Told my stepdaughter to "put them in the f*king basket"! 😔

[Humal93]

Not my proudest moment to say the least.

Bit of a background:

Been with step daughter since she was 7 and she is now 12 and I and my husband are constantly finding soiled underwear beneath other dirty clothes spewed in all parts of her room. I thought perhaps she was somewhat embarrassed about me washing her underwear so would hide them in her room, but hubby says she has always been like this from the very beginning. So I thought maybe it's just an age thing, but it's not right as much of her other clothing is just left on the floor and never placed in the laundry basket to be washed unless reminded to then I am left with a large batch of clothing to wash... Blessed are we with washing machines.

Anyway, whilst lying in our bed, I asked her if she wore any underwear to school as I hadn't seen any the last couple weeks and she immediately got off the bed and went into her room. Just a simple question. Every time I ask her about her room or clothes she storms off in a mood and I am ignored. So this time I spoke through the door and asked her "Can you please put them in the basket so I can wash them?" Still being ignored, I then said "In case you didn't hear me, just put them in the f*king basket, please!" I feel awful and she feels awful too I am sure, but I am at my wits end and don't know what to do.

Well, did she??

Yanbu.
Since I happily want to murder my teens of similar age at least twice a day

Not left her room yet, so no. This all happened maybe 20 minutes ago. I think she probably hates me if she secretary didn't before.

That was a line from Silence of the Lambs..sorry. not funny. It will all blow over.

Well your doing better than me. I would have stormed in room. Grabbed handfuls washing while teen screeched and storm back out
So don't feel too bad

Let her wash her own clothes.

It may be that she feels embarrassed about the normal vaginal secretions that increase at this age. Something is upsetting her. Could you offer her some little panti-liners maybe?

But she sure doesn't need you swearing at her - as you know.

Is her mum in the picture at all? Who is the adult female she can trust to discuss with her what to her will be delicate matters?

She's 12. She can wash her own.

Is there a reason you are tackling this and not her dad? Living with a non-related adult is weird - she might respond better to her dad taking the lead on this issue.

Soiled? As in shitty?
I'd be more worried a 12 yo cant wipe her arse properly!!

But that would annoy me too, she cant keep leaving dirty pants everywhere, how grim!

Why are you so scared of her? Barring the swearing part, do you think she’s not told off in other areas of life? School, extracurricular activities etc.

Maybe it’s time to teach her to use the washing machine herself. Failing that, enforce the rule of washing being put in the basket every night or there will be consequences. This is obviously something that irks you so address it head on. And fgs stop being scared.

🤣

I don’t think you should have sworn towards a 12 year old. But your frustration I totally understand. Though in MN world as a SM you shouldn’t be doing any of her washing or parenting at all! 😀

I used to take the dirty laundry out myself and tidy up her room, but it literally would be a bomb site the next day. We've made the rule of no food or drinks upstairs about 3 times now, but we slowly drift back into it, trusting her not to make a mess. Once she managed to fill up an empty suitcase in her room from holiday with a stack of empty plates and cups which had gotten moldy once I found them during a deep clean. There used to be sweet and crisp wrappers on the floor and behind her bed and glasses everywhere. And her toys and things just scattered about.

It’s nothing she won’t have heard before. It’s pretty disgusting of her- she’s 12! Does she have sleepovers? What happens then?
Tell her to put them in the machine, if she won’t answer you I think she’s being lazy.

But now I tell her if it's not in the basket, it's not getting washed so I won't be coming in there to wash anything myself.

😆 🤣

Is there a reason she's hiding her underwear? I'd look into that before I started any punishments for not putting them in the laundry.

Um, why do you want people to talk about a 12 year old girl and her soiled underwear?

Sleepover happen in the sitting room. But I have told her, what would friend think if she chooses to let them into her room. Right now we've ripped the carpet out and repainted the room and in the middle of a makeover. Tbh hubby has chosen to postpone this for over a month now! I tell him this is torture, but he wants to teach her a lesson, but this is too much.

Can you go and apologize?
"I feel a bit exasperated at the laundry situation but I didn't handle it right. Im sorry I swore (looks like you are, from your post!). Now you are 12 I'm wondering if you have any ideas how we can work together to make sure you always have all the clean clothes you need? " (Does her underwear still fit? Prefer a mesh laundry bag for pants and then she can hang them to dry in her own room? Would she like to do her own laundry and pick a detergent she likes the smell of etc.)

12 is such a tricky age (dd2 is 11.5 and I can feel it creeping in!) For laundry she had the choice to use her basket or to wash her own.

Is this the first time you’ve ever shouted/sworn at her? That’s amazing. Of course swearing didn’t help, particularly as she seems to have always had an issue with personal wear, but it’s not that bad.

Does she have her own laundry basket in her room? Or, even better, show her how to work the machine.

Missed a lot while I was typing my reply! Is she generally quite disorganised? Or do you think this is a rebellion of sorts?

This is disgusting! No way would have that!

She sounds like a hoarder. I have never heard of situation with the suitcase.