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AIBU?

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Original poster

Disappointed in DH's reaction

245 replies

Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 17:12

Not sure if i am being used reasonable or if DH has a point. I may be slightly blinkered

A friend and I at work both balloted for the London marathon. He's a runner and I have been saying for ages I need to start running again and get mt weight under control. To my surprise, we both got in (hence massive panic and lots of goggling on training plans!)

Told DH what had happened and he laughed, basically said I was too unfit to do it, didn't have the body or the discipline or the diet for it etc

When we were talking about it more today, he said i was silly for even considering it. It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids and then it turned into an argument about how I can't keep the house tidy but want to train for a marathon.

The house tidy comment came from the fact that a cupboard isn't as tidy as it should be and I'd left a pile of washing on a bed that I hadn't had chance to put away.

The comments about time away from him is laughable as he goes to football every Saturday during the season, home and away games and I never say anything. He also has various trips away with mates for 4-5 days at a time and again i say nothing

When i said I would be do a lot of the running before work (I wfh 3 days and the youngest starts school in September) so if I am up at 5am I can do a good run on the treadmill quite a few mornings.

I don't know if I'm blinkered about being able to do this or if DH has a point.

OP posts:
OnionsNotBunions · 21/06/2025 18:40

Man, I would train like an elite athlete. Morning, noon and fucking night.

And when I’d come in with a time under 3-4 hrs, I would take my hot running body and run the fuck away from the sexist twunt.

TheChosenTwo · 21/06/2025 18:42

He sounds like a jealous twat giving you a guilt trip because you’re going to do something all go yourself.
Massive congratulations on getting your ballot place 🥳 I got one 3 years ago but pulled out when I got a stress fracture in my hip on one of my training runs 😭 gutted and so disappointed, I’d trained so hard and like you said, I did most of my training runs in the morning before anyone else was even awake, not because dh was an unsupportive arsehole but because it’s always been my preferred time for exercise.
Please train for that marathon, complete it and win your medal - consider the marathon as your training run in case you ever decide to run very far away from your dh.

Onleemoi · 21/06/2025 18:42

Family time just means he doesn’t want sole responsibility of looking after the children. I can’t imagine suggesting a loved one doesn’t do something because a cupboard is messy. Running a marathon is hard, the training runs can feel pretty relentless. People manage though and there’s no reason you can’t do it.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 18:43

omg what a complete cunt.

3rdtimelucky73 · 21/06/2025 18:43

You're not being unreasonable to question why he doesn't support his wife's goals and is more worried his housemaid is going to reduce his hours

DaisyChain505 · 21/06/2025 18:44

Why is he bringing up you having to clean the house as if it’s just yours and only you living there.

Where’s his contribution to keeping the house running?

YourWildAmberSloth · 21/06/2025 18:44

He's telling you to stay in your lane.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 21/06/2025 18:49

He’s a lazy, nasty arsehole.

gamerchick · 21/06/2025 18:49

Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 17:29

Thank you for all the responses, they validate how I was feeling

I did call him out snd say how is me being out for s few hours on a sunday for a run (probably no more than 2 until later next year) any different from him being at football and he couldn't answer just that Sunday was meant to be a family day. But when he wants to go out on a sunday its ok

He did say i would have to think about cutting hours at work. He constantly moans I work too much (full time, odd evening on the laptop) nothing unusual for a corporate role but moans that I don't spend my wfh days doing housework

He's trying to make your world small OP. I'd be telling him that he doesn't get to do that, that he's not your master and you're not there to care for him.

Original poster
Roundandround1985 · 21/06/2025 18:55

I accept i probably should have talked to him first but honestly this is maybe my second time in 10 years balloting so in my head there was no way I was getting a place. I feel very lucky and don't want to waste the opportunity

His football at the weekends are watching his team play. If its a home game I drop him off at 12 and then he can reappear any time from 5pm after the game but will often stay late until 8-9pm when the bar closes

Ig its an away game he can be gone from early in the morning until late at night, assuming he doesn't make a weekend of it and stay over (probably 50% of time)

I maybe go out for lunch on a sunday with a friend once a quarter.

I do have some travel for work, which is met with moaning from DH ad it usually involves him having to go into work an hour later to drop the children off and I have to work any work travel around his work and do later flights (which are massively inconvenient!) Just so he doesn't have to go into work an hour later (his boss is fine with it as he has kids etc dh just doesn't want to)

I am not under estimating how much training it will be which is why I'm starting properly now (already on week 5 of C25K) and I'm not really asking much of DH other than a few hours on a sunday

OP posts:
Azureshores · 21/06/2025 18:56

The only thing you are U for is marrying a grade A twat of a man and having dc's with him.

He's a disgrace.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2025 18:56

You give him lifts to his games? And he complains at you and doesn’t want you to have time. You see that he’s a selfish nobber, right?

