Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

Oh well the marriage was crap from the start and his family are toxic, so grey rock them all.

Look after your son and yourself, fuck the rest!

You certainly know how to burn bridges!

@WeddingWTF

Do I think it was the wisest thing to do? No. Do I understand why you did it after 20 years of verbal abuse and them dripping poison into your son's ear? Hell, yes. But unfortunately you sowed the wind now you're reaping the whirlwind. There is nothing you will ever be able to do or say to smooth the ruffled feathers.

As far as the family sending you a 'schedule' for DS, fuck that. The only person you need to work cooperatively with as far as access is DS's father. It is up to him to facilitate contact with his wider family during his access time. No court in the land is going to grant them court orders 'against you' as long as you make the child available to his father. I'm assuming that DS does see his father? If you aren't cooperating with that, why aren't you?

Also, you say DS is a 'mid teen' so I assume he's 14-16. He's old enough to make his own arrangements to see his father and that side of the family and they can do any transporting needed.

And right or wrong, if I was your DH I'd say the bridges have been well and truly burnt. So you need to prepare yourself for a divorce. Have you seen a solicitor? You really need to. It doesn't mean you're going to 'do anything', it simply means you're educating yourself as to what divorce may mean to you.

Well from the sounds of it, fair fucks really. But now you have to sit and plan how you are going to protect your son and yourself from them all. Not much point dwelling on anything else or trying to rebuild relationships that were never good for you.

agreed

You deserve everything you get

If nothing else then this is absolutely something that OP can change and control. We can only control our own behaviours and actions so in this case OP can take control of her drinking, examine why on earth she was drinking a bottle of wine by herself in one sitting, whether that's become a regular occurrence, and take steps to stop it. Particularly if the booze consumption regularly causes her to act in a way that harms not only herself but also other people.

It can become rather easy for people to fall into a habit of drinking that much - particularly during/after lockdown where drinking wine seemed to become something of a socially acceptable giggle all over the country when people were in their gardens building wine bars out of old pallets. It's incredible how quickly that can become a "normal" thing to do - especially on a warm evening in the summer time. We live near a beach and a lovely park and both places are littered with families (not teenagers) slugging back wine on a warm evening. And lots of middle aged women have started drinking a bottle of wine as a sort of "normal" evening activity - my mum's bestie is a GP and she regularly has to deal with perfectly respectable and nice ladies who are very concerned that they have gone from a glass of wine a night to polishing off a whole bottle and wanting more. Fortunately there is lots of support to help people get out of that habit these days. Even the "fat jabs" seem to be rather good at stopping that habit - which, if true, may be a side effect that could help lots of people who may not be alcoholics but certainly are drinking way more than they should be - but that's a discussion for another thread :)

@calamariqueen too late, I got there first! 😅

Exactly this. Unclear why anyone in her position would be hand-wringing about what to do to contact any of these people etc etc - sounds like she didn't like any of them, cut ties with all of them in one fail swoop and has now got "buyers remorse" because she doesn't like the fact that they have now (understandably) gone "no contact" and she doesn't feel in control anymore, or doesn't like that they now don't like her (which...if she really did dislike the lot of them and want them all out of her life seems rather daft - why on earth does she give a damn what any of them think???).

Clearly there are far better ways to remove oneself from a toxic situation than to become part of the problem. Just remove oneself. But some people are drama addicts (for want of a better word) and she's now lost her drama fix.

Are you typing from the 1950s? Nobody cares about being married before having a baby.

I take back my comment after seeing your further posts, I have no idea why you stayed so long in that relationship, with a man who lets his family treat you like that.

I mean, you've behaved appallingly but you know this.

Drunken abusive messages because your DH hadn't replied to you while you were at a wedding, including messaging vile things to the bride, there's not really any excuse tbh. It doesn't matter what's happened in the past, you ruined their wedding.

So, that's done. Nothing you can do now, it's completely unfixable but they sound like a bag of arseholes anyway so good riddance. No point lingering on it any more.

