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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

End-of-year class gift drama

347 replies

bathroomadviceneeded · 27/06/2025 10:48

My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 27/06/2025 10:49

Yep, totally batshit.

CarmellaSopranosKitchen · 27/06/2025 10:54

it's not nice - listing people like this, but don't get drawn into the drama.

RedSuedePump · 27/06/2025 10:54

totally out of order

TeenToTwenties · 27/06/2025 10:55

Terrible. School would be appalled at this.

minipie · 27/06/2025 10:55

Batshit and not on

Purpleturtle43 · 27/06/2025 10:55

Fine to do a collection for those that want to contribute but should be no pressure or naming and shaming for those that don't choose to.

HerbieFluffyDumpling · 27/06/2025 10:56

That seems an excessive amount for an end of year gift. It's totally wrong to add the amounts contributed though, I'd be livid about that.

Needmorelego · 27/06/2025 10:56

That's not on.
The organiser should be told firmly that people's financial decisions are private and that information needs to be removed from the group chat NOW.
If needs be they should themselves be removed from the group chat and blocked so they can't message or write posts.
Honestly some people just have no brains.

PerkyShark · 27/06/2025 10:57

Why do people do this? Always some nosey self-proclamined class rep.

Jeschara · 27/06/2025 10:59

Disgraceful, the organiser is at best insensitive, and worst thick. The organiser should be spoken too by one designated person who is calm and can explain why this is not acceptable.
What about people who have three children, who cannot afford to give much as they may have three children to give a contribution too. I find this disgusting.

ThejoyofNC · 27/06/2025 10:59

Speak up, someone has to.

These "organisers" are bloody awful. Quick to praise themselves for giving up their valuable time to make everyone else's life sooo much easier. When in fact they just get a buzz out of feeling like they're on some sort of power trip, especially on WhatsApp groups.

DappledThings · 27/06/2025 10:59

Completely unreasonable behaviour. I've organised the class gifts a few times. Left my bamk details on the class WhatsApp and been very clear it's totally optional there's no expectation of any amount. Regardless of who has contributed I've signed the card as from the whole class.

Trying to shame people like that is awful behaviour.

Heyheyitsanotherday · 27/06/2025 10:59

I’d be absolutely furious. Bat shit behaviour! And really unkind. They need calling out on being so mean. Some people may not be able to afford anything. No right at all to do this to people. Bullying behaviour. I’d ask for my money back and rearrange something. We do a class whip round. But no set amount has to be given. And NO ONE is pressured or named and shamed. Infact even when people don’t put in it just comes from the class as a whole. The person needs to be told they are a nobhead.

Glittertwins · 27/06/2025 10:59

That’s horrible bullying behaviour. Why should potential financial issues be posted like that.

NescafeAndIce · 27/06/2025 10:59

I've seen plenty of class gifts collections and they're all "if you want to contribute, send money here and I'll sort it out". No-one ever even says who it's from tbh, just signs the card "X Class parents".

This is absolutely insane or at least incredibly tone-deaf. Is the person doing it vindictive or just incredibly socially unaware?

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/06/2025 10:59

TeenToTwenties · 27/06/2025 10:55

Terrible. School would be appalled at this.

This. Have you vociferously objected to the organiser? Do so. People shouldn’t be shamed like this.

TheignT · 27/06/2025 10:59

I think it is unpleasant to publish the amounts donated. The only reason I can see is it's quite a lot of money and she wants it to be clear she hasn't pocketed some of it. Not sure how to get round that one

RareMaker · 27/06/2025 11:00

This is why I'm not in the class groups!

I do my own thing.

crumpet · 27/06/2025 11:02

Utter madness. The people who contributed can sign a joint card, those who didn’t can do their own thing (or nothing if they want). A fiver or max £10 should be the limit. Naming and shaming is totally bonkers

MooFroo · 27/06/2025 11:03

£2-5 max per teacher if a whole class gift

anything more is OTT

Notonthestairs · 27/06/2025 11:05

Not normal.
fair enough to give parents a choice if they want to contribute to a joint gift.
but spelling out amounts is wholly unnecessary.

HanSB · 27/06/2025 11:06

I agree that the amounts should not be shared as it causes people to feel uncomfortable but at the same time I also think the person collecting has been put in a position of trust with hundreds of pounds so they could be trying to protect themselves and prove they haven't kept any money for themselves.

VirginaGirl · 27/06/2025 11:08

Did the organisers give the option to opt in/out of this plan? I assume not.

They don't need to write the names of the 'nothing' parents at all... unless they are really stupid and can't see how this looks (which makes them idiots) or they think they are 'shaming' people in some way (which makes them idiots and arseholes).

Someone needs to point this out to them.

NescafeAndIce · 27/06/2025 11:10

TheignT · 27/06/2025 10:59

I think it is unpleasant to publish the amounts donated. The only reason I can see is it's quite a lot of money and she wants it to be clear she hasn't pocketed some of it. Not sure how to get round that one

That's a good point. Maybe if they want to do that they could say 'I've had 3x £10 donations today' or similar. But still very unthinking.

FreestyleInTrance · 27/06/2025 11:12

One of the Mums in our Class WhatsApp always sets up a Thanksbox for the teacher and TAs, and it's great for avoiding this. It allows everyone to add a message to the recipient, and you can donate if you wish, but no-one knows how much was donated or by who, and no-one needs to 'account' for money sent to them.

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