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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just Snapped

498 replies

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 22:41

Not sure how to word this and have obviously name changed for this.

A few months ago my husbands brother was getting married. Me and dh have been having issues for a while now mainly about his family. Anyway the day of the wedding came and dh was away helping his brother. I honestly don't know what came over me but something in me just snapped and I thought I am not going to this wedding.

I spoke to my dh and told him that I wasn't coming and even though there was tension it was fine.

Roll on to later in the evening and I had drunk a bottle of wine. Dh was ignoring my texts and blanking me. I am so ashamed to say that a red mist came over me and over 20 years of shit that I had put up with from all of them came out.

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend. Absolutely nothing I said was untrue but obviously the fall out has been nuclear and dh has now left me, his family aren't talking to me and have blocked me on everything.

On one hand I feel so ashamed at what I've done and said because there were better ways to go about things. I feel so sorry for dh and what I've done to him.

On the other hand. Honestly I have put up with so much that I just genuinely snapped.

OP posts:
Whatado · 28/06/2025 23:50

For everyone focusing on access to the son. He is a teen with a father and his family he can now make up or be close to making up his own mind about seeing.

You contributed to this situation for tolerating it for so long.

What you did was absolutely awful. It was spiteful and maximum impact to cause as much damage as possible.

Divorce your husband, do not put your child in the middle of a tug of war. What you did is so off the wall you could easily lose if they vote with their feet.

Get yourself into therapy. So what if they wanted you to have an abortion? Most parents of teenagers who get pregnant do, because they know deep down most teens arent capable of being parents without a shit ton of support and even then it doesn't always work out well

I say that as a teen mother who's mother wanted me to have one. She was right I didn't have a clue what I was doing. My life was immeasurably harder than it could have been. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her grandchild.

Cut off all contact with them including your husband unless about your child.

BrickBiscuit · 28/06/2025 23:51

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:32

I've wrote them letters of apology and it caused more flames. They said I've to have no contact with them. They have given me days and times they want to see my son and I've to send him to them then. The bride has been in the family for years and has been horrible to me for years.

Never apologise, never explain.

JustSawJohnny · 28/06/2025 23:52

I texted each and every member of his family and told them what I thought of them and texted the bride telling her that basically she had always treated me horrible and her now dh had been shagging everything with a pulse behind her back and constantly tried it on with me on nights out. I also said that her now dh has wanted to fuck her best friend for years and always go's on about how he got with the wrong friend.

On her fucking WEDDING DAY??!!

Christ, OP.

You are an adult. Your actions are your responsibility. I know I did wrong BUT..' doesn't cut it.

Lots of people have truly shit in-laws but they deal with them maturely, not by drunkenly and spitefully blowing up people's lives!

TinyTempest · 28/06/2025 23:52

Ebeneser · 28/06/2025 23:44

I'd make them take me to court for access. I expect they'd only work on turning your son against you.

Show quote history

Depending on what the teenage son wants, going to court is a bad idea with all the text evidence of how unhinged the OP is.

Zanatdy · 28/06/2025 23:53

Walk away from them all. You behaved badly on her wedding day, but you’ve owned it and apologised. The relationship is over. Not much more you can do

RogueFemale · 28/06/2025 23:53

@WeddingWTF I get why you snapped after years of horrible treatment. No judgment. Move on and get on with your life in a happier space.

Jolenepleasetakeawaymyman · 28/06/2025 23:56

What’s done is done OP. They sound horrible and maybe this is actually for the best! They want no contact great give them what they want. You say your son is a teenager does he want to go to visit them? If so let him when he wants not when they demand.

Move on OP and build a new life without them. Get some counselling if you can to unpick your low self esteem.

As for the bride well she knows the truth about her husband and a ruined wedding day sounds the least of her problems marrying into that family.

Sometimes people are pushed and pushed and are too nice or scared or whatever to defend themselves but then get to breaking point and it goes nuclear. Forgive yourself OP and good luck. File for divorce and move on.

JLou08 · 28/06/2025 23:59

They sound awful, you did something bad too. Let this be a lesson that you should never put up with sustained abuse from anyone. Deal with it there and then because eventually that anger is going to come out. It may work out for the best being cut off from the toxic family.

Original poster
WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:59

As I've said I do own my actions especially as I have to see my sons tears and sleepless nights because his dad isn't here.

I gave my dh everything, made myself really unwell working lots of overtime to buy him a car a land-rover from his family that broke down and had to be scraped shortly after.

Do I feel for the bride, of course I do. But she sat for years mocking me saying oh I'd never have a baby without getting married and much worse.

