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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH takes the best of everything

453 replies

Floranan · 22/06/2025 23:41

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

OP posts:
Shenmen · 23/06/2025 06:10

Smailand · 23/06/2025 00:13

He sounds very greedy. But also you must have cooked a tiny amount of food if he managed to fit most of it onto a single plate. And it seems obvious that when serving a chicken only two people can have the breast!

I've never come across the idea of not sharing out the breast before. Surely you carve off bits.

Barnbrack · 23/06/2025 06:12

Why would you accelt that? I think I'd have looked at him and say 'youve got 2 chicken breasts worth on your plate, have you lost your mind? If have insisted on a share. My husband would never do this, nor would I! If you challenge him what is said?

Barnbrack · 23/06/2025 06:14

Shenmen · 23/06/2025 06:10

I've never come across the idea of not sharing out the breast before. Surely you carve off bits.

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Exactly! Everyone has a bit of breast and a bit of leg surely?

Optimustime · 23/06/2025 06:16

"thanks for plating mine up dh". Pick up plate and enjoy.

1apenny2apenny · 23/06/2025 06:20

Yeah my DP is like this, but then he’s selfish and self centred. I do a few things such as keep the best bits back for myself and call him out. The children noticed it without me mentioning it and they now call him out too.

Velvian · 23/06/2025 06:22

Smailand · 23/06/2025 00:13

He sounds very greedy. But also you must have cooked a tiny amount of food if he managed to fit most of it onto a single plate. And it seems obvious that when serving a chicken only two people can have the breast!

That's nonsense, it's a carved chicken, it's not difficult to understand that everyone's share is 2/3 of the breast meat and then other slices.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 23/06/2025 06:27

Smailand · 23/06/2025 00:13

He sounds very greedy. But also you must have cooked a tiny amount of food if he managed to fit most of it onto a single plate. And it seems obvious that when serving a chicken only two people can have the breast!

Have you ever carved a chicken before?

moose62 · 23/06/2025 06:28

You need to be more assertive. Perhaps, for a while, treat him the same. Plate your meal first and then leave him and DD what you don't want. If he complains say ' oh, but that's what you do so I thought it was the new norm'. If you buy doughnuts, take the one you want first and put it away.
It's boring and childish doing this but better than simmering resentment. Grow a backbone and let him know it is unacceptable, don't be a martyr.

StuffedOnion · 23/06/2025 06:29

My dad is exactly like this. When I'm with them, I make sure me and my mum get the best bits and he's got whatever is left. I also tell him how selfish he is with food each and every time. He doesn't seem to have a stop button.

edit to add I have taken stuff off his plate before. I have no shame 😂

Foreverm0re · 23/06/2025 06:31

Oh god this just unlocked a memory of an old boyfriend way back when I was a teenager. When at his house if he’d make us a drink, Pepsi Max for him and only orange squash for me because the good stuff was his 😂

CoffeeCantata · 23/06/2025 06:31

Awful boorish behaviour. This explains why wedding buffets are sometimes disastrous- horrible greedy people heaping their plates so there’s nothing left but a tomato for final table to go up! I’ve experienced it more than once.

it’s very often men in my experience.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 23/06/2025 06:33

You sound exhausted and under valued.x

WasherWoman25 · 23/06/2025 06:33

Smailand · 23/06/2025 00:28

Never known anyone do that! You cut the breast off and two people get a breast, the third person has to have a leg. I always have the leg because it contains more iron and zinc. There are two 6ft plus, 17 stone men sitting at my table, I can’t see them eating less than one breast each.

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I can’t imagine only two people getting all the breast. We also slice the breast up and share it out.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 23/06/2025 06:37

That's how he was brought up. He just naturally expects to get everything he wants without thought of others.

Teateaandmoretea · 23/06/2025 06:37

WasherWoman25 · 23/06/2025 06:33

I can’t imagine only two people getting all the breast. We also slice the breast up and share it out.

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i know it’s odd. I have sometimes lopped off the breast, just for speed but it isn’t the normal way I don’t think because you slice it in polite society.

I thought on Mumsnet a chicken normally lasts for a week anyway. That’s what they usually claim, so it’s an odd thread all round.

OP DH is a rude selfish pig.

RelaxedOddish · 23/06/2025 06:39

I would have taken his plate as my own. If the left overs were good enough for you, then they were good enough for him. Maybe a comment like best bits for the one that cooked.

