for A level work. Don't assume it would be good for your child to move up a form.

Sounds like she is doing fine. It’s rare for children to be moved up a year. Just relax, you have many more years ahead of you!!!!

Poor kid

So at some point in the first 12 weeks you expected to be told your kid wasn’t making friends very well (something I imagine takes a few weeks to bed on anyway), which rectified itself within 24 weeks - which is something I imagine the teachers see all the time - and so didn’t need to be addressed with you outside of the report.

Presumably if they’re excelling at reading, they’re not still reading The Cat Sat On The Mat ad nauseum, and they are instead being given more challenging books to read? Which would be them being pushed appropriately on reading.

Maths it is much more important to reinforce the basics, and incredibly easy to give harder sums without moving them on to multiplication early… so I actually don’t think there’s any benefit into moving her into higher maths. Does she know her times table up to 12? If not, push her by teaching her that at home. You might kill her love for maths, but that doesn’t seem to be your priority.

I suspect she’s not as ‘advanced’ as you think she is.

We don't need to find proof that you are full of it. Your posts are sufficient evidence.

Is this your attitude when speaking to your child's teachers?

To be fair, you weren’t clear initially. You described the school as reporting that she was ‘emerging’, but only later clarified that it was in the area of developing relationships. If she’s performing at the expected levels, or exceeding in the academic subjects, I don’t know what there is to be concerned about academically, which is what you implied.

You then said that the ‘emerging’ was only for a short time. Perhaps your child is making academic progress, but needs support with developing relationships, which is important for well being, confidence and self esteem.

I agree that to need to reduce the pressure you’re putting on the school, yourself and most importantly, your child.

I don't think you have a clue about how schools work and how children learn.

Your poor child.

In my experience, prep schools don’t typically become “pushy” until KS2. Early years is about learning through play, KS1 is about building the foundation and KS2 becomes more about 11+ prep.

Either way, it doesn’t sound like the school is a good fit for you. Teachers will know that you don’t trust their judgment so nothing they tell you will be good enough. Being a nightmare parent in a small school doesn’t usually have the best outcome for the child. Staff become so anxious about dealing with the child of a nightmare parent that the natural working relationship is impeded. Move schools.

Wow this is more than advanced this is genius level. Reading the the Hobbit at the age of 4! That's crazy.

OP, you're telling people on this thread they need to "calm down" because they've read something you wrote and taken it at face value.

Ok, we get it. She's not "emerging", she's "exceeding". So what? I mean, that's nice that she's a clever little girl but what's your point? Children who are academically able don't automatically skip school years. If every child who was "exceeding" moved up to the next year group class sizes would be all over the place, it would be a logistical nightmare. But more importantly, it's not in a child's best interests socially or emotionally to be educated out of their chronological year group.

You come across as ultra-competitive and excessively concerned about what other children in other schools are achieving academically. Your DD is only in Reception. She doesn't need to be under intense academic pressure at such a young age. You need to be careful that she doesn't pick up on the fact that you're comparing her to other children and are very anxious for her to achieve. Surely her happiness and wellbeing is the most important thing.

Crikey 😨

Based on your updates, it sounds as though the school has helped your child make significant progress with her social and relationship skills . There are many opportunities to model and facilitate respectful interactions in a classroom setting that are not always available at home.

You seem to be irritated at posters who have attempted to clarify apparently conflicting information in your posts. It now appears that your daughter is simply in the appropriate class for her age, not being ‘kept back’. Being moved out of year group is incredibly unusual, because children’s social development aligns with their chronological age, rather than academic achievements. Recognised best practice is to allow children to work at greater depth within appropriate year groups.

If your child is reading well and at expectations for maths, then great. You can best support her by doing lots and lots of reading at home - read to her, with her, listen to her . Share conversations with her. Practise her maths in everyday life . Give her the wherewithal to be creative and explore how the world works. This will all support her future academic development, as well as developing a love of learning.

The key question is whether or not she is happy. Is she settled in school and happy to go in each day? Does she play with friends?

If you force her to keep moving schools in a bid to find one that validates your view of her as a genius, you’re going to have a very unsettled child.

i mean, it sounds like you’re the one who needs to calm down really 😅 poor child

Let her be a child and take away the pressure she's 5 ffs!
And a little view into the future:
The child genius from DD'S primary school is working as a lifeguard at a public pool. Nothing wrong with this of course. But this kid read Moby Dick at age 6 and doing GCSE maths at age 10 - according to the parents!

I suspect OP was expecting lots of gushing at parents evening and on the report about how exceptional and gifted her child is, and that didn't happen.
OP she sounds a perfectly bright little girl but she's had private schooling and teachers in a good prep will see lots of lots of bright capable kids each year - these kids come from homes that value education with parents earning enough to pay fees so likely highly achieving themselves.
Your child is doing perfectly well she perhaps just isn't quite as exceptional as you think.

It might just be that your friends son is really very gifted, more so than your daughter.

Extremely advanced 😂😂😂😂😂😂 in what? At 5? My son was able to multiply big numbers at 4, like a little maths ninja, literally couldn't understand phonic until he was 6. Has now evened out because that's how they develop.