To not send DD10 into sport day tomo..

[SchmortzDay]

For context, DD is very active - she plays for the local girls football club and is part of a swim team and gymnastics club. But she hates sports day with a passion and always seems to be assigned a ‘novelty’ race, which causes her anxiety and embarrassment. She’s asked to be in a normal activity and has been fobbed off 2 years in a row.

She doesn’t have time off ever, hardly ever unwell and I’ve never done something like this before, but given it’s also going to be 30°c here tomo afternoon, I’m inclined to make an exception and let her have a day off at home (‘sick’). She’s a good kid and hasn’t asked for the day off, but I know it would be very well received.

What’s the verdict MN’ers!?

that if you don't want to do something stupid and irrelevant you don't have to do it? you bet!

Exactly this. My son had 3 friends not go to school as they didn't want to do sports day !! It ls not teaching any resilience and its not real life. How are these kids going to manage in the working world

back in real life, most of the kids I see are quite excited about sports day.
It's parents who are obviously loving the drama.

Most of these kids seem to care not one bit about the races, but the idea of being out of the classroom and hand around with their friends seem to be a winner.

The older ones also get to volunteer around the events for the little ones.

Sad that for so many posters, it can't matter because it's physical activity, the horror. Some kids feel stressed and "humiliated" in English or maths, but who cares. Sports day? Of course don't send them.

Again, Kids I see and here enjoy it as a "leisure" day.

I'm a teacher and I say let her have a day off.

There are always some people who say that children who hate English or maths aren't allowed to opt out but that's not a fair comparison.

Children who struggle with maths aren't asked to stand in front of the class and solve a load of calculations. Children who struggle with literacy aren't asked to read aloud in front of the class. If that does still happen, it's very outdated.

Parents who think about letting their children miss sports day are letting them have one day at home to miss something that they dread and which isn't part of the National Curriculum.

Keeping children at home for every PE lesson would be unreasonable and wouldn't help children to develop resilience but nobody has ever suggested that.

I'm taken aback by the op's dd being forced to take part in a novelty race that she hates.

I know that every school does things differently, but at my primary school, each child chooses which individual race they want to do (choice of 4 for my year group) and then some children also get to take part in a relay race.

they will become the posters you read on here. Completely unable to manage in real life. It's sad.

I'm a teacher and I say let her have a day off.

And I am a teacher and I say just send her.

See how that works?

Let her stay home if she wants to!

she's had enough 'resilience' building already & participating in 'novelty' crap, is just humiliating for no great reason.

she was sick after dinner tonight wasn't she? Can't possibly risk her passing the bug onto others can we ?!?!

I'm not a teacher & I say 'let her stay home'

see how that works 😂😂

I wouldn’t lie and say she’s sick. I’m very anti this and also superstitious about it. But if you don’t want her to go and think the school aren’t taking her requests into account, I’d consider keeping her off and being honest with the school about why - ie she’s suffering from anxiety and you could have helped solve this and you didn’t.

No they will become the posters that feel understood & supported by their parents & do welll in life because they learn to value themselves.

I disagree. As an adult, nobody should have to do something that they think is silly and which makes them worry that they will make a fool of themselves.

One of the best things about my adult autism diagnosis is that it gave me the confidence to say no to things which make me feel uncomfortable.

It was always a big deal for some children. A miserable day of public humiliation that in some cases led to a lifetime of dislike and avoidance of physical activities. I think the difference is that people know this now. In good schools the awareness has resulted in changes that make it better. In others it hasn't and parents are taking matters into their own hands to help their children avoid it.

Absolutely let her have a day off.
childrens mental health matters too!

Been there, done that, literally (ie kept a kid off sports day for anxiety reasons). Why would you put her though it? I’d ask why the school would put her through it, but clearly they don’t understand at all. Forcing a kid to do something they genuinely have anxiety about and have had bad experiences of before does absolutely nothing to improve their anxiety, and runs the risk of causing genuine trauma. I speak from very bitter experience. I’d keep her home and tell the school explicitly why.

Let her have it off.

I agree our job as parents is to help them build resilience, prepare them for the world etc etc. However I think occasionally ‘saving’ them doesn’t prevent you doing that. They’re kids, isn’t it nice that as parents we can choose to ‘save’ them every now and then from something that causes unnecessary anxiety? The ability to do that won’t last long.

We don’t need to be puritanical about teaching them life lessons, relaxing the rules on occasion doesn’t hurt.

I'd keep her off.

She's got generally good attendance, she's active and does plenty of sports generally, she has been resilient going in to school during bullying etc.

I'd not frame it "I know you don't enjoy it so we're having the day off" I'd frame it as "I was thinking we do something just the two of us tomorrow instead".

I managed just fine thank you.

If it was my son I’d 100% give him the day off 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think it’s also important to teach children that their feelings matter and they shouldn’t be forced into an event that they don’t want to do. If she’s otherwise got good attendance, engages well at school etc then her missing sports day - when it causes her so much anxiety - is not going to affect her negatively in the long run.

very clearly not 😂

If you are that distraught about the risk of losing a "spoon and egg" race, it's not great.

Learning not to make a mountain over a non-event is useful, and healthy.

So it they don't want to sit a GCSE exam, or just Monday's Maths thest, it's ok too?

Fair enough then, as long as you are consistent.

I hated sports day, I don't have much coordination, always picked last and always came last. Sports in general I disliked, mainly because I disliked 'team sports', much preferred individual ones. I occasionally had sports day off school, if my Mum allowed it. I can safely say I have turned out to be a well rounded adult, who understands we all have to do things we don't like/enjoy in life and doesn't pull a 'sickie' at work either!! If her attendance is excellent, then 1 day won't make much difference. Secondary school is different these days, my son's sports day runs over 2 whole days, so no, he goes into school even though I know sports day isn't something he enjoys.

Just ring up and say she won’t be in today. Don’t lie or anything. What are they going to do?

Sports days are a ridiculous throw back. Sounds like she’s sporty and active she just doesn’t want to do athletics in public.

Shes nearly at secondary ours had a sensible sports day policy the girls volunteered to race etc so the ones who were really good took part against each other and everyone else cheered them on and did face painting.

Yes sports day is just the same as maths gcse 🙄

I actually think it’s quite shit and unresponsive parenting to make them go to teach them a lesson / make them “resilient” (hate that stupid word). You must really dislike your own kid to force them to do a pointless sports day that’s making them miserable. It’s supposed to be fun!!!!.