Disappointed in DH's reaction

[Roundandround1985]

Not sure if i am being used reasonable or if DH has a point. I may be slightly blinkered

A friend and I at work both balloted for the London marathon. He's a runner and I have been saying for ages I need to start running again and get mt weight under control. To my surprise, we both got in (hence massive panic and lots of goggling on training plans!)

Told DH what had happened and he laughed, basically said I was too unfit to do it, didn't have the body or the discipline or the diet for it etc

When we were talking about it more today, he said i was silly for even considering it. It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids and then it turned into an argument about how I can't keep the house tidy but want to train for a marathon.

The house tidy comment came from the fact that a cupboard isn't as tidy as it should be and I'd left a pile of washing on a bed that I hadn't had chance to put away.

The comments about time away from him is laughable as he goes to football every Saturday during the season, home and away games and I never say anything. He also has various trips away with mates for 4-5 days at a time and again i say nothing

When i said I would be do a lot of the running before work (I wfh 3 days and the youngest starts school in September) so if I am up at 5am I can do a good run on the treadmill quite a few mornings.

I don't know if I'm blinkered about being able to do this or if DH has a point.

Is the AIBU about his reaction or you being able to do the marathon?

Because the former you know 100% what you feel about it and I don't think anyone on here would disagree

He’s really selfish, quite the hypocrite and is already trying to sabotage your training.

that’s al you need to know.

YANBU. You have loads of time till the marathon and can absolutely train for it if you don't underestimate the training required. Find a realistic training plan and stick to it - you can use the next few months to build a base. I'd try and get some outdoor runs too, though, as well as treadmill.

His reaction is unkind and unhelpful.

He’s worried it means he’ll have to do more - which he should be doing anyway

bes a prick

hopefully this is the start of you becoming aware of this and not putting up with it

Its his reaction. If it roles were reversed (which they were before we had children) i asked what I could do to support, gave him the time he needed etc

I know it's different now we have children but I'm proposing to do most of my training in the morning or without affecting him too much other than a long run on a sunday maybe nearer the date.

I guess i just wanted us to sit down and work through if it was feasible together, not get dismissed straight away and told I can't do it

He's trying to make you give up. Go out just as much as him and leave him with the children. Can he not clean? Why is it all left to you. He sounds like a prick.

He's being vey unfair Op, he doesn't want you to train for the marathon because it will interfere with his free time and hobbies. Train, do the race and tell him he's supposed to support you, not be a selfish arse

He’s absolutely worried he’s going to have to step up and do more at home. Please do this for you. Fitness and some freedom away from family life. Go for it!!!

Don’t give up. And my advice, having run for several years with a woman who has a shitty husband, turn your phone off while running. Her phone BING BING BING BING with irrelevant, guilt-inducing bollocks every second of every run.

I would happily have done very bad things to that man. Fortunately she has now dumped him.

Your H is a dick. Start running and run as far away as you can from him. Condescending, rude little man!

missing the point of the thread but I’m impressed you and your friend both got places! My mates and I laugh every year at our annual rejection email. 11th try may be our lucky one :-)

I guess i just wanted us to sit down and work through if it was feasible together, not get dismissed straight away and told I can't do it

It's feasible. Of course it is. As you say, if the situation were reversed you would only be thinking of how you could help. Just crack on with the training, OP. Don't sit around waiting for his permission or even his approval.

Not only is he trying to sabotage you because he will have to do more, he's also sabotaging you because he doesn't want you to have confidence or something for yourself.

He's worried if you achieve.your goals you will gain confidence and might not want to put up with his selfish sh@t any longer.

He also only sees you as a mother, housekeeper and wife, as if you have no independence or life outside of him and the family.

It's not different for him since having dc though is it, because he's still going to football every week?
Put yourself first.
Be a role model to your dc.
Don't be second fiddle to your dh.
Good luck.

Why is it different with children?

and why should hour training not effect him?

all his hobby bollocks effects you

He's such a hypocrite!

Call his bluff. Say "you're right. I've been thinking about it and it will take too much time away from us as a family. I assume this also means you'll no longer be going to any football games if the focus is on family time?"

Sounds like he’s worried it will impact on his leisure time and he will have to step up.

Who made him the boss of the household servant/maid/childminder?

What they said. And why is it your job only to keep the house tidy? Do you work or are you an SAHM? I ask because some men decide their Big Man Job is a free pass out of all housework and for as much leisure time as they want, especially when their partner is at home.

I would be seriously pissed off if my partner put in for a marathon without discussing it with me first because the training is very time consuming and does impact the rest of the household. So for that I think YABU

given your partners football commitments I think it’s fair you should get equal time for a hobby away from the family but it needs discussing and shouldn’t assume it’s a given. Now’s maybe a great time to chat about it given the football season hasn’t started.

Hope the kids manage to get some hobbies in too though!

Thank you for all the responses, they validate how I was feeling

I did call him out snd say how is me being out for s few hours on a sunday for a run (probably no more than 2 until later next year) any different from him being at football and he couldn't answer just that Sunday was meant to be a family day. But when he wants to go out on a sunday its ok

He did say i would have to think about cutting hours at work. He constantly moans I work too much (full time, odd evening on the laptop) nothing unusual for a corporate role but moans that I don't spend my wfh days doing housework

Yeah he just means he doesn't want it to take you away from childcare and housework, leaving him to do it.

You have the time to get ready for it. The problem is will he step up so you can train if he’s being an arse about it? I’m doing a half in September and I have a place in London. I get up early (5am, will get earlier as the miles increase) on Sundays so that I can get my run done and get back just after the kids are up so my partner gets up with them and does breakfast. That means we have the rest of the day to do something together. In the week I either run when they are at nursery or go out in the evening when they are asleep. Is your husband going to guilt trip you about that if you do it? The training is full on and if my partner didn’t fully support me I don’t think I’d be able to do it.

How much housework does he do OP?

time to at the very least stop doing his laundry and only cook him meals 50% of the time

But I actually wouldn’t stay married to someone like this

What does Billy Big Balls do that he can’t clean?