Disappointed in DH's reaction

[Roundandround1985]

Not sure if i am being used reasonable or if DH has a point. I may be slightly blinkered

A friend and I at work both balloted for the London marathon. He's a runner and I have been saying for ages I need to start running again and get mt weight under control. To my surprise, we both got in (hence massive panic and lots of goggling on training plans!)

Told DH what had happened and he laughed, basically said I was too unfit to do it, didn't have the body or the discipline or the diet for it etc

When we were talking about it more today, he said i was silly for even considering it. It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids and then it turned into an argument about how I can't keep the house tidy but want to train for a marathon.

The house tidy comment came from the fact that a cupboard isn't as tidy as it should be and I'd left a pile of washing on a bed that I hadn't had chance to put away.

The comments about time away from him is laughable as he goes to football every Saturday during the season, home and away games and I never say anything. He also has various trips away with mates for 4-5 days at a time and again i say nothing

When i said I would be do a lot of the running before work (I wfh 3 days and the youngest starts school in September) so if I am up at 5am I can do a good run on the treadmill quite a few mornings.

I don't know if I'm blinkered about being able to do this or if DH has a point.

His testicles probably get in the way when he makes a valiant effort to vacuum.

He may be correct in that you may struggle with the challenge. But so what? Wouldn't be a challenge if it was easy, and the only certain route to failure is to not try. As far as his reasons about time with the family and tidy houses go, he has no point at all. He is speaking purely from self interest as he wants you at his back and call and is worried he might have to do a bit to help if you're not in constant attendance. He's self centred and unsupportive and I think his reaction has revealed something about him that I'd not be happy with in a partner.

That's the conversation you absolutely should be having. How you achieve your goals and how that can be accomodated between you in the timescale.

Does he support you and your job generally?

He'd have a heart attack here, there's stuff everywhere as we priortise well being and health (ours, family, friends) over tidiness (tho I've never been tidy and I'm not starting now in my 50s.)

Does he do 50% of all household and parenting duties?

Time to get a spreadsheet made of how has the most leisure time, child free time, who spends the most time doing household chores & parenting.

YOU can't keep the house tidy?😡 Is he a prick in other areas of your relationship? Why doesn't he tidy it, it's his house too and you both work.

Ask him why he can't keep it tidy.

Well done getting in the marathon!

Took me 23 years to get a spot. Got to the point I was just entering out of habit. I nearly passed out when I got in 😂

He has a point that a complete novice runner who's signed up because they feel they need to lose weight may well struggle severely in the marathon.
How many KMs are you doing? It will need to increase as the event gets nearer.

If he was genuinely concerned you could injure yourself or just not be able to complete it then fine.

But he hasn't got the right to stop you going a hobby you enjoy. And if he already does plenty of his own then he's not got a leg to stand on on that front.

As for talking about keeping the house tidy. Well, put it this way, if my fella said that to me he wouldn't have a house anymore so he would need to keep his own bedsit or tent tidy.🤣

WHY did they take the laugh emoji from us? WHY?

My friend had never run further than 5k and threw her name into the hat a couple of years ago.
Gobsmacked to get a place but actually trained and finished. Respect.

Marathon training is an inherently selfish activity. To do it well takes a huge amount of time and it comes before pretty much everything else. That said, he's out a lot with football. The issue is you'll be needing to do your long runs over the football season, and it sounds like he's spotted that and is pissed off. So in my view, yes it is selfish to sign up for a marathon when you aren't even runner without consulting your partner as it's a big commitment, but it also sounds like you've done a lot for years so it's not unfair for him to step up now.

Lots of people start from zero and do fine - as long as they take it seriously and "respect the distance". Those who sign up on a whim and do little or no training will obviously crash and burn.

Sounds like OP has run in the past so she probably has some idea of what's involved.

He’s a hypocrite. One rule for him, and another rule for you!

I think you definitely need a chat with your DH to discuss the hours you each work, spend on household tasks, spend on family time and have to yourselves for hobbies. I think, once you even things up, you will have loads of time for marathon training. Thank Mr Selfish-Twatt for drawing this imbalance to your attention. Happy running.

Why doesn't HE cut his frigging hours at work so that he can do more home and also go to all his football matches?

Work out how many hours a week he spends on football. That's the amount of training time you should have. If he disagrees I'd like to hear his reasoned explanation of why not.

What on earth does he do around the house. Bet he is a lazy prick.

He doesn't want ypu to dpnit cause it means he will actually have to do some parenting and start contributing 50% to housework.

Best revenge is to make him be a 50/50 parent and partner, point out whenever he is being hypocrite and smash the marathon!

Here's what I'd do. I'd overhaul my whole diet and health, find a great training plan (Hal Higdon plans are great), take it really seriously, do the marathon and smash it and have the best most satisfying day ever, then I'd keep on running and leave that wanker of a husband.

Sounds like he needs to start tidying cupboards out?

Why is the cupboard your responsibility??

Let me guess, because it's a boring, feckless task

Yeah he’s panicking that his work load will go up

Tell him to stop being a mood hoover and get on with it. He should be happy you want to get fit. There is absolutely no reason you can’t get it to work together, especially this early on OP. Me and my husband both trained for our first marathon (the same year) with FT jobs and young children. I did my training runs during my lunch breaks and before work, he did his runs after work and then we each did a long run at the weekend. But that was the 5 month training plan. If you have longer it will be even less upheaval for you both.

Do it and ignore him. Once he sees you’re serious, he’ll hopefully step up. Hopefully.

This. Sabotage was the first thing that came to my mind.

Marathon schmarathon. You’re married to a selfish sexist pig.

Absolutely he is trying to put you off doing it. But you need to tell him that you are doing this, with or without his support, so he needs to get used to it and you would appreciate his support. Hopefully he will give this to you. I was fortunate in that my DH was behind me and wanted me to do this for me and he knew how important this was to me.

But please, please do this. Getting a ballot entry for the marathon is fantastic and you are very privileged to have it.

Also, I trained and ran the London Marathon in the year that I turned 40. I had only done up to 10K at that point, and VERY slowly and had not run consistently for a while. But I was absolutely determined that if I was going to do this, then I was going to do it properly.

I trained for this, worked full time and had 2 school aged kids when I did it and yes its hard, but with organisation you CAN DO THIS!!!! Please don't let him make you believe that you can't.

I got up early several times a week to do my shorter training runs and up early on Sundays for my long run which I did before the kids even got up.

Running and finishing the London Marathon continues to be one of the best days and experiences of my life. I would encourage you 100% to do this!!!

Time to actually produce a spreadsheet of his time in /out of the house..
Suggest your free time will now be equal to his.

Or is he pissed you might be training with A MAN?.

And what does he do around d the house? Jack shit probably.