Not to want my young adult son having sex in my house

[SunnyBlueLurker]

In my house?

New build. Thin walls.

His girlfriend is lovely (24), and he’s 23, but she has a lot of responsibilities. Last night I heard him say to her that he didn’t have anything on him (context must’ve meant condoms). And she said she didn’t either, both had a little laugh about it.

Heard him say to her ‘I love seeing you as a mum. I don’t mind if this makes that happen’ and off they went on their jolly jiggles! I was mortified. Mortified! As I say, paper thin walls and I was in the middle of texting a friend.

I have been exact in repeating what I heard to see if anyone other parents here would also find quite upsetting/strange and uncomfortable to hear.

AIBU not to want him having sex in my house? Or do I just blatantly make a lot of noise if I can hear them, or knock and say keep it down? Don’t think I’d have it in me to knock!

I cannot say this isn’t partly fuelled by the fact that I’m so worried he’s going to get her pregnant. What a disaster.

What do you think?

His dad sadly passed when he was younger so no other parent to ask about what they think.

Exactly this .

You shouldn’t need to put up with hearing sex in a shared house under these circumstances. I’d just ask him not to.

You said you let your child bring partners around and I understood that to mean to stay over? Once of a certain age that’s pretty much same thins as allowing them to have sex at your house.

Spot on. This is a bad situation all around.

It’s up to him who he dates and if he has a casual attitude towards getting a woman pregnant, but I’d say not under my roof. I’d also be worried from her POV that he’s so causal about the idea of getting her pregnant, she could easily soon be a single mother of 24/25 with two kids from different fathers.

Women are usually the ones left carrying the baby and he can swan off and find someone else as men often do.

That’s ‘worst’?

They really aren't young and there's a very good chance they've decided they want children. Plenty of their peers will be married now!

1. Buy some condoms and put them in the family bathroom (open thebox and take one away - that will unsettle him!)

2. I'd catch him in a casual moment and say "Oh by the way son, there are always condoms in the family bathroom if you ever need them while you're here."

3. "And you do know that unfortunately I can hear everything that goes on, don't you? That's the problem with new build..."

4. "Now, do you want peas or carrots with your dinner?"

lol that was a typo meant to say sex ON blankets, but guess you could call them sex blankets. The whole situation was awkward and cringy so hence he moved in with me (in a flat share lol) pretty quickly. Because once you’re over a certain age you don’t want your parents aware of your sex life and intimately involved in your life. Just at the OP is finding, it creates all kinds of awkward and unhealthy situations.

No. The OP stated she doesn’t allow her children to bring their partners around. To me - that means in general that they are not allowed to come into the house. Maybe the OP should clarify that.

That is what I was referring to. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest if I had partners in my house as long as it wasn’t a one night stand or a FWB situation and they were being respectful.

i completely agree that having sex for all to hear is disrespectful.

But the child isn’t in her house alone when she is at your house , I’m hoping, so why can’t they go there when she had a child free weekend?

Okay so I guess I just assumed the OP meant staying over. Can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t allow a partner to come over for tea lol.

Im hoping that’s not the case, because that’s quite mean 😂😂

They’ve been dating for 5 weeks apparently!

It’s always “it’s our business” until they get pregnant and can’t afford it then sign up for every benefit going at the cost of the taxpayer and/or rely heavily on their family - in this case, OP.

Not to mention - even more importantly as well- the impact on the children.

As a former educator I saw many of these children brought up by stepparents in and out their life, or parents who barely knew each other and split up shortly after and the impact it had on them.

What we do in a society affects everyone and if someone’s mum who lives with them can’t speak up and advise them I don’t know who can.

That’s why you have to get your shit together, and don’t lark about risking accidental pregnancies until you have. 23 year olds can get a flat share, they don’t need their piss taking enabled. This is not a difficult conversation at all, it’s a conversation about respectful behaviour in his mother’s house. Clearly overdue.

He clearly cannot afford to live away from the family home at present, or chooses not to. Therefore he clearly cannot afford to be a Dad.

This.

Do you have older kids? All my friends kids are still at home bar one who has just bought his first house,not unusual at all. I don't want my ds wasting money on rent ,I want him saving for a deposit because he's going to need it!

I think I would pass away from the sheer embarrassment of hearing my son say that 😱

Did you miss the fact the woman already has a child and is recently divorced and only got back in contact with the OPs son five weeks ago? Or the fact that OPs son isn’t living independently in his own place?

I don’t care what age they are, this clearly isn’t a good time for either of them to be having (more) kids.

We are not talking about a 24 and 23 year old who are engaged and have been living together for at least a couple of years.

Buy him a bulk box of condoms, leave on his bedside table with a note saying 'I heard you've run out - remember, the walls are thinner than you think!'

And giggling at the prospect of them having unprotected sex leading to another!

I suppose there's no cure for stupidity.

As a mother of a son (only 14 months however) I’d rather him be having sex in my house where I know they’re safe rather than in fields and parks at night etc. Yes, having conversations about safe sex is extremely important but I couldn’t think about my son potentially being in a dangerous environment doing so regardless of age.

Honestly my kids around this age would never in a million years want to have sex at home with their partners, I would be ok with it but they would deem it completely inappropriate.

I’m 23 with a child. Your point?

My kids are still young. I get your point on saving money. If OPs son in saving up for a deposit to buy a house, that’s a good reason to stay home. Although seems he needs to have some boundaries established if he’s going to live at home for much longer. If he’s just taking the piss, it’s not a good reason to stay home. It all depends on the circumstances. If your kids are saving up for a deposit and are in that frame of mind and it works well for all of you and you have clearly established boundaries, then I see no problem with that. It doesn’t seem to be the case for OP’s son.

They're both adults and it's not your business.