OP posts:
Mrsbloggz · 29/06/2025 00:02

Well you dont do things by halves do you!
Sounds like are well rid of these people though, I guess you'd been bottling it up for some time and then the seal broke & you couldnt stop.

MaidOfSteel · 29/06/2025 00:02

From what you say, it seems you’re better off without a wet husband who doesn’t stand up for you and who wanted you to abort you don. And his family got what was coming to them.
Time for you to start making a new life just for you and your son. I wouldn’t be apologising to people who’ve treated you like shit for years either.

TinyTempest · 29/06/2025 00:02

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:59

As I've said I do own my actions especially as I have to see my sons tears and sleepless nights because his dad isn't here.

I gave my dh everything, made myself really unwell working lots of overtime to buy him a car a land-rover from his family that broke down and had to be scraped shortly after.

Do I feel for the bride, of course I do. But she sat for years mocking me saying oh I'd never have a baby without getting married and much worse.

Then you should've grown a backbone and told her to her face.

Instead of hiding behind your phone and ruining her wedding day.

Despicable.

SpryCat · 29/06/2025 00:03

They will see your son when his dad has them, you do not let them demand you drop him off etc.
They are not his parents so they can’t demand access to see him.
You are better off on your own than with your DH, he has never once stood up for you and expected you to suck up their abuse towards you.
At least you left that family with a bang, an exit they will never forget .
Move on and don’t take their shit

TinyTempest · 29/06/2025 00:04

And also you chose to marry the piece of shit who walked away from you when you were pregnant at 18, yet you decided his family were worse?

Whatado · 29/06/2025 00:04

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:59

As I've said I do own my actions especially as I have to see my sons tears and sleepless nights because his dad isn't here.

I gave my dh everything, made myself really unwell working lots of overtime to buy him a car a land-rover from his family that broke down and had to be scraped shortly after.

Do I feel for the bride, of course I do. But she sat for years mocking me saying oh I'd never have a baby without getting married and much worse.

So? And for each and every one of those times you had a chance to speak up.

Or the first time he cheated, or tried it on or spoke about her friend.

You haven't been any better just toxic in a different way.

RunningBlueFox · 29/06/2025 00:05

It's done - do you feel better for having done it? I doubt you do. You need to focus on you to make sure you never do something so stupid and pointless again. Concentrate on finding more mature and productive ways of sorting your life out.

ClairDeLaLune · 29/06/2025 00:06

They had it coming. Nice work OP! Don’t blame you at all.

Lesina · 29/06/2025 00:07

You know you were utterly unreasonable, but what is done is done. Perhaps you need to walk away from this family and really put down the wine.

DelphiniumBlue · 29/06/2025 00:07

I think it's a good thing this marriage is over.
File for divorce, agree contact arrangements with ExH, and don't speak to the rest of them. They have no rights of access, If ExH wants to facilitate his family having contact with his son then he can arrange it himself, during his contact time. You do not have to get involved, or do what he says. Obviously it would be better for your son if you can agree a contact schedule and finances without having to go through the courts, but that is going to depend on whether you and EXH can have a civilised conversation. I would suggest that when you do that, that you don't talk about his family, just keep it abut your son's best interests.
It might be best to block them all except ExH.

Merryoldgoat · 29/06/2025 00:07

Threads like this confound me.

There was clearly a massive load of nonsense from the word go so how does a rely like this get off the ground?

I wouldn’t spend 10 minutes in a relationship where I wasn’t shown respect.

Reallyyyyyy · 29/06/2025 00:07

Wouldn't have done that myself but its done now. Sounds like you needed to get away and that's how it ended up happening.

Your son is a teen and cant be forced into seeing them if he doesn't want to and will likely be asked by court. So I wouldnt worry too much

SpryCat · 29/06/2025 00:09

Your son was always going to be upset when you separated from dad, you put everything into your marriage and he didn’t, he also never spoke up when they abused you. Like you said, you told the truth so move on and stop feeling like you are the sole reason your son is missing his dad, it was always going to happen anyway.

ThatNaiceMember · 29/06/2025 00:09

I voted YABU because you were BUT having read your following posts you have also done yourself a massive favour! Definitely get a divorce, you deserve better!

Codlingmoths · 29/06/2025 00:11

WeddingWTF · 28/06/2025 23:39

They've said via dh if I don't send him then I will be taken to court for access.

Show quote history

That’s fine, let them do the running and take you to court. Court will agree something reasonable without you having to negotiate with them. No more rolling over.

Codlingmoths · 29/06/2025 00:12

I don’t know. Ideally wouldn’t have ruined her wedding day but honestly sounds like every single one of them deserved it and never speaking to the family or your ex again is a best outcome. You were basically abused by them.

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