DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

Really?! We've always carved each breast into several slices so it can be shared between several people. In our house most of us like a bit of everything.

In my family we always check to make sure each other has enough food. We'd have called anyone out who took enough that it left someone without, let alone the cook. What is going on in this household?!

You should plate up before serving but also tell your DH what an arse he's being. There can be consequences like you refusing to cook for him but it makes me sad that you have to persuade him to treat you like a human being.

Rubbish.

a 1.9kg chicken breast should easily feed three people along with potatoes yorkshires, gravy and veg. Eating that much breast that it feeds only two people is pure greed.

start plating up from now on-get in there first with the donuts and anything else you buy

he sound slike drew barrymor4e boyfriend in the weddinh singer

Patriarchy comes to mind. Shows you that when be used to offer you the best bits that was a show and not really him.

Surely food isn't the only time he behaves like this.

I think this is the thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4692405-dh-serves-himself-the-best-bits

I may have slightly misremembered because the OP is about taking the best bits when you've been the one to cook. So perhaps slightly more acceptable? Although I still think it is poor form.

I'd probably have picked up his plate, given him a wry grin and upended it in his lap. But I am married to a man who always gives me the breast meat without any plate upending required. And divides the vegetables. Your husband sound like a piggish glutton. I'd plate at least yours in the kitchen in future.

Never known anyone do that! You cut the breast off and two people get a breast, the third person has to have a leg. I always have the leg because it contains more iron and zinc. There are two 6ft plus, 17 stone men sitting at my table, I can’t see them eating less than one breast each.

Ask him why it stopped OP.

Tell him…before it settles into resentment.

Next weekend cook the chicken and “forget” to bring in the gravy. Send him out for it and do as he has done. Ignore any comments from him. Pour yourself a glass of wine then put down the bottle. They both need to wake up to what you’ve been doing for them.

We always (and in every other house I've been served roast chicken) carve it and different parts of the chicken are served to everyone so everyone gets some of the part prefer.....

Everyone I know slices the breast. There’s plenty of other meat on a chicken if they want more.

there’s absolutely no way I would tolerate the men having all the breast meat purely because they’re men. There are wings and legs and thighs if they want more meat.

I think we're at risk of going down the MN chicken rabbit hole here, or the chicken hole ...

Why be in bed with some wotsits when you could be talking to your H about his selfish behaviour? Is your DD like this too? Is he selfish in other ways? Would he do this if you had guests - as in take all the food? I just don't understand how you've got to this point OP, how many years has he behaved like it?

That's ridiculous. I would have pointed out what he had done and demanded he give me some from his plate. You don't have to put up with being treated like you don't matter.

I would 100% be plating and next Sunday dinner I would say anyone who took basically their share and mine last week can wait until last, but I don’t think anyone else here is selfish enough to just thoughtlessly take all the best food, even though they have cooked fuck all themselves. Here dh is your serve the same as what you left for me last week. Next Sunday, your dad is cooking and he will generously ensure everyone else is served first. Again however I don’t think anyone else is selfish enough to take so much there’s not actually enough left for the cook. Then not even eat it as it was such a greedy serve. If I sound pissed off then yes I bloody well am.

I agree.

Yes me too. I would have.said “oi, why didn’t you serve mine, li bloody cooked, and why have you nicked all the breast!!” And taken some food off his plate. Greedy selfish bugger. You need to sit him down and tell him it’s not on. Find your voice!

A sad post though, when it dawns on you that you aren’t cared for the way you once was.

The fact he took it all knowing you don’t like the leg meat is just pure selfishness. Every time he does something like that he’s basically saying a big fuck you. Please stand up for yourself and don’t allow it any longer, always make sure you have first pick.

Fair enough. But I think more than having the food, she wants him to actually care about her.

OP is he like this with everything?
If he isn't emotionally and physically meeting your needs it's time to talk with him about feelings and needs.

Pull him up on it every time!

Do you ever say anything?

You can buy tour own donuts and plate your meal first. You can sit him down and explain you find his behaviour selfish in a gentle manner. If we’re talking about chicken and donuts. If it’s more than that you can explain that to him. Then if he doesn’t care you can LTB.