DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

I would be really annoyed, but I would have said something - and quite possibly removed my portion of the dinner from his plate.

God that would annoy me - ungrateful git. You need to have a proper conversation around it.

Maybe you need to be a lot more assertive

From now on I would be plating meals, and he would not get the best of it. I would also be taking the donut or whatever I want first

I would have taken a portion of breast meat from his plate. No way as the cook I’d have gone without. Stand up for yourself as obviously with your explanation of his behaviour he’s not looking after you.

have you ever talked to him about this? What was his response.

personally I’d plate up in the kitchen and take it through, keeping the unused food in the kitchen.

So thoughtless and greedy.
Plate up in kitchen and get the cooks perk pick the best for your self then others and leave greedy guts the scraggy bits.

You need a conversation. He's obviously naturally selfish but it's something he can control if he tries. The question is whether he cares enough about you to try?

You deserve more than this.

Dreadful behaviour from him but I’d have told him at the time and insisted he redistribute the food so that I had enough.

Always plate it up.

Or better yet, just cook for yourself.

Don't cook for him & keep all the treats that you want in a box marked Floranan, or hide it.Tell him how you feel & why you're doing it.

It's really inconsiderate and entitled behaviour from him.

Stand up for yourself. Next time walk over to his plate and take off half and put it on yours. Make a big show of it. Selfish bastard. He’ll only get worse as he ages, so you need to take a stand now.

I'd keep my plate to the side and once everything is cooked I'd plate mine up before I placed all the food on the table. Then when all the food is out and he's gleefully thinking he's getting the best bits, I would go back and get my plate with ALL the best bits on, plonk my backside down at the table an thoroughly enjoy my food while watching the husbands face looking absolutely gobsmacked that I had the audacity to help myself to the best bits. I would then ask him if everything was ok with the food with a big (fuck you) smile and then enjoy my best bits. Then I'd repeat it again the next time I cooked and the next till the selfish bugger got the message.

Find your voice and tell him how selfish and inconsiderate he is.

We have a family rule that no one eats until the cook has sat down. It's respect.

When I walked back in with the gravy and realised he talked all of the breast meat and most of the veg I'd have walked back out and off to a Toby carvery to get a proper portion of roast dinner. I'd have switched my phone off too. I wouldn't be speaking to him for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow I'd set it out for him either he stops being so selfish and putting me to the bottom of the pile or were through.

This is why food is dished up onto people's plates in the kitchen in our house, and at my parents' house, for that matter. If I'm full, I'll pass what I can't finish onto DH, but otherwise, what's on my plate is mine.

There was a long thread on this subject a while back. IIRC a not insignificant minority of posters admitted that they would always take the best of something for themselves and seemed genuinely baffled that other normal people wouldn't dream of behaving that way. I guess it nets out if both partners have the same approach, although it seems quite a sad way to live IMO.

You really do need to call your DH out on this, he deserves to be embarrassed.

He sounds very greedy. But also you must have cooked a tiny amount of food if he managed to fit most of it onto a single plate. And it seems obvious that when serving a chicken only two people can have the breast!

Really?! They didn’t understand that what they were doing was selfish and bad manners? That makes my blood boil. I hate selfish wankers.

Agree. Also you need a new rule. No one is to serve themselves until you're at the table. As the chef you deserve this much courtesy that they wait for you. If he does it again, take a week off cooking and please yourself. I wouldn't stand for being disrespected in my own home.

I wouldn't cook for him again.
Perhaps that sounds extreme? I don't know as I'm not a fan of dinners or cooking and would happily eat toast instead of a roast.

My DH is the opposite. He’ll always give me the best of everything - window seat on a plane, biggest ice cream, he’ll swap meals in a restaurant if I’m not keen on mine. This is his love language.

You need to plate up the meals. And give him no breast meat precisely as a point. And if he asks about it tell him it's because you're sick of getting no food because he takes it before you even sit down.

Absolutely not on. You need to have stern words with him. How could anyone think that is okay?