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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a stranger at my son’s party

299 replies

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 20:12

My son is turning 4 next week. My husbands sil has just messaged to ask if my 14 year old nephew can bring his girlfriend to my sons party at our house. There is only going to be me (mum), husband (dad), daughter (8 year old) (sister), both sets of grandparents and my husbands brother, wife (sil) and two sons (14 and 9 year old). Not even husband, or grandparents have met this girlfriend before. I just find it weird that this is the time we should meet her. So am I unreasonable to say no. Or should I let her come. Son absolutely adores and idolises 14 year old nephew and would hugely miss him if he didn’t come. Told this is only time nephew can see girlfriend as she lives 2 hrs away and so only see each other once a month for a weekend.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 21/06/2025 21:05

I think it’s sweet that he wants to bring her!

Tiswa · 21/06/2025 21:05

arcticpandas · 21/06/2025 20:50

If you say no he won't come so what's more important to your son @2cleverlovingchildren ? That he comes with his gf or that gf doesn't come and then neither nephew.

This - he I suspect won’t come and perhaps neither will his uncle aunt or other nephew. Although more likely just his aunt.

because as much as it is your sons birthday their children will be their priority and their son seeing his girlfriend will be what they focus on making sure happens.

so yes say no that is your choice but be prepared to accept the consequences with grace

Els1e · 21/06/2025 21:06

The girl will remain a stranger until you meet her. I would let her come.

Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:08

Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 21:00

I really don't understand how my post translates into me being " insecure and dramatic" ! Why feel the need to have an unpleasant dig at me just because I voiced a different opinion from you?

Virtually no one at the party knows this girl, apart from the nephew and his parents. So obviously everyone is going to have to be introduced to her. And politeness will dictate they all have conversations with her and make a fuss of her. When they should be getting on with the birthday celebrations.

So of course this will detract from OP 's son being the centre of attention.

Of course the niceties of welcoming and getting to know this girl will alter the dynamic.

Edited
Show quote history

This is my exact thoughts. And why I have suggested my mil and husbands joint birthday meal in two weeks time at the pub be a better option.

why does it have to be this weekend? It’s not like it’s every 4th weekend. It’s just oh it’s been about a month we should stop over at each others for a night.

OP posts:
Lotsalotsagiggles · 21/06/2025 21:08

Id reply, shes welcome to come along, but needs to be prepared plsy with nephew as her son usually does! Lol

Sofiewoo · 21/06/2025 21:08

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:08

This is my exact thoughts. And why I have suggested my mil and husbands joint birthday meal in two weeks time at the pub be a better option.

why does it have to be this weekend? It’s not like it’s every 4th weekend. It’s just oh it’s been about a month we should stop over at each others for a night.

Show quote history

That’s fine, don’t expect your teenage nephew to cancel his plans to play with your child then.

Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:09

Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 21:00

I really don't understand how my post translates into me being " insecure and dramatic" ! Why feel the need to have an unpleasant dig at me just because I voiced a different opinion from you?

Virtually no one at the party knows this girl, apart from the nephew and his parents. So obviously everyone is going to have to be introduced to her. And politeness will dictate they all have conversations with her and make a fuss of her. When they should be getting on with the birthday celebrations.

So of course this will detract from OP 's son being the centre of attention.

Of course the niceties of welcoming and getting to know this girl will alter the dynamic.

Edited
Show quote history

“Getting on with the birthday celebrations”

😕😟

He’s 4. They don’t have to all sit staring at him the entire time. There will be some cake and opening presents. I’m sure adults can manage to break the reverent attention on the kid for a bit to talk amongst themselves.

Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:09

Jinglejanglenamechanged25 · 21/06/2025 21:03

Just make sure they aren’t sneaking away to have alone time 😂

This is also a concern.

OP posts:
Verylateintheevening · 21/06/2025 21:09

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:09

This is also a concern.

Show quote history

🙄

Ninkynonkpinkyponks · 21/06/2025 21:10

You definitely need to unclench. You are coming across PFB

Sofiewoo · 21/06/2025 21:11

2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:09

This is also a concern.

Show quote history

Oh get a grip

itsgettingweird · 21/06/2025 21:11

I let her come too.

Mostly because this is a family gathering and she’s part of your nephews life.

Plantladylover · 21/06/2025 21:12

It's a 4 year old's birthday party. Pretty sure a 14 year old cousin would rather be anywhere but there. He wants to bring his GF. It's really not a big deal.

