To not send DD10 into sport day tomo..

[SchmortzDay]

For context, DD is very active - she plays for the local girls football club and is part of a swim team and gymnastics club. But she hates sports day with a passion and always seems to be assigned a ‘novelty’ race, which causes her anxiety and embarrassment. She’s asked to be in a normal activity and has been fobbed off 2 years in a row.

She doesn’t have time off ever, hardly ever unwell and I’ve never done something like this before, but given it’s also going to be 30°c here tomo afternoon, I’m inclined to make an exception and let her have a day off at home (‘sick’). She’s a good kid and hasn’t asked for the day off, but I know it would be very well received.

What’s the verdict MN’ers!?

I’d say get to the root of it. If participating in a novelty race is so traumatising to her that it causes her anxiety and embarrassment then that’s a conversation that has to be had with the teacher in charge. Doesn’t she want to go to support her friends, even if she doesn’t participate? Does the school make it a nice social occasion as well as the sport component, so would she miss out on this?

I’m not a fan of kids missing things which are part of normal school life because that’s not how it works in the world of work or elsewhere. I just think it’s a poor way to fix a more deep rooted issue. Temperature is not an issue, the school will be fully aware and make the necessary arrangements. Plus she hasn’t asked.

I'm not when sports day became such a big ordeal, there's been loads of posts about it and I don't get it.

It was just something we did when I was at school. I was never any good at it but I never asked my parents to keep me off school. It's a few minutes out of their day and then it's over.

I agree with the first post. Find out the underlying reason. However I'd still send her in. For me it's important to teach resilience and that sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.

Keep her off poor kid. As for the school making the necessary arrangements not according to the threads about kids having to wear blazers, jumpers etc.
I too would hate to do novelty races I felt like an idiot nothing deeper than that.

DD has missed pretty much every sports day and school social since she was 11, she's nearly 15 now.

Her attendance is otherwise genuinely perfect and she doesn't have any friendship issues and she does do a lot of sport.

She just hates organised activities at school where you have to hang around and pretend to have fun and since I do too she has a lot of dentist appointments at certain times of the year.

Well she's not sick is she? You can do as you please of course, but she hasn't even asked if she can have the day off. It seems that she realises school isn't optional. If she is so embarrassed and her requests not to do a novelty race haven't been listened to, I'd be addressing it with the school.

What exactly is a novelty race?

I haven't sent mine in for sports day but she is dyspraxic and comes last in everything. She's a keen dancer (has to work very hard at it!) and plays out everyday, I'm not overly concerned about her activity levels. But I am concerned about her knowing she is crap at something and being made to do it in front of people.

She's an amazing speller but the people who can't spell aren't made to do spelling tests in front of the whole school.

I don't believe children should be made to perform if they are not comfortable. I'd love for her to go and cheer on the kids who are good at sport but unfortunately that's not an option unless she also races.

That includes if they are embarrassed. I do think a word with the teacher about the particular race that's bothering her is a good idea. I have no qualms keeping my kids off for anything that might affect their mental health and self esteem.

And before anyone jumps on me they have plenty of opportunities to struggle and fail and get back up again, this is just not the one I want to push her into.

She hasn’t even ASKED for the day off. This is ridiculous.

You can do something you don’t love, and it’s fine.

Stop making school an “option”. You just go. End of story.

I vote give her the day off. Do something she'll really love. Missing one day of stupid ass races won't hurt.

Don't see the point of forcing kids to do ridiculous nonsense just for the point of it. Just as I don't see the point of forcing adults to do ridiculous nonsense that serves little to no purpose. She's gotta learn about the real world? Okay, well in the real world, as an adult, you get to say no to doing stupid shit that doesn't really matter.

Hope she has a lovely day tomorrow.

Personally I don’t ‘get’ all this sports day/insert other type of day angst

I think legitimising missing school for events she doesn’t like/want to do is not a great example

It’s going to be blinking hot everywhere tomorrow, I’m sure the school will be planning accordingly/putting measures in place

Your DD hasn’t even asked to have the day off.
Perhaps get explore the issue of what’s upsetting her/take it up with the school about her requests not being actioned/honoured

We went with sympathy but still expecting her to go. I can do hard things etc - not at any price, not for every child every time, but from what you've shared here I'm thinking she will be better served by getting through it than by having you jump in and save her.

Sports day was the one day my mum used to let me take off school. I was shit at sports and it was always boiling. I have lovely memories of us sitting in the garden rebelling with our feet in the paddling pool sipping lemonade

What is the event that she has been selected for? From DS's sports day I'm thinking egg and spoon, sack race, that type of thing. If so, I dont see the big deal and would encourage her to get involved. Slippery slope to start avoiding stuff that they are a bit anxious about. Also the weather is perfect for sports day!

More context:

• She’s currently being assessed for ADHD (anxiety being one of the symptoms).
• She’s been experiencing bullying from 1 particular girl for a couple of years. It’s been dealt with well by the school and she’s had no time off for that, despite asking. So I do feel she’s had a LOT of resilience building - more than most.
• Shes asked teachers to switch races for 2y on the trot.
• Novelty race = think wheelbarrow walk / egg and spoon.

Ultimately, it’s not a single issue.

Still on the fence here though - appreciate all the opinions - even the judgey viper snipes😅

Sports day isn't just about sports. It's about team building and supporting others and working together as a team to get points.

If she chooses to let her team down, then that's not OK.

Life in general means doing lots of things you don't want to do or don't like doing, but you have to do them. It's not good to teach kids to just opt out if they don't like doing something.

normally a fan of tough love - but she's done it for a number of years, it's her last year at this school and it's not the weather was running around if you dont need to. I'd give her the option of missing this one.

I think your DD should go to school tomorrow. Whether or not participating in the sports day or being excused as having the kind of invisible injury that Ryan Giggs used to have to avoid Wales men's football team friendly matches (that is not a euphemism).

Do all children take part in 'novelty' races? At my kids school it's a team event and the children all do what would be considered novelty challenges but they all do each one on a carousel basis e.g. they do an obstacle course, passing a bucket of water along, bean bag throw and things like that.
The only competitive individual element is if children themselves choose to take part in a running race but they just join in on the day.

I would find out if everyone is doing something like a wheelbarrow race. Have you actually told the teacher about her not wanting to do this?
Also as you say she plays for a sports team and is active is this the school trying to make things fair to other children and letting them have a go at coming out top in something they might not normally?

Spot on

school life generally is not a menu -
you don’t get to pick what you do / don’t comply with - it helps them navigate the big real world out there -

I would respond differently if she is being bullied and that is the underlying issue

if it is that novelty races are beneath her - suck it up - not every one can be a main character!

Those were what the events were when I was at primary? Formal sports was a secondary.

What will you do when she’s at secondary and doesn’t like PHSE? Or maths?

College and doesn’t like her Tutor?

Work and her boss tells her off?

I think she needs to accept that we don’t like everything we have to do in life tbh.

I would keep her off and I was a Teacher for a very long time. How humiliating to be assigned to a novelty race when she takes sport seriously. Schools don’t seems to realise the novelty stuff is not fun for everyone. She’s not missing out on anything is she.

Thanks this is an interesting take, especially as you were a teacher.

This is part of the issue - she was hoping to be given a ‘proper’ race this time (after last time)..

The humiliation of sports day is uniquely cruel and awful. I can’t understand why they make kids do it. Just let the competitive sporty ones shine. Leave everyone else out of it.

I’d let her stay at home. I wouldn’t even lie about her being ill. YANBU.

I think all kids should skive on sports days then perhaps schools would desist with the waste of time that is a sports day and do what they are paid to do, teach our kids.