DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

So if you had more people are you cooking multiple chickens then?!!! We have one large chicken between 5 of us. Breast meat is sliced, not chopped off as a chunk.

In OPs case, before the food went onto the table-which is what we do so everyone can help themselves, I’d plate my own up.

The only response is to stop cooking, stop washing up his dishes and stop doing his laundry.

Unless you have flagged this to him before then he doesn’t realise he is doing that hurts you. He is a selfish entitled arse, BECAUSE no one has told him differently or (had the energy) to hold him to better standards.

Yes it’s shit you have to explain this to a grownup- but it’s your life.

Do you never challenge him?

Nothing will change unless you speak up.

And what was his response when you asked why they had taken alllof the food for themselves and not poured you a glass of wine? They sound exceptionally selfish and you sound like a complete pushover. There absolutely no way I would quietly let that go without confronting it immediately.

I have never ever had or seen a roast chicken dinner where the breast is taken off whole - only ever cut into slices. Even if there’s only 2 of us and someone ends up having a whole breast, it would still be in slices and not whole.

please tell me you do the same with a Christmas turkey 😁

It was a nearly 2kg chicken. Why would only two people be able to share the breast if it’s served in slices ? IMO that size chicken should easily feed three and there should be leftovers. OP says his plate was overflowing so he clearly crammed it all on. Regardless of how much food was cooked it’s just bad manners and utterly thoughtless to help yourself and leave someone else without - in this case the person who actually cooked it,

I’ve never in my life seen anyone serve up a whole roast chicken by slicing off a whole breast and serving it to one person. Most people would slice the breast meat and divide up the legs into thighs and drumsticks so that everyone got a bit of everything.

He sounds really selfish, has he always been like this? It sounds like you need to tell him clearly that his behaviour is unfair and unkind

That would really push me to the edge TBH! Both DH and DD sound so wrapped up in themselves, more so DH, they have zero regard for you OP. In you position I’d opt for plating meals in the kitchen, a regular portion of everything on each plate, put the rest of the veggies in one single dish, then migrate everything to the table along with the gravy. If gluttonous DH really needs anymore food after that which is on his plate fair do’s but why should you go without for him to waste it?!?

Hope you’re ok now 💐🍷

THIS !!!

You need to be a lot more assertive, OP.

Yes it's annoying that your husband is a selfish git who needs to be told not to take all the food while you're still serving up.

But it appears he does need to be told, so your choices are to tell him or to suffer in silence. I wouldn't be suffering in silence.

I'd have said something to your DD like, "Here's a life lesson. Don't marry a man who takes all the food while you're still in the kitchen getting the gravy and doesn't think to leave any of the nice parts for you. It's no way to live and if I could have my time again I would marry someone less selfish."

I haven’t got any breast. Can I take a bit of yours? Job done. If he has issue with that. There are bigger issues than greed.

This, or the more radical option of just not cooking for him anymore.

Er, no. It's not his, he's just taken it all. Why should she ask him nicely?

"Why have you taken all the chicken breast and left none for me?" and take the part you want off his plate. Every time until he gets the message, and if there's any pushback, just stop cooking for him.

Er, no. Clearly his greed is a big issue and needs to be confronted head on.

Why are you so passive. Why didn't you say something at the time. More importantly dint you talk, communicate. Tell him exactly what the opening post says. Tell him that. Say you're really sad that it's finally dawned on you how selfish everyone is, and no one thinks of you. Ask him when that happened. See what he says.

He is walking all over you and you are slowing him to to. .
Yea he is a greedy pig and a selfish one but that’s on him. I wouldn’t stand for it.

I would obviously have the fork ready to pounce when asking.

That's horrible that he did that and made you feel like that. I would be calling that shit out every single time though. 'where is my dinner?' 'why have you eaten my doughnut?' etc. Don't let him get away with it. Because i bet he would soon say if you had eaten his favourite doughnut or taken his portion of dinner!

How about just saying what you were feeling e.g “hey you greedy pig wtf do you think you’re doing - there are other people in this house apart from you”

@Eviebeans that would have been my solution.

This is exactly what I'd do and if he said anything I'd point out that he's a greedy arsehole who kept eating my share. Or I'd just stop cooking for him

Not in our house because the men are greedy fuckers too, a chicken is stripped and sliced before it goes on the table. The breast sliced, the legs and thighs stripped and then the carcass is left to be properly stripped of the scraggy bits for the cats.

By giving two people a whole breast, the rest don’t get any, and where does that leave a smaller child? Not getting breast until they’re big enough to eat a whole one? Weird IMO.

edited typo

Next time, put your meal on a plate get your glass of wine and carry it on a tray through to the table. Tell them dinner is in the kitchen.