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Original poster

To not have a stranger at my son’s party

299 replies

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 20:12

My son is turning 4 next week. My husbands sil has just messaged to ask if my 14 year old nephew can bring his girlfriend to my sons party at our house. There is only going to be me (mum), husband (dad), daughter (8 year old) (sister), both sets of grandparents and my husbands brother, wife (sil) and two sons (14 and 9 year old). Not even husband, or grandparents have met this girlfriend before. I just find it weird that this is the time we should meet her. So am I unreasonable to say no. Or should I let her come. Son absolutely adores and idolises 14 year old nephew and would hugely miss him if he didn’t come. Told this is only time nephew can see girlfriend as she lives 2 hrs away and so only see each other once a month for a weekend.

OP posts:
Mooselooseinmyhoose · 21/06/2025 20:15

Once you start school parties there'll be tons of strangers attending! It's not someone off the street, I can't imagine I could ever work myself up about that.

But that said if it matters to you then it matters to you. You're entitled to say no but the consequence is your nephew may not attend.

Figcherry · 21/06/2025 20:15

It’s just a 14 yr old girl.
Be welcoming, could be very handy in a few years for babysitting.

AbzMoz · 21/06/2025 20:18

What’s the format of the party - just a bit of a mingle vs anything too formal?

From SIL perspective this is probably a neat and casual way to meet a new important person in her son’s life, where their dating won’t be the top story of the day. The fact you’ve got a son of a similar age also ‘takes off the pressure’ as presumably those 14yo will end up doing their own thing too.

of course it is up to you who you allow in your home, and how this fits your usual family dynamic, but I wouldn’t not find the ask particularly strange.

ninjahamster · 21/06/2025 20:18

I’d say yes, one extra won’t make much difference.

rhrni · 21/06/2025 20:19

I would let her come along.

PinkyFlamingo · 21/06/2025 20:20

Wouldn't even cross my mind to say no.

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 20:21

Aw just let her Christ she’s only a kid herself.

OneNaiceSnail · 21/06/2025 20:21

Jesus Christ op. Unclench. Seriously 🙄

ZenNudist · 21/06/2025 20:22

As a parent of a 14yo boy I'd say let her come. There's nothing at the party for him and he will just sit on his phone (messaging her!)

One day you'll understand

Bitzee · 21/06/2025 20:24

Aw the 14YO wants to introduce his girlfriend to the wider family, it’s really rather sweet I think!

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 21/06/2025 20:24

I'm quite uptight but it wouldn't even cross my mind to be upset by this as an adult.

Wouldn't have contemplated it as a 14 year old girl myself though. I would have died of cringe/embarrassment first

Brenna24 · 21/06/2025 20:24

It will be nice for the 14 year old to have someone his age at the party. I would be happy for her to attend if it was me.

TheaBrandt1 · 21/06/2025 20:25

Gosh so unfriendly and unwelcoming! Cannot understand this mindset.

Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 20:25

I think it's entirely up to you OP.

You are the one organising and hosting the party. And if you aren't happy with this gf coming along then just tell your SiL that it is a family only event.

Tbh I wonder how the girl feels about it : if the majority of the people at the party are strangers to her she might very well not want to come along anyway.

Fwiw I think its quite cheeky of your SiL to even ask to bring strangers along to a family celebration of your DS 's birthday.

OneNaiceSnail · 21/06/2025 20:34

Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 20:25

I think it's entirely up to you OP.

You are the one organising and hosting the party. And if you aren't happy with this gf coming along then just tell your SiL that it is a family only event.

Tbh I wonder how the girl feels about it : if the majority of the people at the party are strangers to her she might very well not want to come along anyway.

Fwiw I think its quite cheeky of your SiL to even ask to bring strangers along to a family celebration of your DS 's birthday.

Edited

It’s not like she’s inviting Graham and Steve from work. It’s her son’s little teenage romance and I think it’s really sweet he wants her to meet his cousin who he idolises. Kudos to her for being confident and willing to meet her boyfriend’s family at 14. They’re still children, it would be a complete non issue for me. Normally I can see things from another’s point of view, even if I don’t agree with it. I really dont get what the ops problem is with this though

DPotter · 21/06/2025 20:37

I'd let her come - but warn your son. I doubt the nephew will want to play with his cousin if his girlfriend is there

ClaredeBear · 21/06/2025 20:38

How lovely that you get the honour of bringing everyone together. They must think highly of you, you’re very lucky and I hope it goes well.

Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 20:40

My son is going to be 4. Nephew is 14

OP posts:
schopenhauer · 21/06/2025 20:41

A stranger? You sound horrible and unwelcoming. She’s a child, you make her sound like some random
off the street who wandered in uninvited.

DisforDarkChocolate · 21/06/2025 20:41

If your son adores him let his girlfriend come.

Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 20:42

DPotter · 21/06/2025 20:37

I'd let her come - but warn your son. I doubt the nephew will want to play with his cousin if his girlfriend is there

This would upset son hugely if nephew didn’t want to play with him. He loves seeing him and playing with him

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 21/06/2025 20:42

It is a strange request, to me.

Odds on this being his future wife are slim to non-existent, so it really is just having a total random at the party, who is extremely unlikely to be still in the picture in 6 months time, because they’re 14 years old.

Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 20:43

OneNaiceSnail · 21/06/2025 20:34

It’s not like she’s inviting Graham and Steve from work. It’s her son’s little teenage romance and I think it’s really sweet he wants her to meet his cousin who he idolises. Kudos to her for being confident and willing to meet her boyfriend’s family at 14. They’re still children, it would be a complete non issue for me. Normally I can see things from another’s point of view, even if I don’t agree with it. I really dont get what the ops problem is with this though

Show quote history

Well I dont see why you and other posters are telling OP how she should feel.

If she isn't comfortable with this girl coming then she isn't comfortable.

The party is supposed to be about OP's son: it's his day, his celebration. If this gf comes along it will change the dynamic. No doubt a lot of the attention will be on her instead of the birthday boy.

Edenmum2 · 21/06/2025 20:43

Of course you let her come

TulipCat · 21/06/2025 20:44

Bit dramatic to call her a "stranger". She's hardly some random off the street who's wandered into the party. I really don't get why you'd be so unwelcoming.