End-of-year class gift drama

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My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

I was a secondary teacher and never got anything. Obviously nobody liked me 😂 but I would have been saddened that kids in the class were forced and/or shamed in this way.

Is this a state school or private?

It's batshit horrible behaviour either way, but the nuances of naming and shaming the poorer families who don't have budget for this kind of thing is different in the two cases.

In the state school there are going to be people on benefits and using food banks who could only contribute by missing a meal and that's not going to happen. This nasty behaviour sigmatises the most vulnerable pupils.

In a private school the wealthier parents who have plenty of disposable income after paying school fees may resent the families who are just about scraping the money together through careful budgeting. If your motivation for buying an expensive education is so that your child only befriends similarly wealthy people, then the ability of less wealthy people to be there spoils the whole point.

Neither of these motivations is ok, I'm just curious.

The organiser is a nasty piece of work and deserves to be called out on it. WTAF were they thinking? And ringing each parent demanding money?!

My DC is y5 and we’ve never had this sort of crap, and it’s a different organiser every year. There are 3 classes per year and an organiser in each class sends a WhatsApp to their class parents asking if you would like to contribute then just to transfer money to their bank account or give cash, and there is some other website they’ve used before for parents to pay into. They ask for gift suggestions, wrap it all up, photograph it to show us, and that’s that. No drama whatsoever.

Agree it’s totally unfair to “name and shame” those not contributing who might just have found a lovely present elsewhere for the teacher or not have much money at the moment.

But I don’t agree that, if people have willingly donated, the sum is too high. Teachers work very hard and the generosity of donations is probably reflective of their kids’ happiness and wellbeing so the teacher deserves it.

Unbelievably awful thing to do. Imagine how the people who can't afford to contribute must feel. I'd have to say something because I can't help myself with stuff like this, but really you'd be best avoiding the drama.

this is grotesque behaviour and why I really think they should ban expensive end of term gifts for teachers.

I would report this to school.

and yes it's too high

One christmas our teacher got a vast sum - hundreds of pounds. How do you think that feels for parents to contribute to a teacher getting more than the entire family budget over xmas in one voucher?

It's insensitive, unncessary and ridiculous.

There are children in our primary school who would be lucky to get £50 spent on presents in their house - there will be no tree, no xmas dinner because of cost.

Seeing a teacher swan off with £300 john lewis or whatever is just wrong sorry.

They are public servants there should be rules around gifts.

I also work in the public sector I do an important and poorly paid role I would not want ANYBODY I come into contact with or support in any way giving me a gift.

So wrong to say who gave what. We do a class gift. I’ve organised before as class rep and would never say who put what in. Most put £10 in. Some £5. A few £1/2. Odd one £20 Doesn’t matter

we usually get around £260/300 for 30kids

This can’t be real? £335 per family would be insane.
I wouldn’t care if it said I hadn’t contributed anything.

Lots of people hold money "voluntarily", keep a meticulously record and manage to do so without broadcasting the details to all and sundry.

God, that’s mad. Have you not said something to her?

I’m doing it this year, we have a teacher, two TAs and always do something for the office. I’ve asked who wants in, nearly everyone’s said yes, most people are giving a tenner. No one will know who donated bar who’s said they will or how much. I’ve inherited the arrangement from previous parents, I do love the Thanksbox though!

Why is it being said she's protecting herself by listing individual donations, when she could easily write something like "We're up to £xxx today - don't forget there are only x days left to donate"?

I agree something needs to be said, but really it would be easier if people avoided getting involved with this kind of thing and the unpleasantness it creates

This is disgusting behaviour and I’d report it to the head.

Totally over the top.

we just out £12 per child in - £1 per month seems great amount and some people choose to do their own thing

That's absolutely disgraceful. Collecting so much is ridiculous anyway, but shaming people is cruel. We had those type of parents at my DC's primary school, I called them the school mafia and steered clear. I think i would have a word (or email) the head to let them know this is happening. I think the name and shame is bullying.

insane!!

But 40 quid is too much as well, £10 each, buy a shopping gift voucher so the teachers can buy what they want.

That's the total, not the amount per family!

Omg I was in charge of ours last year. It was totally private. I was the only one that knew who’d put what in.

It’s awful to shame people like this!

Totally unhinged and vile. She called every person, sounds like she needs a hobby 🙄

Ooops! I'm gulity of having done this!😔 I was pushed into organise this for a teacher y5 2 years ago. As the mug I am I did it. Wrote a message that those who wanted to could give me money for a gift but it was absolutely fine to not want to participate/give indiviual gift. So only wrote down the names of those who wanted to participate with the sum next to it visible for all. Why? Because I was afraid someone would accuse me (or think) that I had taken some of the money so wanted everything to be transparent. Never thought about the fact that it could shame someone..😔😳

I heard people suspecting a class mum of not using all the money collected for the reception teacher. It was awful. How do you avoid this? That's the reason I put in everyone's gift so that nobody could say/think that I had done this. So happy to be out of primary tbh, no more class WhatsApp.

Maybe the organisers are wanting to be totally upfront and honest so they can’t be accused of stealing some of the contributions?

Seeing a teacher swan off with £300 john lewis or whatever is just wrong sorry.

So teachers aren't allowed to have nice things because they are teachers? It's coming from a whole class, so it's hardly a bribe! (I agree that a large gift from a single family would be inappropriate and I think most teachers would refuse it.)

I think most parents are happy that teachers who work really hard for a class, for not amazing pay, get something nice once or twice a year. I'd rather put £10 into a pot than spend time and effort finding something not awful for that amount. And I'd rather the teacher got to buy something they actually wanted!

OP - yes, this is pretty awful from the gift organiser to call out individual families and I can't believe anyone was this thoughtless (except I can). As someone who often chucks in a bit more because I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to, I would hate to have my contribution used to shame others. Are the parents PTA reps or just took the initiative to organise? In either case, I'd send a message to the head letting them know that it's caused some disquiet. It's a shame, because the teacher may now feel bad about a gift that many parents wanted to support.

You could very easily screenshot the total raised on a online platform (what most people use), and then say "and so we got some flowers, a £50 M&S voucher and a bottle of wine each" or whatever. Absolutely no need to list what individuals gave.

Bonkers! When we've done class gifts someone starts it and asks if we're ok chipping in £10, we also have job share teachers so it gets split equally.