End-of-year class gift drama

[bathroomadviceneeded]

My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

Insane behaviour

Bullying behaviour: it's unkind, and deliberately so.

And £355 for two teachers? Insane? (not that they don't deserve it, but still ... ) Better to donate the money to the school to help with resources or do a trip or something, unless it's already a well-off paying-for-education school.

Desperate carry on.
I would ignore them and buy the teachers chocolates or a candle myself.
The person organising this will most likely give a gift they themselves will like.
I am an assistant in school and our parents association do a gift basket and you can contribute what you like. Some do homemade crafts others wine etc. I think the worry about getting it right and avoiding waste has taken the joy out of giving.

Crazy and toxic as a lot of these WhatsApp groups seem to be . Im not even sure the teachers can accept such a gift. At my old school any gift over around £20 had to be declined.

As mentioned earlier they could do that by offering a no-name running total - daily if necessary - which would also serve as a "reminder" for folk to donate

I suppose someone could still say "That doesn't include mine, you've nicked it", but if that sort of toxicity's present the only possible answer is to swerve it completely and leave parents to make their own arrangements

This is dreadful it should be up to each individual what they do and don't give. I would speak out on the group and make sure this does not happen next year.
Really annoys me I encourage children to make a thank you card for teacher but that is enough. When my eldest started school they used to say no gifts next thing these what app groups started... Totally getting out of hand. I make a point of not contributing and give money to a local charity & UNICEF
Recent years a teacher from school has also been a parent in the groups. They one first to reply with a supportive message.
Followed by me saying not contributing making a donation to charity.
Contributions from our classes near €500 getting vouchers & gifts for class teacher & class SNA, secretary from parents.
Then on last days the children get and give other gifts to teachers chocolates ...
Prior to Revolut used to be a parent or two hanging around the school at drop off/collection to gather the cash. I knew a parent who had to avoid the school due to financial pressures at the time.
If schools looking for fundraiser.... This is the place to start

Never come across this!
If a group gift is agreed (snd not all patents agree, with sine giving individual gifts and some not gifting at all), at most there’s a recommended amount (£5-£10) and it’s never remarked. One parent could give £1 another £20 and no one knows. Anything else is totally unnecessary.
Agree someone needs to tell the organiser to stop.

Typos doh!

OP, I did a username search (I'm a curious person) and see you are a teacher in this private school and that your kids go to the school.

Surely that puts you in a position to do something about it? Do the other parents on the whatapp group know you are a teacher in the school? Are they not embarrassed?

Totally mental

When I was clerk to the school governors, I was tasked with organising the head teacher's retirement gift. I presented a financial statement with a list of amounts donated in one column and a list of donors in the other with the note 'Not in the same order'. so everyone knew exactly how much was donated but no-one was identified.

Absolutely awful, I honestly think schools should have a policy where teachers can't accept end of term gifts to avoid this shit from happening, whoever is organising this is despicable

I thought this was the case in some LAs.

As always, it's gone too far

Appalling. It is completely wrong to publicise how much people have given. Do you feel able to call it out?

I'm sure the HT would be appalled if they knew.

No teacher needs to be given that amount and most schools have a rule of anything over £100 must be declared. I used to get about 4 bunches of flowers, 3 or 4 boxes of chocolates, a couple bottles of wine and once some really lovely hand cream.

It's a private school I think.

This is bonkers and frankly appalling behaviour.
I was a teacher for 14 years and would not have been impressed to find out parents were being pressured like this.
Also just to point out that most schools that I’m aware of have “gift policies”. In my school we had to declare individual gifts over £20.

Thanks for your replies, it’s good to know I’m not crazy!

Once some parents spoke up, others jumped in really quickly defending the organiser. ‘You don’t have the right to comment if you aren’t willing to organise it’ type thing. Or ‘they are doing it in the interest of transparency’.

I’m ashamed to say that I gave 10 pounds when the organiser rang me. I was at work and felt pressured. I really regret that now. I was planning on getting our own gift, especially as my DC are leaving the school this year. It’s a local public school BTW, so I’m not sure how easy it would be for families to come up with the money.

Im a teacher myself and would be horrified if I knew this was going on. The best gifts are handwritten notes from students - I’ve kept all the notes they’ve written me over the years.

Bonkers, I’ve never known this happen for the (admittedly very few) I’ve contributed to as a parent, and if I’d have known this was happening back when I was teaching I’d have been appalled. I always appreciated any gifts (and especially cards with nice messages) but would never expect anything and certainly not for families to be spending up to £40 each - madness!

I do contribute to the collections for DD’s teachers, but I’d actually prefer to give our own gift, I’m just too much of a people pleaser to say so! I usually give a contribution and then also take a box of biscuits or similar for the staff room.

@limescale they start at my school next school year. This is a local public school.

wow!!! so wrong for so many reasons

I think any gift giving to someone who is paid to do a job, is dubious practice. Especially at these levels- what are parents thinking these days to gift that amount?

my understanding is roles like care workers, aren’t allowed to accept any gift- arguably they deserve it more given the piss poor pay they’re on and thankless tasks they often have to do. How is it schools and government still allow this? A card , sure ….

both my parents were teachers. A long time ago. Yep, they’d get the occasional gift , often made by their pupils , or maybe a bunch of supermarket flowers by some pupils only . I know my parents NEVER contributed to gifts for my teachers. But they were active in my school PTA, fund raising for school extra stuff. They were very engaged with my teachers and always backed the school. But They knew teachers were being paid salary for doing what they do.

unless a teacher has gone above and beyond their contracted role then gifts aren’t needed. Especially not vouchers for £100 or more - that sounds more like trying to covert teachers attention and care on your child .

I’d be asking this mom what she’s going to do with surplus monies paid, if I’d paid in. How much is to be spent on teachers, and how
mich returned to donators or asking if they’d like it transferred into school funds to pay for stuff for kids and extra curricula bits. £50 is a generous amount to each part time teacher .

and ask next year a limit is set for each donation of less than £5 or even £2

as for posting amount - this parent needs strong words to say how completely unacceptable that is without asking permission to do it in advance . The data must be deleted from WhatsApp - even if that means deleting the group entirely and the historic records and starting again. I’d also be telling school to get them to say it is unacceptable . Same as sharing personal protected information without permission on WhatsApp- the whole GDPR piece so many people seem to forget applies to random sharing of info without permission

@CeraUnaVolta This is good, I might say this. We are leaving the school this year, so I’m not in the mood to add to the drama. But I really feel for the families that have been named and shamed.

I think that is mean.
I also hate it when they do a works collection when someone is leaving , I would prefer to get my own gift for a teacher.

The organisers should have set a recommendation eg £5

This is absolutely crazy. Cruel to the non contributors and pandering to the over-contributors!