Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be absolutely devastated after seeing my husband's web history?

200 replies

Katebling · 27/06/2025 18:47

I’m not even sure where to begin. I feel sick writing this.

Earlier this week, I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right. My husband has been distant, more secretive with his phone and laptop, and just… off. I wish I hadn't looked, but I did. I checked his web history, and what I found has turned my world upside down.

There were multiple visits to escort sites, forums discussing prostitutes, and even searches like “how much does it cost to see a prostitute in London ”. Some of these weren’t from months ago — some were very recent. I confronted him, and after initially denying it, he admitted to seeing prostitutes. More than once.

We’ve been together for years. I never thought I’d be in this situation. I feel betrayed, ashamed, and angry beyond words. He says it “didn’t mean anything” and he “just wanted something different” — as if that somehow makes it better.

I haven’t told anyone in real life yet. I’m humiliated. We have kids, a house, a life — and now I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to scream and kick him out, and part of me is frozen in shock. He says he wants to work through it. I’m not sure I can or even want to.

So… AIBU to think this is an unforgivable betrayal? Has anyone else been through something like this? What did you do?

Please be kind. I’m really struggling.

OP posts:
myplace · 27/06/2025 18:49

I haven’t been through it. I couldn’t get past it. It would be separate bedrooms and cops renting for me. Or him moving out.

He freely and enthusiastically, repeatedly, engaged in sordid, disrespectful behaviour.

Thelondonone · 27/06/2025 18:49

I think he needs to leave today. Even if it’s just in the short term while you sort out your life and decide what you want. It’s your decision-not his.

AlertCat · 27/06/2025 18:54

I’m so sorry. That he sees women as commodities to be chosen and paid for would be an insurmountable obstacle for me- worse, really, than him being unfaithful.

Fetchthevet · 27/06/2025 18:54

I couldn't carry on living with someone who did this. I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. On a practical level, are you going to get yourself tested for sexual diseases? The bastard could have passed anything on to you, including HIV. What a horrible situation to be in 💐

ninjahamster · 27/06/2025 18:54

I couldn’t get over that. I’d be telling him to leave.

LakieLady · 27/06/2025 18:54

I'm so sorry, OP. This must have been an awful shock.

It would be a deal breaker for me, I'm afraid.

Setting aside the infidelity aspect for a moment, he's been using family money to pay for sex, and there's a lot of awful exploitation of vulnerable women in the sex trade. That he could consider either of these would make me want to end the marriage. And the infidelity would put the absolute tin lid on it.

It's totally unforgivable imo and I'd want him gone: today, preferably.

Daleksatemyshed · 27/06/2025 18:55

It's easy for him to say it didn't mean anything but it means a lot to you, he wanted something different could be a fantasy or he wanted sex with a different woman, either way how can you trust him anymore? He wants to work through it but I don't know how that works - does he mean he won't do it again and you'll pretend it never happened?

Original poster
Katebling · 27/06/2025 18:55

Currently looking at where I can get a walk in appointment or if I can get a home test kit. Probably going for a kit as I would be ashamed going to a clinic

OP posts:
Original poster
Katebling · 27/06/2025 18:58

Daleksatemyshed · 27/06/2025 18:55

It's easy for him to say it didn't mean anything but it means a lot to you, he wanted something different could be a fantasy or he wanted sex with a different woman, either way how can you trust him anymore? He wants to work through it but I don't know how that works - does he mean he won't do it again and you'll pretend it never happened?

Just seems to be into slimmer more younger women than me. DH seems to have developed a foot fetish/ nail fetish and encouraging me to paint my nails white or French manicures

OP posts:
Murdoch1949 · 27/06/2025 19:00

There's no shame in going to a genital health clinic. You will get support, a range of professional tests and follow up guidance. You have nothing to be ashamed of, it's easy to be fooled by a deviant male.