2024onwardsandup · 21/06/2025 19:02

Get a back bone and some self esteem OP

you are a forth more than this

he is not more important than you

jsut because you’re a woman doesn’t mean your needs and wants come last

2024onwardsandup · 21/06/2025 19:02

With more than this…

Deadcog · 21/06/2025 19:04

How can you type this out and not have the scales fall from your eyes?

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 19:07

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 18:43

omg what a complete cunt.

I wrote this after reading the op.

ive now read the whole thread.

it blows my mind, and not in a good way at all, that you haven’t divorced him.

why, why, why do so many women put up with being treated like shit.

Tattyflaps80 · 21/06/2025 19:10

Of course what he’s said is unkind! If you have children and work 3 days then keeping the house tidy is just as much his responsibility! You need to get so angry that you absolutely succeed at running the marathon! My partner commented on a woman’s body on Only Fans in 2020 and I’ve spent 5 years quietly exercising when he’s not home, he can get to fuck just like your husband can, doesn’t think your body can do it? I bet 4 billion other men think your body and you are good enough! Do it quietly, run while he’s in bed, don’t talk about it and show that fucker what you’re made of!

Dingalingalong · 21/06/2025 19:11

arethereanyleftatall · 21/06/2025 19:07

I wrote this after reading the op.

ive now read the whole thread.

it blows my mind, and not in a good way at all, that you haven’t divorced him.

why, why, why do so many women put up with being treated like shit.

Show quote history

I agree! The unfairness of the childcare, household and mental load split is unreal! He goes where he wants, when he wants, for however long he wants, and the only reason he wants you home more is to do more childcare so he doesnt have to (sundays) or more house chores, so he doesn't have to. Got nothing to do with "family" time. He's taken you for a mug for quite a while, it seems.

Dingalingalong · 21/06/2025 19:13

Tattyflaps80 · 21/06/2025 19:10

Of course what he’s said is unkind! If you have children and work 3 days then keeping the house tidy is just as much his responsibility! You need to get so angry that you absolutely succeed at running the marathon! My partner commented on a woman’s body on Only Fans in 2020 and I’ve spent 5 years quietly exercising when he’s not home, he can get to fuck just like your husband can, doesn’t think your body can do it? I bet 4 billion other men think your body and you are good enough! Do it quietly, run while he’s in bed, don’t talk about it and show that fucker what you’re made of!

Can I ask, is your end game to leave the sleazy twat once you got a body to flaunt? Because, you already have it!

thepariscrimefiles · 21/06/2025 19:14

Your DH leads the life of Riley. I can't believe that you take him to his home games and when his team is playing away, he is gone all day. He only works from 7am until 2pm and you work full time and do pretty much everything in the house, apart from him cooking a couple of times a week. Do you earn more than he does?

Do not let him stop you training for the marathon. He is mind-boggling selfish and out of order.

Lampzade · 21/06/2025 19:15

YourWildAmberSloth · 21/06/2025 18:44

He's telling you to stay in your lane.

Absolutely this
If my dh came out with that crock of shit that your dh was spouting I would definitely be running that marathon .. by hook or by crook

socialdilemmawhattodo · 21/06/2025 19:16

GuevarasBeret · 21/06/2025 17:17

He’s really selfish, quite the hypocrite and is already trying to sabotage your training.

that’s al you need to know.

This^^. He's being a wanker because he might have to step up.

So for every sat he gets for free time for football, you get the same time back automatically from him as part of him supporting you, to train. And it needs to be at a sensible time, so don't go squeezing your training in to suit him.

Then his lovely little holidays away. They might need to stop, so he can look after kids, home etc whilst your training programme grows. But my best guess - he won't and you won't make him. I still think he's a wanker.

OhCobblers · 21/06/2025 19:19

Azureshores · 21/06/2025 18:56

The only thing you are U for is marrying a grade A twat of a man and having dc's with him.

He's a disgrace.

This pretty much sums up how I felt when I read your first post OP. Horrible little wanker of a man.
i was just wondering how my DH would react if I was in your shoes and he would be so supportive in all ways and asking what he could do to help me train.

You don’t deserve anything less than that.

Purplebunnie · 21/06/2025 19:22

I'm sorry but the dishwasher is not a designated job. Everyone puts their own dishes in in this house and whoever is around when it is finished and cooled can empty it. How old are your DC, you need to start them off early to help with this chore.

I do my own washing, DH does his own and DD does her own. Obviously your DC are too young but your DH can put the odd load own now and then

He's not pulling his weight

Pateallday · 21/06/2025 19:25

Your husband is a lazy, selfish arsehole. He's talking you down because his live in maid service, taxi service, childcare and general dogsbody might be at risk and he might just have to do something near to equal in the household for 6-9 months out of his entire life.

Stop facilitating him. Stop putting his career before yours trying to fit travel around his flexible work. Pretty soon you'll find you have more than enough time for training.

Though honest to god, if he genuinely treats you so poorly then you should be looking at the bigger picture in terms of whether he's worth staying for, and if you want your children to think thats a good model for a relationship.