As PP have said, aunts and grandparents can't take you to court for access. Your mid-teen DS can sort out when he wants to see his dad. I wouldn't make him feel as if he has to pick a side, but at his age, I would absolutely let him know that they might try and turn him against you. Keep it light, but I think if he's aware of potential behaviours, there's a chance he might not be suckered in by them. Don't put him in the middle though or make him feel he has to pick them or you, that's not fair on him.

Focus on moving on, and maybe get some therapy so you can assert yourself in a healthier way within relationships, without reaching breaking point.

Oh they had it coming, yes. But to blow it all up on someone’s wedding day? Sorry, but that’s disgraceful. We have only heard OPs side of the story, yet you think her actions on the day were acceptable. Well I certainly don’t.

Where are your family in this OP?
I personally feel that may be part of it too.
After all you were sat on own whilst your husband was at his brothers wedding.
What you did was awful but I think you need some form of counselling.
No one knows the whole back story.Maybe subconsciously you knew you wanted to leave your husband but didn't feel brave enough to go so wanted to do something to force it.

Yeah, you are being unreasonable to post this. 🙄🙄🙄

All the things they’ve done may be terrible but you’ve still been incredibly spiteful and vengeful here. We know someone like this who thinks a long held issue gives them a free pass to actively ruin the happiness of others on a sustained basis. What caused this originally, doesn’t actually excuse your current actions. As others have said, therapy could be useful here.

Hey...

Read your messages and honestly, my heart goes out to you. What you did was nuclear to be sure - and wrong. But on some level, it sounds like you've endured a lot of emotional abuse, and it takes a toll. You don't need the internet to validate you.

You have a lot to unpack - so in the kindest way possible - get some help. Forgive yourself, forgive the people the people that hurt you and find a way to move forward, for your sake and for the sake of your kid(s).

Fucking hell, is this Corrie’s Christmas Day episode plot being leaked online?

🎶
Iiiiiiiit’s Coronation Street!
Iiiiiiiiit’s on three times a week!
Whaaaaaaaat’s going on,
With Ken Barlowwwww?!

Absolutely agree with your view on this 👌

And even if they did believe that, the numbers don't add up...pregnant at 18, been with DH 20 years, but son only in early teens. Meanwhile, OP being slagged off for working as an NHS nurse, I mean that's taken at least three years training for as long as I can remember.

Brilliant! Love it! 😅

This is very believable to me. She was drunk! 🤣

I get why you did it. She deserved to know. You’ve been treated like rubbish for years and never been allowed to enjoy anything. You’ve been the figure of fun and as a consequence of that you’ve always felt awful about yourself because of them.
Yet, those horrible, awful people who act in the same ways that you’ve been accused of acting (even though you didn’t) get something ‘nice’ and in public too.

I’ve been reading all of these responses about how you ‘shouldn’t have done it’. I think that they describe what you did as ‘reactive abuse’ ie you’re not being abusive but, you’ve been abused for so long and forgone so much joy that eventually you have reacted to their abuse in a way they fully deserve.

Don't feel bad for what you did. They created the pressure cooker. You acted accordingly.

Hope they enjoy the consequences of their horrible fake personalities to the outside world..: and treating you like poop for all of these years.

Keep your child away from their toxic crap. If your husband actively enabled this by not having a back bone and speaking up all the way along when they were abusing you with their words and actions… he’s totally in the wrong.

Love and partnership are not about appeasing terrible people to keep the peace. If this has been going on since you were barely an adult then you’ve been conditioned to accept this terrible behaviour. I don’t see how you’ve been in the wrong in the past or, how you’re in the wrong now. .

The mercury has risen and risen and popped. Not your fault.

Absolute shame on people who think you should have been ‘niiiiice’ when you’ve clearly been treated like a leper for years,

Meh. Onwards and upwards.

My apologies, on your initial post I thought you were unreasonable however reading all of posts you certainly were not. They sound so disrespectful and horrible. You've had a tough time of it, get some legal advice and instill some boundaries.