Disappointed in DH's reaction

[Roundandround1985]

Not sure if i am being used reasonable or if DH has a point. I may be slightly blinkered

A friend and I at work both balloted for the London marathon. He's a runner and I have been saying for ages I need to start running again and get mt weight under control. To my surprise, we both got in (hence massive panic and lots of goggling on training plans!)

Told DH what had happened and he laughed, basically said I was too unfit to do it, didn't have the body or the discipline or the diet for it etc

When we were talking about it more today, he said i was silly for even considering it. It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids and then it turned into an argument about how I can't keep the house tidy but want to train for a marathon.

The house tidy comment came from the fact that a cupboard isn't as tidy as it should be and I'd left a pile of washing on a bed that I hadn't had chance to put away.

The comments about time away from him is laughable as he goes to football every Saturday during the season, home and away games and I never say anything. He also has various trips away with mates for 4-5 days at a time and again i say nothing

When i said I would be do a lot of the running before work (I wfh 3 days and the youngest starts school in September) so if I am up at 5am I can do a good run on the treadmill quite a few mornings.

I don't know if I'm blinkered about being able to do this or if DH has a point.

OP please do this marathon! Your hubby is being a dick.. let's prove him wrong. Start a thread about your training, or even this one, let us know how you're getting on, we can hold you accountable and cheer you on the whole way! London marathon is in what, May? Loads of time. My hubby has ran lots of marathons including London (which was amazing by the way) and I supported him all the way! Such an achievement and what a role model you'll be for your kids.

Tell him your training will absolutely impact on time with him and the kids, and that you’re absolutely fine with that, and expect him to pick up the slack and do so cheerfully.

I know nothing about running, let alone running marathons, so have no idea how reasonable or unreasonable that idea is BUT, I suspect you know how very unreasonable your dh is for thinking he is fine to spend half of every other Saturday at football, and to spend several days away with friends each year, but to suggest it is not okay for you to have some time to yourself to do whatever it is you want to do.

To that question, obviously YANBU at all.

It is definitely possible to train for the marathon, and you'll feel amazing as you work through the training and your confidence grows.

Mr house proud can crack on with tidying cupboards or shut up. Those are his only options. He can clean the fridge and plan next week's meals afterwards.

I would tell DH to fuck right off if he tried to tell me I couldn't do something because of bloody housework. Am raging on your behalf.

I run a lot (albeit very slowly) including occasional marathons. I disagree that it's a difficult to fit into family life if your are prepared to be creative and compromise e.g. early mornings which you have already factored in. I run when the kids have classes that I need to take them too. And occasional lunch time when I wfh. Get a good base fitness and yes it gets a bit intensive the 2 months before to build up your distance but if your goal is to get round and enjoy the challenge you'll do great 😃

“Actually darling you’re right so we’re getting a cleaner and you’re paying half.”

well show him then. start sensible training and you will soon get there

Yep, get a cleaner.

My ex was like this. After many marathons and realising that he was a jealous, easily threatened, man child, we got divorced. He has taken up running, thinks he’s the bees knees and accepts he was a twat. Too late.
Train. Enjoy. Achieve something cool for you.

Please run the marathon (if only to put two fingers up to your DH). What makes him so incapable of sorting the cupboard/washing?

He sounds like a selfish gobshite

What house work does he do ?

He needs a slap.

If you want to do this , go for it , show him 💪💪

Your wfh days aren't for doing housework! Loading the washing, emptying dishwasher when making coffee etc, fine. Actual housework.....no!!!!!

'It would be a lot of time and effort away from him and the kids'

That's it.

Good luck with your training, well done on getting in!

If you actually watch the marathon on tv there are all shapes and sizes who are able to run the distance, I know two people who got in and went from zero running to running the whole distance. Your DH is being very unsupportive.

Thank you again everyone

In terms of household split its very much:
Me
Unload dishwasher in the morning.
Load at night
All washing - loading the machine, hanging out, putting away
99.9% of nursery and school drop offs as he starts at 7am. Breakfast club on the 2 days I am in the office.
House admin (all bills, insurence renewals, school/nursery admin etc)
Food shopping (usually oine delivery once a week then any top up shops)
Sorting birthday presents out & parties
I cook on a sunday

Dh
Will cook 2 or 3 nights a week as finishes work at 230 so nights we don't have after school clubs etc he will cook
Hoovers once a week (i would hoover but moans i don't do it properly so he can keep it)
School/nursery pick up if back in time and I can't go

He works 7-2ish every day in the office where as I do usual office hours ish and have 3 days wfh

He also has weeks on call where he then can't do anything as he may get called out so all school pick ups etc fall to me and I can't go out or do anything incase he is called (go to work obviously)

Why the fuck is it your job to do the cleaning if you both work full time? He certainly is the 'big I am' isn't he? Telling you to cut your hours at work, that your cleaning isn't up to scratch and that you wouldn't be able to do the marathon.

He sounds fucking awful, if I'm honest. You sound great! Tell him to get to fuck and that you will be training on Sundays and he needs to help in the house more.

As suspected he is a lazy useless cunt.

They love wheeling out "the family time" when it's convenient don't they!!!
He wants a maid not a wife. Does he do housework when WFH??

Honestly - go ahead, put yourself first and do this!!!!! Don’t take his BS PA-ness, you deserve a life outside of your home/work/parenting role and this is a perfect way to reintroduce the importance of you time - regardless of what that time is spent doing, don’t back down and listen to his crap - you have one short life and if you give in to his negativity surrounding this you’ll shrink even smaller …. Best of luck and update us when you’re over the finish line - you’ve got this!!!!!

He needs to be doing more, this is the discussion you should be having - not whether you should do the London Marathon. Find your fanny balls and tell him he needs to up his game. And stop accepting that all messy cupboards and washing is your responsibility.

Of course you can do it, I suspect he is jealous tbh, probably can't cope with the thought of all the attention and respect you'll get on that weekend.

I used to get up at 5 and grind out a 20 miler which was by no means pleasurable but entirely doable, and my DH supported that.

Just offer to alternate Saturdays so he does football one week and you do your long run the next week then you still have family time on Sunday if he's that bothered, although we all know that's not actually the issue.

If you can do it without massively impacting your life then go for it.

If it is going to require major changes to your family routine, that's obviously not a decision you can make unilaterally. You'll need to discuss it with your partner and work out a compromise.

All of that assumes you're in an equal relationship with a reasonable partner though, which it doesn't sound like you are.

This could mean a whole new lease of life for you. How amazing to run a marathon.

Do it, and tell your selfish DH to be less me me me

Well it's a big challenge and only you know how accurate his comments are re. discipline, diet, etc. (I don't think the state of a cupboard is really relevant to your potential training) but he didn't have to be quite so negative. It's also unfair to take that attitude when his own amateur sporting endeavours are indulged despite their impact on the family.