Just Snapped

[WeddingWTF]

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

I really appreciate all comments because I just had to get this out my head. I've spoken to my friends and family but it's been good to read every comment on here to help me get my head sorted.

You should've just snapped and farted

I just don't understand why you would say this on someone's wedding day? When you knew what her now husband was like, if you actually cared, you would have told her then. It's like cheap point scoring. Regardless of what the family has done, I couldn't bring myself to lower myself to this level of pettiness. And drinking isn't an excuse btw, I know people think it is but it really isn't. If you have a teenage son you ought to know what your limits are by now

You're all just very strange all round imo

personally op respect, @WeddingWTF bottom line you saved a women from getting married to a cheater

I wrote a response when I saw your first post, then deleted it since reading the others

enjoy being liberated away from these stains. Dont apologise, they are not worth it. Enjoy your son and your freedom x

Non parents have no access. So I’d be saying fuck off and good luck! How old is your son? If he’s a teen he can choose if he wants to go or not. And I’d be honest with my son about what led to the breakdown of years of verbal abuse, then treating you awfully because he was very loved and wanted and they wanted you to terminate, that they have been unkind to years, that your ex never once defended you or stood up for your family. They are vile.

She didn’t as she text on her wedding day so too late 😆😆

All that happened a few months ago and it seems your divorce is going ahead. His family don't need to contact you to arrange times to see your son, they can see him when he is with their father. You don't have to communicate with them ever again, which I guess is what you expected from, to quote @3luckystars, your "wrecking ball" texting session on the day of the wedding. Why haven't you blocked them all?

It's hard for me to get my head around them calling you a slag for getting pregnant when their son got you pregnant. That's moronic. You were so young when you had your child, I can understand how you drifted into staying with the father, even marrying him. Why women do that is complicated. I doubt half the women who posted to say you should've left years ago have been in the same position.

But if you're divorcing that's all over now. Your priority now must be working out with your husband the best way to co-parent your son.

Close second to that, I think you need to get some help to resolve the rage you feel towards his family. Can you access therapy through your job?

I agree with other posters, what you did on the day of the wedding was appalling, but I think if you'd thought it was fine, you wouldn't have posted about it here. You have doubts which means although you did a shitty thing, that doesn't make you an all round shitty person. I think unless you get therapy or do your own research to enable you to process and move on from what has happened, going back years - maybe even before you met your DH, you will stay angry and that will eat you away and you will never have peace. And you need peace to be a good mum to your son.

Blimey. Do you quite often sit and drink a bottle of wine of a night?

oh fuck that. She was treated appallingly for years. They had it coming. Grandchild's mum called a slag. How that must have been to endure is beyond me.

But did you fart?

Sorry OP. But you tried to ruin someone’s wedding because of your own issues. You sowed what you reapedz

That is disgusting behaviour OP and you can't blame the wine as clearly you had the clarity to type out multiple texts.

I'm also calling BS on your updates to try and justify yourself. Seriously it's 2025 I haven't heard the word 'slag' used since in was in high school in the early 90s and who would honestly put up with this behaviour for 20 years. I have no doubt you have a poor relationship with your inlaws but based on this incident I doubt they are the sole problem.

Get some therapy. Your poor son is the one caught in this shitshow.

Yes this definitely happened.

They have absolutely no right to access. Your XH does but not his family.

You have to take some responsibility for all this. You put up with being treated badly but you could have left.

On the off chance etc... you know that aunts and grandparents can't go to court to get access to teenage relatives?

Epic move although a bit drastic @WeddingWTF but I get why you did it. It sounds like you've put up with more than most would. Get some help to work through it so that you can have a happier life going forward. You'll be much better off without all that abuse.

If you need to vent as you process things, post on the Relationships board here. Lots of help and handholds available for you.

Oh if only the word was no longer used.
Have you never seen Eastenders?!

Ok ok so they were shit to you. It still doesn’t make what you did ok!

Ok so yes you went nuclear. But it does sound like they've been nuclear on you for years. I think you're best just moving on and forgiving yourself - sounds like you're definitely better off without them in your life.
How old was your ex when you got pregnant out of interest, OP?

You do realise that your behaviour whilst pissed has now given them all a perfect excuse, no actually a reason, to say that they were always right about you? Massive own goal. Still, at least the marriage sounds like it's over.

I'm sorry that you have been treated so badly through the years by these people op. While what you did was extreme I don't blame tou for finally snapping . Please cut all contact with these toxic people . You said your son is a teen ? Old enough to sit down and have a chat and explain the situation in my opinion. I wish you lots of happiness and peace in your life going forward ❤️

Well. Ruining someone else's wedding day and going nuclear over social media/messaging was never going to end well.

If you wanted out of that family then you are now out. Just extract yourself as best you can, cut off all contact, get yourself some much needed therapy so you never do anything so stupid and thoughtless again, and start over. Oh, and stop binge drinking (or drinking booze full stop).

Hi OP

You repressed so much pain. Don’t let the crowd call you a bitch - they lack compassion and empathy and have no idea what you’ve experienced. You experienced abuse, and this was the pressure valve. There’s even a name for this recognised by law called, Battered Women Syndrome where women endure all this abuse and then one day they just kill their husbands. We live in a culture that doesn’t name abuse even though it’s everywhere. People on this thread (and in life) would rather get married to a scumbag than not get married at all. You had things to say, the methods could have been better but it happened. Now it’s up to you to see the pain for what it is, get some therapy if you can or read “how to do the work” by a great therapist about self healing from trauma. You don’t need everyone approve of you. I’ve definitely had bat shit moments of crazy from an unregulated system due to incomprehensible pain, self loathing and rejection.

Totally agree with this. Ah well - the only bright side I can see here is that hopefully OP has now totally cut off all contact with every single one of these people. Hopefully they will use this melt down as a reason and opportunity to have a brand new start in life as much as one can do such things (totally possible): move to a different place, get a new job, get therapy, stop binge drinking, and get some new friends. And use any energy formerly expended on gossip etc on volunteering to help people less fortunate than herself.

Lots of lessons to be learned from all this - including hopefully not getting herself involved with people like that in the first place. But I totally agree with you about this sadly giving them a lot of ammo with which to say she was the weirdo. But then again it didn't seem she really wanted to have a future relationship with any of these people so if what she wanted was to drop a "truth bomb" and cut ties with the lot of them then I guess this is one way to do it. It's just a shame she has kids who will have to navigate both situations now - but it's probably far easier for a child to navigate two "no contact" situations than to walk on eggshells in a giant gossip pit.