Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

[SunnyBlueLurker]

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

I’m also in the “not in my house” camp.

My house, my castle and I want to fully relax inside the four walls. Can never do that when there are non-family staying.

There’s no way they’ll ever move out if it’s a hotel/laundry/restaurant and shag house….

Tell him if he can’t afford to move out he can’t afford to be a dad and stop being an irresponsible idiot

Damn right it is!

And pp need to come off it, you absolutely cannot have a conversation about contraception with a 23 year old! He knows already!

He's TWENTY FOUR.

I would say this.

Hmm I think the fact she’s trying to be partly sensible in not introducing him to her dc is a good thing however surely her home is empty when she’s at yours?

Though I would be careful not to push too hard and end up with him moving in with her playing step dad.

how old are her children and how long have they been together

I like it too. And frankly if he’s old enough and earning enough to be actively risking making babies, then they should be in his own place anyway. If he still lives with his mum because he can’t afford to live independently, then he needs to not make her a mum any time soon!

just tell him

You aren’t stopping two youngsters in their 20’s having sex. You may as well have them doing it somewhere safe at home.

And you can absolutely have that conversation because the reality of your house is that you’re involved in their conversations and sex life whether you like it or not. If he wants privacy and parenthood, he needs to get his own place.

If she has her own house why can’t they go to it? Her child presumably isn’t left home alone while she is out so surely that would mean her house is free

If they are discussing it loud enough for you to hear then yes, say something. If only to remind them that condoms are not 100% ( and even less effective if you don’t bloody use them!) so they need to be belt and braces their contraception arrangements. It will also let them know that the walls are thin, so if you can overhear conversations you can also hear them having sex.

If someone doesn’t have a home of their own then dicing with having a baby is stupid. Tell him to get his ducks in a row before he thinks about being a daddy.

Have just realised she already has a child, so at least one of them knows the consequences of unprotected sex. Does she actually want another child or someone to help her bring up the one she already has?

If he's old enough to have loud sex and sort his own contraception and be a dad, he's old enough to move out.

23 and living at home, even if op just points out if he gets her pregnant she so t be housing them that might make him be more careful

Is he hoping to move in with her do you think?
Does she own it or rented / local authority.
This is the great problem facing young people today - how the heck can I leave home and start my independent life?

It absolutely is, give that you’ve heard him speak irresponsibly about the chance of a pregnancy! Is he in any sort of position to support a child, both financially and otherwise?

I have two young adult DC and my rule is the must be discreet. I don't want to hear them anymore than they'd want to hear me having sex.

They hadn’t seen each other since ages 15/16 until 5 weeks ago

She has her mum watch her DC whilst she pops over here for a bit in the evening but never stays overnight with us

He has been to her house once when DC was at nursery

Absolutely fair enough for OP to say no partners in her house. It's her house, her rules.

But you really don't have "strong words about contraception" with a 23 year old.

But will take a risk in getting pregnant by him 😬

5 weeks?!

Lord only knows what’s going on. As I say, it isn’t like I was in the room. Maybe what they were gesturing at or meaning wasn’t what I heard. Maybe she pulled a condom out of her pocket and that’s the laughing

It does worry me. But isn’t my business. She’s a grown adult herself who lives alone with her DC so she isn’t living with a parent who she’s depending on, I suppose

Regardless of everything else, if his GF doesn't want to introduce him to her DC yet then they need to stop taking chances with contraception.

She already has a child and her own home. He still lives at home but is not a teenager . If they want to have sex in a safe place then they have options. It’s not a question of bus shelter or bike shed.