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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just Snapped

498 replies

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:41

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

OP posts:
ForZanyAquaViewer · 28/06/2025 22:44

You behaved incredibly poorly. What’s your AIBU? What are you asking us?

AutumnLeaves91 · 28/06/2025 22:45

We need more context because as it stands YABVVVU! Why did you snap - what problems have the family caused, what have they done to deserve this??

Bridgetjonesheart · 28/06/2025 22:48

You sound about as toxic as they come.

TinyTempest · 28/06/2025 22:49

What a vile thing to do to someone and their family on their wedding day.

CrustyBread1977 · 28/06/2025 22:50

What the hell?! You behaved appallingly.

ninjahamster · 28/06/2025 22:50

Bloody hell, what a vile thing to do on their wedding day.

KrisAkabusi · 28/06/2025 22:53

You didn't just snap though. Texting every family member years of details would have taken time. You knew exactly what you were doing and what the result would be.

3luckystars · 28/06/2025 22:55

I think this is more than snapping.

That is wrecking ball, irreparable destruction to an entire family on their wedding day.

Original poster
WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:55

To give more context to things. I was 18 when I fell pregnant and my now dh then boyfriend listened to his family and walked away leaving me as a single mum. Me and dh managed to work things out but his family frequently called me a slag for having my child, constantly put me me down and humiliated me at every turn. So many times I sat in a room getting called a slag or talked to like a piece of shit.

I tried over the years, honestly I did but no matter what I did it was damed if you do and damed if you don't.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/06/2025 22:58

Fucking hell OP. You could have picked a better moment than someone's wedding. Like long before. Your motives look worse than any truths you told, simply because of the timing.

Nothing you can do now. Stay separated there's no going back.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/06/2025 23:01

So there are children involved. Brilliant. How long have you been split up? Are you divorced? Who’s got the kids?

3luckystars · 28/06/2025 23:02

At least it sounds like they never liked you anyway so they will probably all be ok, it’s a pity you didn’t keep your nose clean though, I’d hate to give them the soot.

BitOutOfPractice · 28/06/2025 23:06

Jeez. Do real people actually live their lives like this? You all sound absolutely awful!!

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 28/06/2025 23:06

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:55

To give more context to things. I was 18 when I fell pregnant and my now dh then boyfriend listened to his family and walked away leaving me as a single mum. Me and dh managed to work things out but his family frequently called me a slag for having my child, constantly put me me down and humiliated me at every turn. So many times I sat in a room getting called a slag or talked to like a piece of shit.

I tried over the years, honestly I did but no matter what I did it was damed if you do and damed if you don't.

You’ve not covered yourself in glory here OP, but you’d put up with 20 years of being treated appallingly and then they are all off at a wedding welcoming BILs new wife to the family after how they treated you that must have stung.

I’m not saying you did the right thing but I get it.

You are better off without your DH he should have nipped his families behaviour in the bud years ago.

AbzMoz · 28/06/2025 23:07

I think you know the answer here Op…
you hit the nuclear button and the fall out is ongoing. Plainly you scored an own goal - or did you want to sabotage your relationship? (If you did I can see your rationale tbf, but you’ve just given them real ammo against you)

what do you want to happen now? Attempt to with DH? Establish contact and support / money for your DC? Sort out the family home?

Original poster
WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:08

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/06/2025 23:01

So there are children involved. Brilliant. How long have you been split up? Are you divorced? Who’s got the kids?

Dh left after the wedding and says he wants a divorce. My son is early teens.

OP posts:
notag · 28/06/2025 23:09

On their wedding day? What a monumental bitch.

lovemetomybones · 28/06/2025 23:09

you have behaved appallingly, you now don’t have the leverage to come out as the victim here. To destroy someone’s wedding, tell the whole universe what you think and feel about them on this day is vindictive. You didn’t snap, you thought it through and lowered the bar of your moral compass. It was all about you, and ultimately your children are going to suffer the fall out from this.

too late now but Michelle Obama quote “when the go low, you go high” I think this is case in point why you should do this.

Your actions are vindictive, you ruined people’s lives. It’s valid to say they treated you poorly but it’s not ok to be so cruel back.

I would also look into your drinking habits clearly a bottle of wine is not healthy for your decision making abilities.

lovemetomybones · 28/06/2025 23:11

Divorce is definitely the right move, but you now have to focus and make it as calm as possible for your children’s sake

Fleurdalys · 28/06/2025 23:11

Oh dear

TinyTempest · 28/06/2025 23:11

3luckystars · 28/06/2025 22:55

I think this is more than snapping.

That is wrecking ball, irreparable destruction to an entire family on their wedding day.

Yes, it makes me think the OP is in need of psychiatric help.

That was a prolonged and sustained attack on someone's wedding day.

Ilovecakey · 28/06/2025 23:12

They probably all deserved it

YouSaidSomething · 28/06/2025 23:14

Wow OP that is epic. Fair fucks to you.

Original poster
WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:14

Totally agree that I shouldn't have drunk a bottle of wine or behaved like I did.

They all tried to force me to get an abortion and I didn't and they made me pay for it over the years. His mum always said I was a shit mum because I worked ( NHS Nurse) yes of course I shouldn't have done what I did and agree with you all. But does anyone get why after years and years of constantly getting put down and treated like shit I honestly just lost it.

I've never been good enough for my dh or my son to them.

What do I want from this thread... in all honesty. I don't know, probably what you have said to validate that I was in the wrong.

OP posts:
Jigaliga · 28/06/2025 23:14

Wow. That's intense. I feel your rage i really do but I think you went too far