To not send DD10 into sport day tomo..

[SchmortzDay]

For context, DD is very active - she plays for the local girls football club and is part of a swim team and gymnastics club. But she hates sports day with a passion and always seems to be assigned a ‘novelty’ race, which causes her anxiety and embarrassment. She’s asked to be in a normal activity and has been fobbed off 2 years in a row.

She doesn’t have time off ever, hardly ever unwell and I’ve never done something like this before, but given it’s also going to be 30°c here tomo afternoon, I’m inclined to make an exception and let her have a day off at home (‘sick’). She’s a good kid and hasn’t asked for the day off, but I know it would be very well received.

What’s the verdict MN’ers!?

I’m also a teacher and completely agree. Schools need to be a bit more forward thinking in really hot weather. It’s not ok to keep kids out in the sun for hours, esp after they’ve just had their lunchtime in the sun. Every year I make this point and am told it won’t hurt them - well it will. I’d be pretty cross if I was a parent to find out my child had been sitting in the sun for hours

Back in the day bullying was excused because the victim was 'different ' and needed to learn to 'fit in'. Whenever I hear of a child being expected to 'build resilience' by accepting humiliation I can't see the difference.

Resilience includes getting comfortable with setting your own boundaries, and when you want to you extend that boundary, you do. Not being expected to obey arbitrary external demands.

Typical, ability to understand the child ZERO

Exactly, but some teachers still think humiliation is the way to go.

Exactly.

shes asked to be in 'proper' events, they haven't listened, they've put her in 'novelty' events.

she's built resilience due to the bullying, she doesn't need to do a stupid novelty race.

she hasn't even asked her mum to let her stay home, she's bloody resilient enough!

her Mum wants to do a kind thing for her & I fully support her!

I make a conscious decision to make sure my kid isn't out in the sun for hours on the middle of the day, even on holiday - we arrange our days to avoid it. It doesn't make any sense in these days of being more conscious about things like sun damage that schools still insist on making kids hang around in beating sun, almost always in areas with no shade, right in the middle of the day.

Gosh it's almost like you think all schools run sports day the same way!
🙄🙄🙄

Exactly!!!

I think from reading all the posts you’ve made OP you just need to listen to her and keep her off. I don’t save my kids from everything but I do listen to them.

I remember sports day as a kid. The popular sporty kids won everything. It was the only day my mum actually allowed me to miss school. Ive done the same for my DD. It is a popularity contest nothing more. Also school never provided enough shade so some kids actually got sunburnt one year!

100% this. Resilience is for systems whereas compassion is for people. This idea you can build resilience doing stuff that makes you miserable is bullshit.

A lot of parents would be unhappy if all children had to compete so publicly in academic competitions. I doubt there'd be quite so many flippant replies about "snowflakes" and "resilience".

You're doing the right thing by giving her the option to stay off. Sports day serves no real purpose.

I find myself sooo at odds with the “send them in or they will be lazy workshy weeds as adults who refuse to do anything they don’t want to do.

This is supposed to be a fun event!!! There is zero value in individuals attendance. If you might enjoy it or are indifferent go but if the public performance makes your child unhappy I see zero upside in enforcing attendance. Actually it’s a good thing if enough families voted with their feet they might change the format.

I loved sports day myself absolutely cleaned up! Dd1 a summer birthday and fiercely competitive and quite self concious. She came last in most events and hated the sympathy claps and patronising cheers from the watching parents. You wouldn’t force a shit singer to sing in front of everyone. So we read our books in the garden for a few years. She found hockey aged 9 and has played at a local club ever since.

Wow, smug much.. Let’s hope your chilled kids don’t ever experience any ‘ridiculous’ anxiety.

What a clown!

I'd say yabu, sports day is part of the school year and I don't think you should pick and choose.

Sports Day is awful for some kids with zero benefit. Schools would NEVER make a child with a stammer read aloud infront of the class never mind infront of the whole school and their parents.

Its fine not to force them to do irrelevant stupid things they don't want to do.

Do you truly believe attending sports day would solve all of this?

Look at it another way, if you were expected to attend a public spelling and grammar competition where you would complete a task while teachers, peers and their parents observed you, how would you feel? Anxious, I'm sure. That is how a lot of children feel when faced with the idea of attending sports day.

Are we raising a "generation of snowflakes", or a generation of children who feel empowered to opt out of non-compulsory activities which would only lead to them feeling inadequate?

My son is disabled and will absolutely not be doing Sports Day this year. He is adamant and I respect his wishes.

Exactly this.

I have a DD with Autism and Dyspraxia. We talk a lot about how there are some things you can opt out of and some things you can't, and the reasons why. Its not a difficult concept.

For example, don't want to go to the end of term disco because its too loud? "That's ok, you don't have to go. Maybe we can organise a small picnic in the park for your group of friends the day before or after?"

Don't want to go to the wedding of a very close relative? "Sorry, you have to go. A wedding is a special family event, and X and Y would feel hurt and upset if we weren't there for them. Let's talk about all the things we can do to make the day feel less overwhelming for you".

I'm sure OP's DD is able to grasp that OP is ok with her missing sports day, but not ok with her missing learning.

It's your child - do what you want. Personally - i wouldn't but my kids school are really great about sports day and the kids have fun. Back in my school (not in this country) - we had no choice and we all got on with it, like it or not. I think my mum and dad would have been a bit wtf if i said i didnt want to go. - BUT - its your kid, do what you like.

Most 10 year olds would get that never but sadly not some of the adults on this thread 🙄

For those PP’s who shared thoughtful feedback and nuanced thinking, I thank you, it has really helped me articulate how I was feeling. I knew she was finding the whole thing really daunting and so we had a big chat about it all last night and she had a big cry - the main issues for her are the noise levels (we think she has sensory issues, as previously mentioned), the heat and the novelty race itself. She hates being centre of attention and during practice for this one she has come last each time and is worried about being booed / singled out by the more ‘boisterous’ kids (bullies). However she also felt she didn’t want to let her ‘House’ team down and would it be okay if we talked again this morning… Well she came into me dressed in her house colours / shorts this morning and decided she wants to give it a go and I told her how proud of her I was and that we’ll have a big ice cream after and do something nice tomorrow.

For those PP’s frothing at the mouth about her future being in tatters due to missing sports day, fear not, snowflake-mageddon avoided for now.. But possibly still on the horizon for next year eh..

Aww what a star she is. You are obviously a very supportive and caring parent

❤️

In the old days it would be a three legged race, a sack race, an egg and spoon race or a relay race in teams carrying water in a teaspoon to fill up a jug. A bit of fun although someone might be embarrassed by falling over, dropping the egg or spilling the water, and others would blatantly cheat.