Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

[SunnyBlueLurker]

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

You need to have strong words about having protected sex. Remind him the walls are thin and you don't want to hear them at it!

I think you’re a little unreasonable to expect him not to have sex in your house at all. He’s an adult, and in a relationship.

I think he should be aware of the noise and be considerate enough to keep it down. I wouldn’t knock though. I’d maybe mention it to him that the walls are thin, and he should keep noise in mind when she’s over - hopefully he’ll understand what you’re saying. Then I’d spell it out more if it happened again.

Your house, your rules. But this means you’ll have to ban her from sleeping over completely, and from going into his bedroom alone if she comes over.

Depending on her parents rules, this might mean they end up having sex outdoors or in cars if they have them. They will have sex, whatever happens lol.

Even if it sounds like mixed messages, I would be encouraging him to use protection/ maybe offering to buy him condoms, but making it clear he can’t have sex in the house if that’s the case. I would also be asking if she is on anything too.

Personally at that age, I’d be letting her stay over but asking them to keep the noise down. I’d also be popping a box of condoms in his room.

Is this appropriate given his age? Feel like it’s such a grey area

I will get flayed, but I have young adults living with me in a new build and I don't allow partners. If they want those, they have to move out.

Yes. It’s better mentioning it than them dealing with an unwanted pregnancy.

I like this reply!

Do you mean she has children? If so, where do they live? Does she have her own home or does she live with family.

Really?

Yes, really! He’s not a teenager

I’d just catch him alone in the kitchen and say you’d rather he didn’t become a father whilst he was still living at home. That will let him know just how thin the walls are, and he can decide whether it’s time to move on…

I’d remind him that a) walls are thin and b) children are expensive, so plan accordingly.

What's that got to do with it?

Just speak to him for goodness sake.

He may not be a teen but you will be left housing this baby, no? He appears to be lacking in sense.

She has a DC and lives in her own house

That changes things. They can have sex there for a start.

Then why are they having sex in your house?

I’d mention that your heard him and ask him about his plans to become a father over dinner. Where would the baby live as it wouldn’t be in your house.

He needs to wake the fuck up and not get a girl pregnant when he doesn’t even have his own house.

I would say , I don’t mind you having sex but keep it down the walls are paper thin, so thin that I heard your conversation last night, make sure you’re being responsible. I’d say this while I was doing something so to keep it lighthearted.

Then why are they having sex in your house?

They went to school together but she lives an hour away and I get the impression she doesn’t want him meeting her DC so sensibly isn’t having him around her house

I agree. I’m not sure “strong words” about contraception are really appropriate for a 23 year old. But a frank conversation about the realities of parenthood (especially when he’s not even living with his partner) would be ok - including how you won’t be babysitting!

I think I'd buy the biggest box of condoms possible and plonk it on his pillow. And have the conversation.

She’s 24 with a child??? I’d tell him to run. 😳

ask him to travel to her and have sex there when DC is not in the house

I suppose then they can just go to her house.

But it sounds like they're talking about trying for a baby? Are you worried it's not serious or old enough for that or do you just not like her? Curious about why it would be a disaster, they're not teenagers.