Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

This all sounds like a fantasy to me.

I totally get why you did it and I don’t blame you.

Are you happy with the result? Blowing up your life seems extreme but if it got you quickly to where you wanted it to be, and everyone involved is toxic and has been a twat to you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.

Sounds like they deserved to have their day ruined! Lol

I don’t believe a word of this.

I have read all your posts, OP, and I want to stick up for you. Given the bride has joined in over the years and had a pop at you more than once I don't think this is as awful as some others are making out. Sure, you didn't cover yourself in glory but you've obviously taken years of abuse from the whole family. Get access to your son sorted by the courts and start the balling rolling with your divorce. I hope therapy helps you move on so that you can be happy and not enmeshed in any more toxic family dynamics. Good luck for the future.

I'm amazed at the amount of people who do believe it.

Never assume because people are replying, that they believe it.

You just get in trouble if you say you don't 🤣

That is truly appalling behaviour on their part and you have obviously had years of pain and resentment building up
However, the text messages and timing were the completely wrong way to address the issues.
One day at a time now OP.
You have every right to be upset at the treatment received from his family in the past.

It’s clearly bollocks..and I haven’t got in trouble (yet!) 🤭

@WeddingWTF

I totally understand you snapped and were not in control of your actions at the time. I did similar with my sister nearly a year ago and do not regret it at all.

On reflection and with therapy, I think I was extreme to make sure there was no going back with her. I am happier by the day without her in my life.

The only thing I would not have done is apologise. I never will and I tolerated her superior attitude for years when she was hiding horrific child sexual abuse as well as assisting benefits and Council Tax fraud. I told everyone.

Be kind to yourself, start a brand new chapter (maybe talk it through with a counsellor) and a year on from now, you will be in a better place.

Sadly, it is the result of years of resentment finally getting out of control

It is a good post, OP, because it hopefully will reach people who have also been harbouring resentment and encourage them to talk about it.

You make a really good point. If I had read this thread it might have made me consider cutting my sister off sooner. What a waste of years with resentment building and trying my best with her and her creepy husband for the sake of ‘family’.

It is also very upsetting that speaking out much earlier might have saved another child victim from her brother-in-law who was jailed for 10 years or her father-in-law who was recently arrested.

Wow! Balls of steel. Only thing that you did wrong, imho, is that you drank the wine first. Should’ve done that after. Anyway, what’s done is done, it needed doing, no going back now. You’ll always be regarded as damaged goods by that lot. YOU’RE NOT btw. Swallow your tinges of regret for dh. It’s Make your Mind up time for him, now. Either he sympathises and supports you 💯 or it’s game over. You move on. And crucially, if that means losing your dc at this time, write everything down in a letter, the whole story, keep it safe, so that dc can understand when the time is right. Be strong for yourself. Best Wishes.

Ok, I think you snapped. Its regrettable it happened during the wedding but you can't take it back and they aren't going to forgive you. You well and truly burnt that bridge and I guess in some way you meant to? There is no coming back or pretending it didn't happen right? So that being the case see this through to the end. You don't mention how you feel about your husband leaving so I'm assuming your not too bothered or only on your son's behalf? Therefore you need to switch to nurse crisis mode now. Ignore his family they are no longer your concern. Save texts and documents that demonstrate their treatment of you over time and then block them. You are going to need real life support. To get custody arrangements, legal wranglings sorted. Also to drill in to what happened to tou? Why did you put up with this so long? And lastly ignore the judgement on here, whilst far from ideal it happened judgement doesn't help.

Your DH's family sound like absolute arseholes. Well done for finally standing up for yourself. They deserved what you did. Focus on a good life for yourself moving forward!

Babe, I with you. They sound awful. Block them all. No access to YOUR son.

You and your lad will be better off without them.

Think you need to explain to your son that his Daddy has the right to see him, and that you will make sure that he does. Poor kid

Granted your method could have been a lot classier but by the sounds of it, they are a pack of wankers anyway so who cares?

Do you want your husband back? If so, let the dust settle for a few months then see if he's open to therapy.

You need to be in therapy yourself. You seem to be misinterpreting the posters asking why you didn't speak up before. The suggestion is not to argue your case with these monsters it's to not tolerate them.

My in-laws think I'm a second class citizen. I worked even when I had babies. I don't go to church. My parents are divorced. I'm the second wife.

I couldn't give a fiddlers! I told them all individually early on that I had tried my best and wouldn't be making anymore effort. DC don't know them. Awful people.

It’s done now. Sounds like you’re all better off without each other.

You are free of them now to a certain extent, so this is a positive. Don't fall for any bullying from his family, just be very legal about it all now. If you are getting a divorce then you need to work out custody and visitation for your son. If your ex is living with his brother it doesn't sound like a good situation for your son to be staying over with them, so ex will have to work out a safe place to have access. Sounds like you are well rid of the whole toxic lot of them and soon your son will be old enough to make his own decisions about visitation. Good luck!

I mean, your behaviour was mad but they all (including the bride) sound absolutely vile and abusive so I think it's good you're finally getting free from the whole damn lot of them.

The wider family have no right to access, your ex DH will have to sort that when he sees his son.

I have toxic in-laws too and after years of their passive aggressive snidey comments and a DH who won’t stand up for me I have decided not to see them anymore (sorry to vent on your post)
You are my hero