End-of-year class gift drama

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My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

I have organised a collection before. I would never harass those who don't contribute or judge what they contribute.

That's not on. YANBU. My Dds class-they collect £10pc. To be split between one teacher and 1 or 2 TAs

Wow, that's shocking! I set up a PayPal fund for DD's nursery teachers and a WhatsApp group, and then individually messaged each person to thank them for their contribution. Some people could only afford £5 and some people contributed £50. And of course some people didn't want to or couldn't join in, which was also fine, I just put "The parents of the school leavers 2024" on the card, and asked everyone to sign it when I saw them, regardless of if they'd put money in. No-one should be singled out or shamed like that!

A handmade card by the child can be quite a task for some by the end of the year. Just getting them into school is hard enough.

Very unreasonable. The amount has always been clear in our groups (£10 state school, £20 private school!) and nobody is shamed for not contributing, their name just doesn't go on the card. If you haven't already given then I wouldn't and just get a separate gift.

DS is about to leave primary school and we've never been in the class WhatsApp group. A lot of them have their own cliques and what have you but DS has his friends and we can communicate with those parents directly if we need to, there are a few we've got to know and become friendly with as time has gone on.

The only time it's bothered me was a few years ago now a "class" gift was organised in the group, with the names of all the kids who's parents contributed in a card. There were maybe three kids out of the class who's names weren't on there, who I presume like us simply weren't asked.

I didn't think it was very nice for DS to be left out, and I didn't think it was very nice for the teacher to think we might have had a reason not to have contributed.

This is crazy, my Mum was teacher and was pleased to get anything really but what was more appreciated than anything expensive were the biscuits/chocolates. She hated it when a parent bought her something clearly expensive or too personal, she got really embarrassed when a parent bought her necklace which was the same style but a different colour of one that i had bought her.

Totally out of order to reveal how much or little each family have contributed. I am not surprised that the group members are up in arms! No disrespect to teachers but they are paid to do the job…….a small token gift, perhaps crafted by the child, and a thank you card is perfectly acceptable surely? The world has gone fucking mad! Cost of living crisis and some batshit crazy twat organises a collection for teachers and calls people out for not taking part!!!!!

That is really spiteful. I’m not the sort to confront people but this is something I definitely would speak out against.

OP, can you say something in the group? Along the lines of you're sure it's not malicious but it's unfair to make it clear who has and hadn't donated, that the teacher wouldn't want that, that some people may for any reason choose not to donate, and actually if you value the teacher's work this year but aren't able to donate, you know the teacher would love a drawing from the child with a paragraph on the back from parents saying thank you for doing XYZ for my DC?

This is gross.

This. If I was in the group and had contributed I would write similar.
if it is a mixed area the actions are even worse.
My question is should the school know what happened? Probably not, but it is appalling.

Collections like this for a gift for a teacher is out of control. I don’t believe any teacher should get a gift for doing their job.

I would not contribute and say so online and take a couple of bunches of flowers or boxes of chocs for the teacher. The organiser is a bully.

Someone should just speak up. I bet other parents would be relieved as well. I'd just say:

Hi Sharon, appreciate you organising the gift but don't think it's fair to call out those who haven't contributed, or highlight amounts. We all have different budgets, varying numbers of teachers to think about and some may have already organised their own gifts.

As previous poster has said report to the Head teacher. This is not on. This kind of stuff has got out of hand.

In my personal opinion, I don't think financial gifts should be allowed - too many issues attached this. A small hand made card is more than enough.

They are paid to do this job (admittedly not enough). Also annoys me that it takes a team of people, the TA, kitchen staff, reception team, cleaners etc. to run a school but it's usually the better paid staff that get a huge gift like this...

Where I live (in Normal World) the first six responses would have been ‘fuck off, I’m out’, the group chat would have folded, and that would have been that.

My message would have been a more diplomatic ‘we’re doing our own thing this year and next year, because I can’t say I’m comfortable with this system’.

Wtaf!

we do a group gift. A message is sent saying ‘if you want to contribute is everyone happy with £5 / £10 / whatever’ and then their name is added to the card. No fanfare. Normal! Your set up is mental.

Completely out of order to share the amounts contributed and pester those who didn't give anything. Never happened in my kids classes and gifts were from the entire class including those who did not contribute.

The whole thing is disgusting. I would have NOTHING to do with it and would have no qualms about speaking up to express my distaste.

I have never been a part of any voluntary collection where the amounts donated and by whom have been made visible to the group.

YANBU. I really don’t like the naming and shaming element of that. Parents have such different budgets, and some may prefer to just do a home made card or buy a box of chocolates as that’s all they can afford.

As an ex-teacher, I would have been horrified if any of my parents felt pressured into contributing towards giving me a present worth hundreds of pounds, especially if they were struggling financially. A heartfelt hand written thank you note in a card or verbally was just as touching. Some children made me bookmarks or other little crafty bits which were lovely as well. Teachers are grateful for anything they receive, but certainly do not expect lavish gifts or hold it against anyone who doesn’t contribute.

That’s horrible - completely out of order

That absolutely crazy!! I did the Christmas gifts and will likely do the end of year collection too as I don’t mind. Some contribute £5 others £40 but I wouldn’t ever tell anyone or publish who’s given what! That’s really unpleasant behaviour.

Here's hoping the organiser either returns the rest of the money not used or donates it to the PTA because that's a ridiculously high amount for teacher prezzies.

That is weird (publicly announcing who gave what). Are they trying to shame people into giving more? What if a family can't afford it or are doing their own personal thing for the teachers?

In my years of having school aged kids, there's been a mix of group collections/not. Sometimes there's been a suggested amount, maybe £10 split between two teachers and a TA, or else just give what you like. Nobody has ever revealed who's given what.

More recently there's been a switch towards a whole school approach. Someone from each class will collect money and some of it goes towards a gift for the class teacher and some goes into the pot for gifts for the other school staff, so the head, TAs, admin staff, lollipop lady, caretaker, etc, all get something.