Preachscreen · 27/06/2025 19:00

I do hope your ok, it's a lot to come to terms with whilst carrying on with everyday life, kids etc. I think you need to make a decision now about going forward andiving arrangements, not necessarily ending the relationship but pausing it to figure out where you want this to go and living arrangements- separate rooms/ house to give you breathing space. It is not acceptable behaviour and it should not be normalised or minimised in anyway by your husband. I hope he has treated you well despite these actions and your relationship has been safe and non threatening as his actions are red flags.

Meadowfinch · 27/06/2025 19:01

Don't be ashamed you have nothing to be ashamed of. The staff at the clinic will have heard it all before sadly and will support you.

I'm so sorry this has happened. I think you need to tell him to leave. He needs to understand the damage he has done, and that won't happen while you are still pretending everything is ok.

He needs to find himself on his own to even come close to understanding what he has risked. And it will give you a chance to think.

Disturbia81 · 27/06/2025 19:04

I couldn’t get past this

  1. he sees women as objects to buy
  2. he cheated
  3. I bet he chose women younger and slimmer
  4. using family money on this
  5. you will forever feel like shit if you stay with him, it will be a dark cloud following you and making you insecure. He’s ruined your entire marriage
Disturbia81 · 27/06/2025 19:06

Katebling · 27/06/2025 18:58

Just seems to be into slimmer more younger women than me. DH seems to have developed a foot fetish/ nail fetish and encouraging me to paint my nails white or French manicures

Show quote history

He is so fucking gross. You deserve so much better

PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2025 19:11

This is horrible, I’m so sorry. I hope you take all the time you need and all the space you need, without him near you.

Topjoe19 · 27/06/2025 19:14

I'm so sorry he is disgusting. I could not forgive that.

Please don't feel that you can't go to a clinic. I went when I had been cheated on. The staff were absolutely lovely, understanding & did full testing for me. They are very discreet. Thankfully I had the all clear but it is worth going honestly.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 27/06/2025 19:17

I wouldn't have time to be on mn I would be packing his stuff.

caringcarer · 27/06/2025 19:18

Disturbia81 · 27/06/2025 19:04

I couldn’t get past this

  1. he sees women as objects to buy
  2. he cheated
  3. I bet he chose women younger and slimmer
  4. using family money on this
  5. you will forever feel like shit if you stay with him, it will be a dark cloud following you and making you insecure. He’s ruined your entire marriage

This and he repeatedly lied to you about where he was, what he was doing and put your own health at risk. I'd kick him out the moment I found the sleeze. I find it disgusting and so way would I ever be able to have sex with him again, knowing he'd be comparing me unfavourably to prostitutes.

Original poster
Katebling · 27/06/2025 19:19

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 27/06/2025 19:17

I wouldn't have time to be on mn I would be packing his stuff.

Got most of his trainer collection in a black bag to be left on the front lawn

OP posts:
hattie43 · 27/06/2025 19:19

I’ve not been in your situation but you’re with someone you don’t fully know . The fact he is minimising the effect on you and putting your sexual health at risk . Sorry he’d be out the door .

BeachPossum · 27/06/2025 19:20

I don't think I could move past that. In some ways it feels even worse than an affair because at least with an affair you can have a basic human understanding that somebody's feelings carried them away. But repeatedly seeing sex workers just means he threw away your trust, love and safety for a few shags. It's so bleak.

I'm so sorry OP. I would be reeling. Is there someone you trust who you can talk to?

justasking111 · 27/06/2025 19:22

Just open the bedroom window and tip all his clothes etc out @Katebling

ForestFox44 · 27/06/2025 19:22

Absolutely not. Kick him out. Disgusting

Vaxtable · 27/06/2025 19:25

Deal breaker for me, Imwould be packing his bags and sending him on his way. I would get a shit hot lawyer and take him for everything I can

Praying4Peace · 27/06/2025 19:26

OP, my heart goes out to you and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
I agree with other posters about him needing to move out and give you time alone.
You are going through hell and as much as I always try to be objective and give people another chance, I think that your marriage is over. How can you possibly get past this?
That is for another time.
You have every right to be experiencing the roller coaster of emotions you are feeling.
Moment by moment.
Please confide in close family or friends, that may make you feel better