To not have a stranger at my son’s party

[2cleverlovingchildren]

My son is turning 4 next week. My husbands sil has just messaged to ask if my 14 year old nephew can bring his girlfriend to my sons party at our house. There is only going to be me (mum), husband (dad), daughter (8 year old) (sister), both sets of grandparents and my husbands brother, wife (sil) and two sons (14 and 9 year old). Not even husband, or grandparents have met this girlfriend before. I just find it weird that this is the time we should meet her. So am I unreasonable to say no. Or should I let her come. Son absolutely adores and idolises 14 year old nephew and would hugely miss him if he didn’t come. Told this is only time nephew can see girlfriend as she lives 2 hrs away and so only see each other once a month for a weekend.

The 14 year old want moral support be nice for him to have someone there

as 14 year old lad a 4 year olds party would be his idea of hell if he’s polite enough to come I’d let him bring his GF

This is totally my thoughts

You can choose to be (1) welcoming and friendly or (2) standoffish and prioritise your little family

Up to you, but remember you are modelling behaviour to your child

I imagine the 14 year old might not want to hang out with a 4 year old and a 9 year old? Having his gf there will sweeten the deal for him. Hopefully she will engage with the younger kids, but that depends on the girl. My niece was always keen to “look after” my DD and DS at that age, but not all are like that.

Also I’m nosey so would want to meet the girlfriend…

A "stranger"? She's a 14 yo kid. Quite sweet they would actually want to come to a 4 yo birthday party - it's boring for everybody, especially teens.

Chill,

Son absolutely adores and idolises 14 year old nephew and would hugely miss him if he didn’t come.
that should be your answer right there!

If you say no he won't come so what's more important to your son @2cleverlovingchildren ? That he comes with his gf or that gf doesn't come and then neither nephew.

My son had a small family party when he was about 6. Our cousin invited her new boyfriend and it didn't cross my mind that he wasn't invited.
They both played nerf fights for ages and had an amazing time, he really added to the party, you might find the same.

Genuinely don't understand some people on here sometimes. Weird.

Wouldn't be a problem for me

I’m more concerned that your 4 year old doesn’t have friends their own age to come to a party - fair enough when they’re 1 or 2, but don’t they have friends?
but yeah who cares, give her and nephew a little job like make sure to keep the crisps topped up. She might be handy!

No he doesn’t. He wants to bring her as otherwise, he won’t see her for a month.

what "attention"? are you always so insecure or so dramatic?

I am sure parents and grand-parents can manage to focus their attention on birthday boy while being polite to the teen girlfriend 😂

I took my partner to my cousin's christening at around the same age

At that age your partner is your world

Sure it probably won't work out but it's young love, especially a first partner, which will be looked on fondly

Or remembered as "Auntie Clever wouldn't let them come to that party where I ended up really bored and had to keep playing with a 4 year old who didn't understand I didn't want to play and just wanted to text Julie"

He could just refuse to come full stop. 14 yo don't need to be dragged to family meet-up at that age.

There's nothing remotely fascinating in a 4 yo birthday party unless you are the mum.

I think if the gf comes there is slightly more chance of your nephew engaging with your son. Otherwise he will be scowling about not being allowed to see her and probably on his phone to her the entire time instead.

It’s really not that big of a deal. There will be tonnes of “strangers” at school parties. Your teenage nephew most likely isn’t thrilled about attending the birthday of a 4 year old and probably being left to entertain him most of the time. He’s busy seeing his GF but if you really want him to attend he can come with her, seems fair enough really.

I mean a 4 year old is likely not in school yet, they don’t all attend preschool and it’s totally normal to not have fully forged bonds in nursery anyway, it’s really not a cause for concern.

So weird.

It's a kid's party, not the king's coronation.

Me too.

Well if you say no I wouldn't expect nephew to attend. There is a significant age gap between him and his cousin my son has similar with his cousins they never attended his birthday parties

I really don't understand how my post translates into me being " insecure and dramatic" ! Why feel the need to have an unpleasant dig at me just because I voiced a different opinion from you?

Virtually no one at the party knows this girl, apart from the nephew and his parents. So obviously everyone is going to have to be introduced to her. And politeness will dictate they all have conversations with her and make a fuss of her. When they should be getting on with the birthday celebrations.

So of course this will detract from OP 's son being the centre of attention.

Of course the niceties of welcoming and getting to know this girl will alter the dynamic.

Mountain out of a mole hill!!

I cant believe you're being so mean, its hardly a wedding where everyone needs paying for and someone has decided to turn up with drinking pal, Kevin, from the Nags Head!!

Unclench!

They’re having a party the night before with friends from nursery. This was a family only occasion.

Just make sure they aren’t sneaking away to have alone time 😂

I met my DS's (47) new girlfriend at my late DH's funeral. I thought it slightly odd but would not have said not to come - there were lots of people I did not know well, anyway, who were friends and acquaintances of the family. My late DH's ex-wife was also present, at my invitation (well, intimation to DSS that his mother was very welcome to come - she brought her DH as well, with whom she had run off leaving my DSS with my late DH who was in the middle of finals).
I'd invite the girlfriend.