I can’t explain what modesty means to my dd age 21

[coffeegirl73]

Does modesty exist any more or is it just another outdated misogynistic concept designed to keep women under control. I don’t know but I’m interested what you all think. I was in a catholic school with nuns and learnt a lot about modesty. I can’t explain it to dd though - she just keeps saying but why shouldn’t women bare whatever they want . It’s confusing me

This

Well this is a load of nonsense. I wear loose clothing and leggings because of comfort now I’m 50. I’m overweight and as I got older I’ve found I am far less tolerant to wearing clothes with heavier seams and waistbands. You couldn’t pay me to wear a pair of jeans. Heck, most days I can’t even tolerate socks. Most fabrics are scratchier than they used to be, I’m not sure if that’s the fabrics or if it’s me.

Clothes are not particularly well designed for larger women, particularly short ones. The cut is wrong and they never fit in the right places. I also can’t face trawling round shops trying to find clothes that are my size and more so I wear what is easier to find online. Fashion for the over 50s is a pretty niche thing so we are stuck between wearing clothes designed for a 20/30 year old, or going for Octogenarian comfort.

At no point have I considered anything about being hassled by men.

I personally would prefer to dress modestly as I don't want to share my body with every male gaze that I might come across. For me my body is sacred. I believe misogyny is women being made to feel that dressing modestly is somehow oppressive as there's less out there for men to gawk at.

No one is stopping you.

I do think it's just sexist shite basically.

There's nothing wrong with women or men choosing to wear short skirts, skimpy shorts, tiny tops etc. but it's only women that get told they should be 'modest'. Fuck that.

Some women choose to not reveal their bodies because of comfort, style, religion, culture, personal choice, insecurity etc

People reveal their bodies because they like the clothes they're wearing and feel confident in them, hot weather, wanting to tan, following fashion, like being performative, wanting to exercise etc.

Nobody is wrong or right for wearing a certain number/size of clothing.

Okay, @BoredZelda, so you're saying this doesn't apply to you: "If they started covering up because they felt they 'should' cover an older, fatter body".

Not sure why a thing that doesn't apply to you is 'nonsense' because it doesn't apply to you, but whatever.

Would she like to go out and see blokes with cock and bollocks hanging out? No? Then she understands modesty.

It's about consideration for others as well as self respect.

Not everyone wants to see that.

In Judaism there are modesty expectations for men. In both clothing and behaviour.

I usually choose to dress modestly (below knee skirts, below elbow sleeves, high neckline) but not always and obviously not in the privacy of my own home.

I recognise that all clothing is a sort of communication with anyone who sees you, and also affects how I act and carry myself. I am married and don't want to encourage others to view me sexually, so I don't dress in a way that flaunts it.

In the case of teenagers and young adults, I worry that by dressing in a way that highlights their sexuality, they may not be respected or respect themselves for all their other wonderful characteristics which aren't immediately visible. That's not to suggest that being physically attractive, attracted, enjoying sexuality is wrong at all. It is normal and healthy, but I wouldn't want my daughter or myself to be reduced to just that. I especially worry for young girls (thinking back to a thread about skirt lengths) that young girls who aren't confident in themselves, are trying to find their self-esteem from male attention.

Sorry, a bit illegible above, but hope you get the gist. Stuck on the sofa, fairly unwell here...

Exactly this

The problem lies in having to label everything

it’s just wearing clothes. Propel can and should wear what they like but the also need to respect that some places will have a dress code.

I only ever hear modesty in relation to women. I've never heard a man be told to put his top on, or consider the fact his shorts show the shape of his penis, or that his bum sticks out of them.
I think you're better not putting the value of us as women or lack thereof on what we decide to wear.

If your religion had a different expectation about dressing in public.....lets say eg the expectation was that you would go out in public in a bikini what do you think you would do? Not wishing to cause offence, honest question.

Funny when I opened this I thought it would be about downplaying achievements not referring to clothing / look.

I dont think modesty just applies to women! I have worked with people wearing trousers so tight I can see their dick clearly, or flashing a lot of chest. There are times and places for such things - but work? No, not the place.

I guess its less likely he'll get sexually assaulted though

I'm not sure! I don't think I'd feel comfortable with it, and perhaps I would be less religiously observant if it felt so unnatural. I don't dress modestly from a wholly religious perspective, although it has given me direction. I think that there is value in living up to community expectation. While I'm in the market for more modest swimwear, I haven't made the leap, so you'll find me in the pool in a regular swimsuit. While significantly more publicly naked than usual, I don't mind because it's in place.

As a Muslim who has sons and daughters I've taught them both to dress and behave modestly.

"unnatural" is an interesting comment becaus of course truly natural is naked

I enjoy being naked at home! I'm using "natural" in a different sense here - what's natural for my character. In that sense I find that I am easily aligned with Judaism.

I suspect that living life "naturally" otherwise would be quite cold...

also wet, also sunburnt 😁

Pride in not showing cleavage??

honesty I must be naive because I didnt think anyone alive still thought that.

so people have seen me in low tops & thought me immoral??

the thought never crossed my mind!!

Perhaps it’s because men are not generally competing with each other to wear as little as possible ? The day men are worrying about and being judged for whether or not they are highlighting their erogenous zones or not in the way that women do is the day I’ll believe we have true equality.

Oh, dear ... 'reverse the sexes' fails again 🤨 If a woman's vagina and labia were ever to hang out of her clothes, she'd need a doctor more than she needed fashion advice!

I drove back home last night through the busy city centre after the theatre, drunk crowds thronging the roads, it was hot, lots of weaving in and out of the cars, staggering, etc. Not only single man was showing more than his calves and forearms - contrast the women, a good many of whom looked almost naked from a slight distance…. I’m not even exaggerating. It was really quite shocking and it’s a bit obtuse not to ask whether it’s evidence of some kind of structural problem. Being almost naked in a public place makes you so much more vulnerable.Why is one class of person so willing to make themselves so much more vulnerable than the other class? And who is benefiting from this state of affairs? Discuss.