What a twat tho.

partyboat356 · 23/06/2025 06:41

GoodOldTrayBake · 23/06/2025 00:02

Stand up for yourself. Next time walk over to his plate and take off half and put it on yours. Make a big show of it. Selfish bastard. He’ll only get worse as he ages, so you need to take a stand now.

Seriously, I would do this. He is massively selfish and out of order!

SparklyGlitterballs · 23/06/2025 06:41

See, this is why humans have the ability to speak. In the wild, if one animal tried to steal all the food the others would bare their teeth and fight. Humans can use their voices and talk. No good feeling upset inside and skulking off to bed with a glass of wine. You can either have a sensible discussion with him about sharing and making sure everyone gets a chance to get what they like (before someone else hogs it), or you can be a bit more PA and say loudly at the time "did you mean to take all the breast meat and leave me with nothing?" Why did you ask your DD to share hers when your H had grabbed a huge amount? Find your voice and start asserting yourself.

MumChp · 23/06/2025 06:42

GoodOldTrayBake · 23/06/2025 00:13

Really?! They didn’t understand that what they were doing was selfish and bad manners? That makes my blood boil. I hate selfish wankers.

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I would have lost any interest in my husband if he acted like this.

BusyMum47 · 23/06/2025 06:43

Knittedfairies2 · 22/06/2025 23:45

I would be really annoyed, but I would have said something - and quite possibly removed my portion of the dinner from his plate.

This! ⬆️

I would have been furious & definitely called him out on it - probably made a scene- but that's me! Selfish fucker!

Next Sunday, no roast cooking - take yourself out with friends maybe - get a lovely lunch. Leave your twat of a husband & your 'adult so should have noticed & spoken up' daughter to fend for themselves.

Littlemissmuffetstuffet · 23/06/2025 06:44

Smailand · 23/06/2025 00:13

He sounds very greedy. But also you must have cooked a tiny amount of food if he managed to fit most of it onto a single plate. And it seems obvious that when serving a chicken only two people can have the breast!

I'd buy just chicken breasts for everyone, then there's no issue !

Wishihadanalgorithm · 23/06/2025 06:46

My DP is a greedy fucker but right from the beginning I called him out on it. Only occasionally now does he forget himself and help himself to all/the best bits but if I spot it - he gets told. He’s always a bit ashamed and, I’ll be honest, I berate him for being so selfish and greedy.

OP, should plate up every meal she cooks and always ensure she has the best and her husband gets the scrappiest bits. As for things like do-nuts; I’d not buy them or only buy the ones I would want to eat and keep them separately so I got to enjoy them - possibly in front of him.

If the OP does the shopping, I would suggest not buying him anything he particularly likes from now on and store her own “favourites” away from his eyes.

He’s greedy and selfish - that’s the most unattractive behaviour. It’s giving me the rage just thinking about it!

SunnySideDeepDown · 23/06/2025 06:48

Vaxtable · 22/06/2025 23:49

From now on I would be plating meals, and he would not get the best of it. I would also be taking the donut or whatever I want first

Id do this too. Plate up and give him what you don’t want. If he mentions it, just say that he obviously takes what he wants usually so as you’re cooking, you’ve decided it’s your turn to have first choice.

As your daughter is an adult now, you need to let her know too though. She needs to equally be respectful and kind towards you.

KillerMounjaro · 23/06/2025 06:49

Smailand · 23/06/2025 00:28

Never known anyone do that! You cut the breast off and two people get a breast, the third person has to have a leg. I always have the leg because it contains more iron and zinc. There are two 6ft plus, 17 stone men sitting at my table, I can’t see them eating less than one breast each.

Show quote history

I’ve never known anyone do what you do! I mean - imagine the normal imagine of a Christmas turkey with a slice carved off the breast - that’s what you do with a chicken. Then you have some breast and some leg meat (as you wish).

I’ve never seen anyone get a whole roast chicken and just take the breasts off as two whole pieces just for two people.

Hollietree · 23/06/2025 06:51

He’s a greedy selfish idiot.

But it sounds like you enable it…… and so he will get worse and worse.

In this scenario I would have said something like “Oi you greedy buggers, you’ve taken all the good stuff and only left scraps for me!”…… in a playful voice. And then my family would have said “oh whoops sorry, here have some of mine.”

If you don’t call out his bad behaviour, he will continue his bad behaviour and increase it.

Time to start standing up for yourself.