To wonder what it’s like to be with a man like this…

[Alltheminicerealsgoneinoneday]

One who looks after you, cooks you dinner or even makes you a drink. One who takes the mental load off you, sorts the bills etc. A man who takes care of you when you’re ill, tells you to go to bed and have a rest when you’re tired/overwhelmed. A man who you can sit and have interesting and intelligent conversations and debates with, a man who teaches you something.
To wonder what it’s like to have a man who spontaneously cuddles you and who you still love properly kissing with, to be with a man who takes the initiative and plans/books something for you both or as a family. A fun man with a positive outlook and a lust for life, a guy who doesn’t smoke or drink excessively or take drugs, a man who plays sports and has a great friendship circle. A man who makes you laugh and is witty and sharp, a kind man who loves dogs
To wonder what it’s like to be with a man who listens to you, cares and offers advice, a man who has always got your back and defends you.

To wonder what it’s like to be with a man like this..it must be like winning the lottery to be this cared for and loved

Probably why op is still there too. Doesn't make it a good idea and doesn't make you 'a good man' also everything on OPs list is basic bare minimum of being a partner. It SHOULD be what everyone aspires to (possibly aside from specifics like job and sports as people are individuals but even then having ambition and interests, bare minimum!) so your 'woe is me I ADPIRED TO BE(not even was just aspired to be) all of those things and my wife wasn't a nice person' can you see how that is red pill incek energy?

You had a relationship with someone that ended badly, it happens to many of us, men and women, it's not about gender. That list of kind, caring, sharing chores, being a fun person to be around etc etc is a list of things someone should expect from a partner, but if I was all of those things, all of the time, I wouldn't automatically expect that would give me a good relationship. If what I was having wasn't a good relationship with mutual respect, communication and working together then I'd leave. I wouldn't go 'wah I'm ASPIRING TO BE a good person this should entitle me to everything going well' can you see that at all?

Dh does all those things. I feel secure and safe and loved. However he has his bad points too. He at present is looking at where we can go today as a family which is usually a national trust place but it's hot and ill rather chill at home than sit in a hot car travelling. I have wished for a lazier man occasionally.

Mine too! I thank God for him every day! I’m very blessed ❤️

Well look, I'm happy in the knowledge that I was many of those things - not gonna waste my time trying to convince you. I was just with someone who, ultimately, didn't appreciate what I brought to the relationship. I am the very opposite of incel.
Have a good day 👋

Op is in a relationship where it sounds like her partner doesn't appreciate what she brings to the relationship. What's the difference?

Prob'ly isn't a difference - she should leave him, and not take as long about it as I did 😀

Which is all I'm saying, you're looking at it as 'im so lovely I deserve nice things' while op has literally written 'ehy am I being treated so badly' albeit not in so many words.

In both cases you stayed in bad relationships

That’s what I thought 🤪

Well, I did have another angle, but don't wanna take away from the OP's situation, so I'll leave it - gotta go about my day, anyway. Thanks for your thoughts. 👍

My dh does most of those things! He also leaves veg peelings in the sink and smelly socks in the laundry! No one is perfect!

This is my husband you're talking about. It's normal.

DH and I have been through a rough patch recently, but your post has made me realise he has most of those qualities, so thank you. And I write this drinking the coffee he just bought me in bed.

You are describing Dh except for the 'plays sport, has lots of friends' line. He plays no sport and has almost no friends as he is a real home-body family man.

But he still does things that drive me nuts. Just yesterday I was contemplating leaving him. When you have all this, it becomes normal pretty quickly. As it should, given I do all this for DH too and no one thinks I'm a saint. Just a typical woman.

Mine only does about 25% of the things in you OP. So I feel you

I don't think I'm all these things but I hope I try. I get the feeling you're seeing very little of this. Does your partner acknowledge any difficulties?

Why would you be with someone who wasn't all those things?

My sister had all of this and more. She was married to such a wonderful man. For 15 years she was loved and cherished like nothing else.

A brain tumour took here 8 years ago. The way her DH cared for her n that awaful final was a true privilege to see.

He's dating again now and struggling because he's short - 5 feet 5.

I have one of those, tho we don’t like dogs so that doesn’t apply, he’s fit but doesn’t do sport. Doing sport would mean he went out a lot and then who would cook my dinner ?!?

also your list doesn’t mention sex. The DH also should be a generous lover who always (or when you can be bothered) makes you orgasm. IMO much more important than taking a dog for a walk !

You and me both op

I seem.to end up in weird situations. The men in like are never the ones that like me. I stupidly allow myself to get used alot then but far to much time amd energy into making sure they think im as ok with it as they are. Or I end up somehow trying to make them feel better aviut themselves and boosting their egos so they can go for the woman they really like. That's not me. At this point id settle for someone who is happy to be seen in public with me. Bored of being the back door girl/dirty little secret. Im good enough to ask for help/favours and bang occasionally. Dont seem to be good enough for anything else.

Guess all these nice men are taken.

Dh is most of that, doesn’t have a huge circle of friends and has a recent health condition that stops intense physical activity but that’s part of life. he’s dealt with my adhd all this time so I certainly can support him now.

He does more than his share of home and family stuff, even with a pretty serious heart condition he’s present for me, dc and the pets and honestly I know I’m very lucky to have a healthy, stable relationship - 13 years in and we’ve dealt with a lot but still strong. Even when he was first unwell he was at every event, party, day out and story time for the dc (sometimes via video call from a hospital bed but refused to miss things that were important to them). Yesterday he saw I was upset after failing an exam, made me a drink, gave me a cuddle and pep talk, read my feedback and helped plan the re-take.

My parents also had a good marriage so I saw it modelled and don’t think I would accept a shitty partner. In fact one of the reasons I left my ex was he was emotionally distant and didn’t want to engage with my family or friends. I hope we’ll pass this on to our dc and they will go on to have healthy relationships too.

We all need to stop accepting the shitty men and hold them accountable, good ones are out there.

Dont seem to be good enough for anything else.

With kindness, you are but until you truly believe you are it won't change.

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

Don't be that girlfriend anymore.

This completely describes my husband. I appreciate him hugely and he me, we are very happy together.

All I can say is these men do exist….

My previous partner was a POS
Who was the opposite of the above. I wish I’d left him way before I did - if your partner isn’t treating you well OP… don’t tolerate it. You’re worth much much more. ❤️

I’m sorry op. You sound so sad. Apart from playing sports my DH is all of those things. Good men do exist. Hopefully you will find someone lovely too.

Sorry to hear about your sister but her husband was clearly very devoted to her.

As for your last sentence, this is part of the issue. Some.women prioritise the things that don't matter and ignore the things that do.

A man's height says nothing about him other than how tall he Is. I've said it before that I've seen on here women posting about men they're seeing with effectively a list of pros and cons. The cons will be things like he calls me names, he swears at me, he goes awol for days, he cheats and he flirts with other women in front of me while ignoring me. His pros will invariably be but he is tall, good looking, has a high paying job and takes me out to nice restaurants for dinner.

While those women continue to prioritise superficial appearances and ignore the character of a man, those women will continue to choose the pretty box with nothing inside it.

This post has just made me very grateful for my DH as he is almost all of these things (if sport includes watching it!!). I'm sorry you haven't experienced it OP.