To wonder what it’s like to be with a man like this…

[Alltheminicerealsgoneinoneday]

One who looks after you, cooks you dinner or even makes you a drink. One who takes the mental load off you, sorts the bills etc. A man who takes care of you when you’re ill, tells you to go to bed and have a rest when you’re tired/overwhelmed. A man who you can sit and have interesting and intelligent conversations and debates with, a man who teaches you something.
To wonder what it’s like to have a man who spontaneously cuddles you and who you still love properly kissing with, to be with a man who takes the initiative and plans/books something for you both or as a family. A fun man with a positive outlook and a lust for life, a guy who doesn’t smoke or drink excessively or take drugs, a man who plays sports and has a great friendship circle. A man who makes you laugh and is witty and sharp, a kind man who loves dogs
To wonder what it’s like to be with a man who listens to you, cares and offers advice, a man who has always got your back and defends you.

To wonder what it’s like to be with a man like this..it must be like winning the lottery to be this cared for and loved

Sport loving is a massive negative for me. I hate it. Especially the whole culture around football. I just dont get it.

The DH also should be a generous lover who always (or when you can be bothered) makes you orgasm. IMO much more important than taking a dog for a walk !

Exactly this! Especially the 'when you can be bothered'. Mine is always up for it when I want it and good at it, but never makes me feel obliged otherwise. Definitely take that over dogwalking.

I suppose it's not a question of the perfect man, it's finding a man who compliments your particular wants and needs. For example, I intensely dislike sport, so a man who loves sport is not for me. My middle DD LOVES cricket and would attend matches all day, so it's fortunate that her fiance works for a cricket club. I like plenty of alone time and I love to cook, so I don't mind a man who does his own thing and doesn't want to cook.

So for me it's more the 'fitting together' than a man needing to have all the attributes listed. But I'm an awkward bugger which is probably why I am single and loving it!

I was reading the OP waiting for the bit about sex and was shocked that it never came, and then I had to read to page SIX before anyone mentioned it?

DP doesn't tick all those boxes but he ticks all the ones that matter to me. (I tick far fewer of those boxes tbh.) It's really nice. Being single was nice too, and much more preferable than being in a relationship with someone who ticked too few of those boxes.

Problem is if he played sport he probably wouldn't be available for the other stuff when you needed him. Mine's pretty good, he keeps fit with a morning or evening walk.

It’s great. I got sooo lucky. Dhs long term university girlfriend dumped him for another guy realised her mistake and came running back. Too late - I’d snagged him by then. She must have been gutted !

TBF DHs cooking skills are minimal (he'd happily eat his food I just don't) so he is in charge of breakfast, I also run our finances at that's my preference, he does all of the other stuff though and the bulk of the day to day housework.
I don't understand why you would stay with someone who isn't affectionate to you, you can't have a conversation with and does nothing to pull his weight in the partnership. Being in a relationship with an adult where you get on, have shared interests and care for each other isn't winning the lottery, it's what you should expect.

Apart from the sports, I have that man

I've never felt so loved in all my life

My DH is all your first paragraph and generally a good guy. He does have some big faults though, so no-one is perfect. A perfect person doesn't exist.

Same here. He's even tidier than me.

You had my DP all the way to the dogs bit. I think he’s just ambivalent about them. I’m still not going to LTB though!

Life really is too short to stay with such a disappointing man as yours op.

You shouldn’t have to wonder, you deserve a man like this. You’ve just described my husband to a t which is even more important as he’s looking after me though stage 4 cancer. I’m sorry you feel like this. You deserve better. 💕

@Alltheminicerealsgoneinoneday what is your situation, maybe posters on here can help with you planning an escape route. Your partner doesn't sound good for you but also not for your DC, they will grow up thinking this is normal and so the cycle continues.

DH fits many things on your criteria, but not all, but neither do I. But if he didn't fit any of them I couldn't live with him.

That must be so scary for you.

It's lovely, and there will be one out there for you. Go find him 😊

But no one is any of those things all the time no one.

I have been with my husband 3o years, still have sex, still laugh every day, we love going out together and have so many plans, but he is also the most annoying person in the world at at times!

What makes you think you’re trapped?

My DP is all of those things except he doesn’t do any sports apart from a run a couple of times a week and doesn’t really have friends. As I also don’t like organised sports and am not at all sociable, that works for me.

However, this doesn’t mean he’s perfect. Nobody is.

OP, I know exactly what you mean. I also often think what it would have been like to have had a present, lovely dad. People with great parents and partners have no idea of the leg-up they have in life!

That's not true.

My DH is all these things, except loving dogs. We're both cat people. He doesn't dislike dogs though and would never be unkind to one.

I also know other men (my two best friends DH's, my Dad, male friends) who I believe all these things would apply to.

The bar is set depressingly low for men in heterosexual relationships unfortunately. What OP is describing isn't some exceptionally high standard.

I'm really happy with my DH and he's pretty much all of these things. I was single for all of my 20s whereas my friends went from man to man (or woman to woman in the case of my lesbian pals!). I watched them all settle for the worst of men for such a long time. It put me off and I set my bar high, luckily it has paid off. Met my DH when we were both 31, weird thing is I didn't immediately fancy him like I had with other guys, guys who had given me the dickish vibe, but were immediately sexy etc. DH did not give me that immediate feeling but as I got to know him I realised it was deeper than that. He is gentle, quiet, unassuming but also great at organising nights out, can be really chatty when he needs to be. He cooks, cleans, equally shares our childcare. I have debates with him, we talk about issues, sort things out, make sure we are both on the same page.

I get so sad reading the collosal amount of threads on here about such shit, shit men. I do realise now that there's more shit men than not. Which makes me sad. But I'm determined my boys will grow up to be like their dad. To value and respect women, to treat them equally. We are all human beings. So many men see women as sub-human, subservient to them and their needs. It's infuriating!

Hope you find your love match op and are treated well x

Men like this do exist, I am married to one. I am currently at a 4 day festival, he has the kids for the weekend, sorted a birthday present for a party for the youngest yesterday with no input from me.The two I'm away with had to leave their DHs a huge list of what to do etc, I never have to do that.

He doesn't play any sports nor have a wide friendship group, but it works for him.

I hope you find someone similar, good ones are out there.

My husband is most of these things, but I did have to kiss a few frogs before I found him (no offence to frogs). I was with an abuser before I met him and the difference is stark. I feel so lucky that I'm now allowed to spend money when I want, speak my mind, and feel secure and settled. But it's not all roses. He's so laid back he has no idea about how to deal with my anxiety, he doesn't initiate holidays so I have to, although he does go along with whatever I want. I've had to tell him what I need when I'm feeling upset or unwell as although he's kind, he never thinks to make me a cup of tea (maybe because he's foreign!!). I spend half my time feeling incredibly blessed and the other half worrying that he'll die and leave me. Oh and I hate sport but have watched so much tennis - i usually just take my knitting so we're both happy 😅 . Another downside is his pet allergy, so I can't have dogs and cats which is something I've had to come to terms with too.

You deserve a decent man, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I'm sure it will happen for you. I had resigned myself to a life of shite men and being a mad dog lady, and I found my husband by accident.

This describes my DH. He would do absolutely anything for me.

Then Dump 😎