On another note I'm sure your 4 year old will be more interested in playing with his friends from school/nursery at his party than engaging with older relatives. All pretty normal

Jeez, crazy drama llama nonsense

ThatsNotMyTeen · 21/06/2025 21:14

Ah come on op that’s pretty miserable. I have a nephew a few years older than all the other kids and when they were similar ages I used to tell his mum to let him bring a friend, GF or whoever. It’ll be as boring as shit for a 14 year old and the 8 and 9 year old have each other to talk to

Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:14

itsgettingweird · 21/06/2025 21:11

I let her come too.

Mostly because this is a family gathering and she’s part of your nephews life.

But she wasn’t until last November.

it has been many different girls before that. Not one got invited or came to any family occasion ever. One of the girls he’d been with for 2 years and still we never met her at even his family birthday celebration. So why at my sons?

my 8 year old daughter also has a boyfriend but he’s not coming or been invited. And yet my parents have met him. But yet my brother in laws parents haven’t met this girl.

OP posts:
Original poster
2cleverlovingchildren · 21/06/2025 21:16

Plantladylover · 21/06/2025 21:12

It's a 4 year old's birthday party. Pretty sure a 14 year old cousin would rather be anywhere but there. He wants to bring his GF. It's really not a big deal.

On another note I'm sure your 4 year old will be more interested in playing with his friends from school/nursery at his party than engaging with older relatives. All pretty normal

Jeez, crazy drama llama nonsense

Edited

He will. But that’s on the night after nursery which family couldn’t make it to due to work. Hence the second party which is family only. It’s the way our families have done it for the past 14 years. Friends party after school mid week. Family party on a Saturday nearest to actual birthday.

OP posts:
Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 21:16

itsgettingweird · 21/06/2025 21:11

I let her come too.

Mostly because this is a family gathering and she’s part of your nephews life.

He is 14. She is hardly going to be a permanent fixture in his life. By that logic why not have him bring ALL his pals along. They have probably been " part of his life" for much longer than this gf and will be part of his life when she is just a memory to him

I really don't understand why so many pp think him bringing his gf to his cousins 4th birthday party is in any way normal or necessary.

Whenim63 · 21/06/2025 21:17

You are really and seriously concerned that the introduction of your nephews 14 yr old “girlfriend” will stop your 4 year old being the “centre of attention”? So at your son’s birthday, no one is meant to do anything else at all, other than pay attention to him? That is…odd.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 21/06/2025 21:17

Ah come on OP your 8 year old daughter hasn’t got a boyfriend 😂 she has a friend who is a boy.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/06/2025 21:17

What are you worried about. Chill, you might like her.

TheaBrandt1 · 21/06/2025 21:17

Your whole vibe is so formal and unfriendly. They are doing you a favour and being kind even going a 4 year olds birthday party especially with a very rigid intense aunt won’t be most teens idea of a fun afternoon

RichHolidayPoorHoliday · 21/06/2025 21:17

Everyoneseemssadnow · 21/06/2025 21:00

I really don't understand how my post translates into me being " insecure and dramatic" ! Why feel the need to have an unpleasant dig at me just because I voiced a different opinion from you?

Virtually no one at the party knows this girl, apart from the nephew and his parents. So obviously everyone is going to have to be introduced to her. And politeness will dictate they all have conversations with her and make a fuss of her. When they should be getting on with the birthday celebrations.

So of course this will detract from OP 's son being the centre of attention.

Of course the niceties of welcoming and getting to know this girl will alter the dynamic.

Edited
Show quote history

I genuinely do not understand what kind of "attention" you feel can be distracted from a 4 year old?

everyone is going to have to be introduced to her. yes... and adults will have random chit chats between themselves that have nothing to do with the birthday boy.

You just sound incredibly precious, I don't get it.

TulipCat · 21/06/2025 21:18

MN never ceases to amaze me. Thankfully I rarely encounter people in real life who are so uptight about normal visitors to their homes.

pharmer · 21/06/2025 21:18

Oh come on a 4 years old party us no fun for anyone except maybe the parents and possibly the grandparents. Your brother and sister in law are coming out of duty and trying to bribe their DS to come.

TheaBrandt1 · 21/06/2025 21:18

Same. Pretty much everyone I know this wouldn’t even register as an issue.