End-of-year class gift drama

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My DS is in Year 1, and some parents from his class are trying to organise a group gift for his two teachers (it's a job share, so both teachers are part time).

The organiser of the gift has sent a message in the class group chat with the name of the student and how much they have contributed for the gift. Ranging from 10-40 pounds depending on the family. Next to the names families that didn't contribute there was written 'nothing'.
e.g. John - 30
Thomas - Nothing
Camille - 20
etc.

This upset a lot of parents and the group is blowing up. The organiser also rang each parent individually to ask if they would contribute to the gift. The current amount is 355 pounds, which I think is a very large amount for an end of year gift, even when split between two teachers. I'm a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates, and wouldn't expect anything more.

I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.

AIBU - This is completely normal and you should suck it up if you aren't the one organising the gift
Not unreasonable - This is insane and totally inappropriate for an end-of-year gift.

Has she added her own child's name and her contribution?

Every year I've been involved in this there has been a culture of put in what you want, names on card for those who put anything in. The amount collected is so big it's embarrassing, but better than 20 mugs. Very important not to shame anyone. With summer hols coming up some will be counting the pennies for feeding their families.

I can imagine a Y1 parent just not getting the memo and doing this in error but I'm with the 98% on this. It's not OK.

Well thats technically bullying so obviously not on.

I never took part and feel no shame in it though. If I wish to give a card and/or a gift I'm perfectly capable of picking one I deem appropriate all buy myself not be dictated too over how much I should give towards a gift someone else choose.

I would share this with the school, quietly. Someone needs to talk to that parent. Awful behaviour.

I am a teacher.
I am also a single mum wjth massive solicitor bills and just don't have a lot of money at the moment. Thankfully those organising at my child's school ask for £5. But if it was an optional amount, I would have only been able to afford £5 and would have been mortified next to people giving £30.

Whaaat? Naming to shame???? Disgraceful.
£1 per child would still make a decent gift for 2 staff.
Who on earth gives tens of pounds? The teachers I know would never expect that.

Also, teachers are told to declare gifts over £50 for tax purposes.

I've also been part of one of these groups...not the amount but everyone had donated 'except a few parents'. I am a single parent with little spare money I didn't particularly want to be part of it but felt had to in case I was named and shamed!

Shaming people like that is awful, and should be called out.
My years of seeing multiple kids through primary school never had that level of idiocy.
I did the collection a few times, kept careful records so if anyone tried to accuse me of anything I could say exactly what money I had and what it was spent on. No need to name individuals.
It seems a large amount when you add it all up but then when split across several teachers and TAs, in our case, it ended up being around £50 to each staff member. Better than a load of mugs or chocolates, and actually ended up costing parents less as it’s hard to get anything decent for less than £5. But then the parents from my dc class were pretty decent and we didn’t get much drama. Some people just don’t think.

Why did they say you can contribut any amount, thats just stupid.
I have had two kids through two primarys and usually, the organisers of these things ask the group what an acceptable amount is, something like 5 or 10 pounds per person. Then ask who wants to do a group thing or who wants to do their own thing. Some people opt out. Then everyone contributes their ten pounds. The organiser buys vouchers, maybe a box of chocolates and a card. Those that contributed sign the card, the others can do their own thing.
I would be really pissed off with the organiser of this and say I am doing my own thing.
I have in the past done this, i got one teacher some sparkly pens and stickers as I know teachers often pay for these things themselves. Have also got book marks and things like that in the past.

I never join in these things including secret Santa. If I was one of the group I’d message back and say my child wanted to choose their own gift to give personally to the teacher so I won’t be contributing to the collection

Has anyone had a word with this nutter?
No point everyone fussing and not telling her directly to stop being ridiculous.

It's the absolute, deliberate put-down of the written word 'nothing' that is shameful! What they really want to write is 'Nothing. Nada. Nyet. Zero. Zilch. This parent is a skinflint. Tell all your friends'. I'd be buying my own gifts to give, and not buying into this nonsense!

As a teacher I can tell you that this completely bat shit. A bottle of wine/prosecco is appreciated and a handmade card from the kids.

I would be saying that I expect that giving was optional and that its exceptional rude to have revealled how much someone had contributed as its putting unreasonable pressure on those who simply can't give more.

I would also be asking that whatever I had contributed was repaid immediately in solidatory with those being 'shamed' for not contributing or contributing enough and I would now do my own thing.

I would not give two fucks how it went down with other parents. Its setting boundaries and expectations for future years.

Parent is an absolute fucking dick and now has marked their cards as an twat with no consideration for anyone who might be struggling financially.

I once had a parent only sign the card from the children whose parents contributed and asked them all to stay and give the gift to me once the others left. I'll never forget this little girls face whose parents were lovely (but I imagine couldn't afford to contribute), when she realised it wasn't from her, too.

I never actually contribute to these funds for this exact reason. I always do my own thing and keep it minimual as its not about embarassing anyone.

“I’m a teacher and usually only get a few boxes of chocolates and wouldn’t expect anything more. I think this is insane behaviour and publishing the amounts people gave is really problematic.”

This part of your post is what you need to send in your group chat.

I agree it’s insane behaviour. Surely a card and chocolates or flowers is thanks enough for doing your job? Spending hundreds on a gift for someone who is not a close relative or friend is ridiculous.

Yes totally out of order and insensitive. We always do collection but no-one knows how much or who puts in apart ftom organiser and gift is given 'from whole class'. Always made clear that no obligation.

Have to be pretty brain dead to not realise people have different affordability issues and don't necessarily want to broad cast...

Holy crap that's crazy. We had someone organise for our teacher and 2 class room assistants. It was a strict £5 per person (£15- total) and if less then that was fine or could organise your own. We were all Incredibly greatful as it took a lot stress away from us. Every name in the class was put on the card whether you contributed or not. And the gifts where lovely and appropriate.

If i was in that situation i would be asking for my money back and saying i would sort my own out!

As it’s year 1, organiser may not have previous experience if it’s her oldest child’s class.
I’d reply that the total so far is high in your teaching experience and that you’re leaving the group as you’re not comfortable with people being called out financially. Put in a lot of areas parents have no spare income.
A line needs to be drawn now otherwise you’ve yr 2-6 collections potentially with this woman to navigate

In ours some people always say they are doing their own thing etc.

When you ask teachers they always say it's the cards they appreciate. I like to think that's true.

It's ridiculous to publish who has paid and what. How stupid.

Agree, this is not acceptable. I actually would love it if we could give vouchers or something as a group, rather than me buying small presents they don't want. However the amounts given should be private. Not everyone can afford to and others may have other very good reasons for not contributing. I am sure the parent meant well of course, but not fair on everyone to do this.

Personally though if I was a teacher I'd MUCH rather everyone put a fiver into collection and got JL vouchers or whatever rather than 30 cheap chocolates, crap wine, mugs, I heart my teacher crap etc (that i would give away/charity shop)...so that's exactly why I do contribute. But shouldn't be naming and shaming.

I agree. The school needs to put a stop to this if individual parents can't. It's disgusting behaviour and the amount of money is excessive too.