Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

[SunnyBlueLurker]

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

For me, a better question is why would anyone be ok with having to listen to their offspring having sex in their house? Genuinely I'm so shocked that so many people would be ok with this. Not saying there's any reason to stop him having a sex life, but it shouldn't involve his mother.

He had a few Amazon parcels delivered today. Opened them in front of me. A child’s toy was in one of the boxes. He said it’s for ‘little Phoebe’

I asked him why he has got a present for a child he doesn’t know. He said he knows her through what his GF says about her and knew she’d like it. I said that may be a bit too overbearing, don’t you think?

He told me he didn’t think so, and ties to stop the conversation. I said are you meeting this little girl? He said he was going to just pose as a friend of her mum’s and pick them up from the airport next week. They’re off to Spain tomorrow and he will be picking them up from Luton when they’re back

He said he asked if it might be an idea for him to come? Apparently she shut him down and said no, it was just a break away for her and her DC. He sounded disappointed

No further conversation about the sex noises from me but I want to bring it up soon.

If you could hear them easily I would have replied "I'm too young to be a grandma!" Would have got a couple of points across.

i have taken some abuse on here because I don’t “allow” my sons to have sex with their girlfriends either. I’m with you. With that being said the first time she came here to stay (with him sleeping on the couch), I cam down to work to find her knickers on the floor of the living room! 😆

I haven't got adult children but I know if I was in your son's position my mum would have a very strong word with me about self respect. He's asked her if he can come to Spain and she's shut him down; she doesn't want him to meet the child but he's buying her presents. I know he's not a child but as his parent I would be advising him that it sounds like he's being used for a rebound, and that might be ok if he was just having fun but he's clearly getting overly invested and trying to move things too fast. He's setting himself up to get hurt.

Try my Mrs Doyle tactic. Bang in the bedroom door and shout, "don't be doing the sex in there now". They generally cringe so hard that they can't manage shagging anyway.

Is this a casual thing if she's not on birth control?

We're is the kid while she is staying at uour house?

Why?

Ye God's op! YANBU.... I'm sure one mention to your DS and he will want the ground to swallow him up. Probably doesn't realise the acoustics of your house! 🤪

With her mum. She never sleeps here overnight and insists on that to DS

@NoKnickerElastic Yes, you’d think that someone who’s been badly let down by their child’s father would take all possible precautions to ensure that they don’t have an unplanned pregnancy.

I was 23 when I met dh and had a child from a previous relationship where ex cheated. I have been with dh for 15 years married for 10 and with another 2 kids. Im glad I wasn't judged and mil didn't get involved with our relationship. We also knew each other from school. We got engaged after 1 year and had a baby after 3 years. No one got involved and are still happily married.

Just remind him that the walls are thin and you can hear his conversations also, then just casually ask if he's moving out if they're planning a baby? Make it sound like your just curious rather than giving a lecture, that's what I'd prefer it would stop me lol I'd have cried inside if I ever knew my dad could have heard me.

I’d be so mortified if my parents heard me having sex that my partner and I specifically do not have sex when we visit. Sleep in the same bed but v PG13!! Agree with others that a brief word is needed about the thinness of walls and how grim/weird that is to hear them at it…!

Seeing as you now know they're trying for a baby they need to get their own place.
Better its done now than struggling to arrange it late pregnancy.

Why

Admittedly my ds is 15 and not an adult yet so I don't know exactly how I would feel but I very strongly suspect at the moment he suggested getting her pregnant would be fins just so he can have sex I may well have shouted back...
" You'd better bloody not!"

Whoop, whoop, I applaud you. As you say, you aren’t going to win approval from everyone but you are setting the rules in your home.

I allowed my eldest to have his partner stay and it was difficult because of the size of the house and the impact on his younger siblings. They completely overstepped and acted like it was an Airbnb. It taught me a lesson, and encourages them to move out when they’re financially independent

Are you suggesting it’s a good thing to have 4 kids at 24?

And how does being an adult equal being ready to parent? What a thoughtless response, like your DS was suggesting getting a puppy. Children deserve to be born to people who want them, not somebody who wants a shag but just forgot the contraception

I wouldnt feel comfortable with my child having sex in my home.. You may want to have a nice talk with him that you need to draw the line with sex in your home until he actually marries this girl. That is how I feel about this, and I realize not everyone would agree with me.

No respect for you whatsoever as if they'd walls are thin, he'll know this from hearing you on your phone or such.

Time to move out.

It doesn’t sound like you stopped using protection 5 weeks in to your relationship with your now husband 🤷‍♀️

I have no judgement on her age. I think a lot of posters are pointing out she’s got a DC so ought to know the consequences of not using protection. It’s the rest of your life, and the life of a child you’ve got to think about. In her case, existing DC as well as any she makes with OP’s DS. Seems needlessly flippant of her to giggle about getting pregnant in this situation.

Agree! He sounds like he thinks a baby = a toy or a pet.

Well seen as he hasn’t met her child at all yet , I’m guessing having a baby together might be a bad move !!!!!
OP has already said she likes her …