DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

This! Why not say “you know I eat breast meat, why have you taken it all? That’d really selfish”

@Smailandthat is a very odd way of dividing up a whole chicken! You are supposed to slice it, not remove the breast as a whole hunk of meat.

Also, why do the’ big men’ in your family take precedence over you when it comes to getting the most coveted portion of meat?

Gently, OP, stop being such a doormat.

My sister divorced her husband over his greedy behaviour. Straw that broke her back was a family dinner I was at where he took all the white meat exactly the same situation. My mother and I sat there horrified that someone could be so rude and greedy and yes entitled.

I would be handing him his arse and tell him that meals will be plated from now on.

Why marry and have children with someone you see as selfish and self centred?

Next time serve food in plates, tell them to get the wine. Stop being their waiter.

It's not always that simple, my DH is unbelievably generous with money and gifts, and generally a good egg, hard worker, supportive etc but he's just a greedy fucker where food is concerned. It's not as though the fridge in our house isn't always full. He will open a packet of ham and just eat it, all, for a snack, when it would have made sandwiches for four. Drives me insane.

The only reason I can think of why he is like this, is he was brought up in a house full of boys, all a similar age, I've been at their dinner table when I was a teenager and watched a plate of meat go down in the middle of the table, they were like hyenas.

My DH will also ask "are you eating that?" because I haven't cleared my plate as quick as him, and I am still eating. Drives me insane.

I dare say there is stuff about me that drives him insane, but food is not one.

You acted like the hired help. Is that how you normally behave?

@Floranan so you plate up in the kitchen

I hate this “you should tell him”. He’s an adult human being. Why does he need her to teach him very very basic acceptable behaviour?

I think this means that next time you should lose it and tell him/them how you really feel.
But I would have done this years ago - when I cooked for my then DH and children but then had to pop out (parents evening or similar) only to return to find they hadn’t left any for me I snapped, and it did stop happening. He’s now an Ex and I’m much happier.

Yeah but that is differet to being generally selfish and self centred as the person I responded to stated. If someone just has a tendency to overeat that alone is not such a big deal but always selfish and self centred

The “chef” gets to serve herself/himself first, that’s our rule

There's also a differene in eating ham which snt allocated to anyone for a snack and eating, say, an entire stack of sandwiches you'd made to feed everyone. One is just grazing the cupboard which if you're financially ok isn't a big deal, the other is eating other people's food which is the op issue

He clearly knows what is acceptable behaviour though because he didn’t do this in the past. I’d be having a serious conversation about how he sees you and what has changed.

So the plot next time anything is missed or the dog needs to be let in is to instruct someone else to get it or let the dog in or whatever. Say that you're going first as you cooked it and you serve yourself first. Statd that as the rule in future.

Tell him how you feel he is a greedy gluten and honestly I could not live with that. Better on your own than living with someone who frankly cares nothing for you or anyone else it seems.

Don’t blame you being upset. Lack of consideration is astounding. Next week make your own roast and start taking a leaf out of the book of the Little Red Hen…

Exactly this, why didn’t you say something and take some breasts from his plate?

He's a selfish pig. Stand up for yourself because clearly nobody else is going to.

What?? Who doesn't carve slices?! I've never ever seen anyone carve the whole breast off a chicken and dump it whole on one person's plate. If you go to a carvery meat is sliced!

And yes in most families another reason to slice it up is so that several family members can have some breast meat not just 2 greedy ones!

Breast meat can be a tad dry it needs slicing and laying on the plate so gravy can coat it?

I suggest you announce that cooking Sunday dinner is his job from now on.

Why are you allowing this? You have done yourself dirty.

Here’s an idea. You can all have some breast meat and some leg meat. They don’t have to have the whole breast, it can be supplemented with leg meat.

OP that sounds awful and perhaps worse because your DD didn’t notice and/or say anything herself.

I don’t know anyone else who eats a chicken like @Smailand I assume it’s just you and your “two big men” and that there aren’t other DC who are obliged to go without so two greedy fuckers don’t get the majority of the meat?!

in our house chicken gets carved at table and everyone gets a bit of what they want most. When all 4 DC are home I pad a roast chicken dinner with chipolata’s, Yorkshire’s and the rest of the potato and veg sides. There’s plenty for everyone including the huge men.

Plate yours up first 😊