Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH takes the best of everything

453 replies

Floranan · 22/06/2025 23:41

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

OP posts:
DBD1975 · 30/06/2025 15:39

Floranan · 28/06/2025 00:17

I’ve sat back this week and watched, just got on with my own things basically carried on as normal but been quiet . DD picked up after 2 days that I wasn’t happy, we’ve talked and we’re fine. She didn’t really remember the meal in question, it was just dinner. But she says she’s noticed that her dad has become more and more selfish over the last couple of years. Says she doesn’t think he even sees it.

today we had a selection of mini cream cakes from the bakers. He took the choux bun, I pointed out that that was my favourite and I would have thought he would go for the cream slice. He honestly couldn’t see that at one time he would have no more eaten my favourite he would go without first. He didn’t deny it but also couldn’t see why I’m sad about it.

tbh it’s not the food or the wine or the bloody cream cake, or the fact that he never asks me how I am, or what I’m doing. It’s the simple fact that he doesn’t see me anymore, and what makes me more sad is the fact that I can’t be bothered to do anything about it. I do still love him, and I honestly believe he still loves me, it’s just something has gone

And don't buy a selection of cream cakes just buy the choux buns then there are no choices and you are guaranteed to get what you want.

GreenGully · 30/06/2025 15:56

That would give me the ick. My DH would always offer me and the kids the best of something first and I do the same.

The chicken example. I cook 2 whole chickens when doing a roast dinner as the teen boys have huge appetites. I carve at the dining table and serve up the boys first, then DH, then me. The boys like the crispy skin so I give them both all the crispy skin. If there are a couple of legs spare I'd offer them up to DH or the kids first.

T1Dmama · 01/07/2025 21:21

Floranan · 28/06/2025 00:17

I’ve sat back this week and watched, just got on with my own things basically carried on as normal but been quiet . DD picked up after 2 days that I wasn’t happy, we’ve talked and we’re fine. She didn’t really remember the meal in question, it was just dinner. But she says she’s noticed that her dad has become more and more selfish over the last couple of years. Says she doesn’t think he even sees it.

today we had a selection of mini cream cakes from the bakers. He took the choux bun, I pointed out that that was my favourite and I would have thought he would go for the cream slice. He honestly couldn’t see that at one time he would have no more eaten my favourite he would go without first. He didn’t deny it but also couldn’t see why I’m sad about it.

tbh it’s not the food or the wine or the bloody cream cake, or the fact that he never asks me how I am, or what I’m doing. It’s the simple fact that he doesn’t see me anymore, and what makes me more sad is the fact that I can’t be bothered to do anything about it. I do still love him, and I honestly believe he still loves me, it’s just something has gone

This is sad… my marriage became like yours, I thought it was just normal, married 16 years, daughter of 11 .. normal that both our priorities aren’t each other…. But then he text me one night from work and said he was leaving, wasn’t happy anymore .. blah blah…. He left once all our affairs were in order - sold off vehicles, I applied for benefits to top up my wage etc… then he bolted 300 miles away and has seen his daughter once since…. A month after he went my DD & I were on holiday and she watched the other families, turned to me and said ‘Dad was never like that with us… I don’t know why you didn’t throw him out years ago!!’….
I papered over the cracks for years…. I literally settled because I thought it was better than breaking up my family… but honestly we’ve been separated now for 3 years…. And I can honestly say I’m so much happier not having to sacrifice my wants and needs to keep him happy!….
Never again will I let a man take my favourite cake, or steal my Easter egg and claim he thought it was his!
Some men are so bloody selfish…. They think they should get the best of everything and we should just be grateful … I remember cooking a huge bolognaise once, enough for 2 days… me and DD ate and I took her to ballet, told him all he had to do was cook pasta and reheat bolognaise…. I came home to an empty pan… he’d eaten the whole lot because he couldn’t be arsed to cook pasta and fill up on that a bit…. I was gutted as simply didn’t have time the next day to cook a meal as was busy all day and running around to after school clubs etc … so I had to grab something on the run … most likely a macdonalds or some other shite…. Also ironic as they’re the first to point out how much ‘we’ve let ourselves go!’
I love batch cooking now, knowing some greedy prick isn’t going to consume 3 meals worth in one go!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page