To wonder what it’s like to be with a man like this…

[Alltheminicerealsgoneinoneday]

One who looks after you, cooks you dinner or even makes you a drink. One who takes the mental load off you, sorts the bills etc. A man who takes care of you when you’re ill, tells you to go to bed and have a rest when you’re tired/overwhelmed. A man who you can sit and have interesting and intelligent conversations and debates with, a man who teaches you something.
To wonder what it’s like to have a man who spontaneously cuddles you and who you still love properly kissing with, to be with a man who takes the initiative and plans/books something for you both or as a family. A fun man with a positive outlook and a lust for life, a guy who doesn’t smoke or drink excessively or take drugs, a man who plays sports and has a great friendship circle. A man who makes you laugh and is witty and sharp, a kind man who loves dogs
To wonder what it’s like to be with a man who listens to you, cares and offers advice, a man who has always got your back and defends you.

To wonder what it’s like to be with a man like this..it must be like winning the lottery to be this cared for and loved

My DH is mostly like this, I definitely feel cared for and loved at least. Nobodies perfect 100% of the time but really most of this is just non negotiable things you would look for before getting married, nothing you’ve said is strange or unreasonable to expect and If your willing to give the same, the real question is why would you be in a relationship where you didn’t feel loved and cared for?

Ah, this is a sad post, @Alltheminicerealsgoneinoneday

i’m sorry that you feel low.

most of the things you’ve posted are how a partner should behave. Mine does.

however - it’s not just a partner that can make you feel cared for - friends and family can, too. So can work, passions, etc.

do you have them in your life?

I do 🤗

You’re so lucky x

No man is all those things

What you are looking for is a woman 😂

But what about if a man is ‘None’ of those things…

My DH is mainly like this but he is not perfect obviously. Also we had some very hard times. If your partner is not reaching those standards I think you should go it alone. Your time is the most precious thing you have and you shouldn't waste it.

😂😂

It's great but I managed to be married to a complete wanker for 9 years first.

Almost 25 years into my current marriage and it's still amazing.

I'm sorry you're feeling so depressed @Alltheminicerealsgoneinoneday

My own DH does most of the things in your OP. I do feel fortunate. I had a previous husband who beat me up.

There’s hope then 💓

I've only ever been married to lazy tossers so I have no idea. I'm now single for life. I'm done.

So glad you got out of that situation 🌷

This is my husband. We are both lucky to have each other. He makes me 100% secure and he literally love me completely.

I am so lucky to have him in my life.

It's bliss.

To be honest though I do find it hard to live up to. I just can't be that good - fortunately that doesn't seem to bother him. I'll never let him go, though.

Ditch him!

I dated a couple of guys like the ones you described in your first post, but it fizzled out sadly. Wish I had clicked with them more but I don’t regret ending things.

Then you're better off on your own. I think to expect someone to come up to that standard ALL of the time is probably unreasonable, after all none of us are perfect. But if they can't even manage one or two of them, then really, what are they bringing to the relationship?

I used to have an awful awful boyfriend (20/20 hindsight) but he was SOME of those things. He booked things, surprised me with trips, had a great circle of friends that he did sport with etc etc.

But now I have a husband who takes mental load, is a great husband and dad, is kind, caring considerate, affectionate, self-esteem boosting…. makes me drinks (doesn’t cook!) he’s not perfect, but then not am I.

Honestly, it’s what you deserve, we all deserve to be cared for. Obviously it’s a two way street, but I know my husband feels that I am some/most of the things you describe too.

I do feel lucky. Every day I think how lucky I was to let my friend have a go on my dating app and she chose him for me.

you’re better off alone and cultivating friendships than with a shitty man.

Just curious, but why does he have to play sport?

Definitely doesn’t have to, but ties in with wanting to be healthy, look after yourself, have fun, be social etc

No one is perfect! My DH does some of those things but not all of them. He doesn't make me food..I make him food. That's the way I prefer it though . He does take care of the bills and all the life admin....I am endlessly grateful for this as I hate paperwork!

He doesn't particularly like dogs, but neither do I do no great loss there.

The sport thing wouldn't bother me either way...

The way to find out is to live yourself enough to genuinely prefer to be single than accept any less than that in your partner (also most of those are bare minimum surely? Make dinner or a drink? So you mean ever? Or daily?)

With the exception of a sunny out look (as I married a stereotypically dour Scotsman) you could be describing my husband. But you could equally be describing me as a wife so I don't see why 1 adult human should be expected to do more than another.

Not being factious, but this sounds a lot like a minimum bar for not being an arsehole.

A partner who shares the mental load, takes care of you when you're sick and who you enjoy the company of - these aren't massive achievements, just basic decent human behaviour!

I definitely agree... better to be single than with a shit partner. Not just because that's an awful way to live but it will be stopping you from getting on and hopefully meeting someone decent.