To not send DD10 into sport day tomo..

[SchmortzDay]

For context, DD is very active - she plays for the local girls football club and is part of a swim team and gymnastics club. But she hates sports day with a passion and always seems to be assigned a ‘novelty’ race, which causes her anxiety and embarrassment. She’s asked to be in a normal activity and has been fobbed off 2 years in a row.

She doesn’t have time off ever, hardly ever unwell and I’ve never done something like this before, but given it’s also going to be 30°c here tomo afternoon, I’m inclined to make an exception and let her have a day off at home (‘sick’). She’s a good kid and hasn’t asked for the day off, but I know it would be very well received.

What’s the verdict MN’ers!?

I’m not a fan of kids missing things which are part of normal school life because that’s not how it works in the world of work or elsewhere.

In the world of work, no adult would ever be compelled to take part in a novelty competition that they found anxiety provoking or embarrassing.

OP, if your DD is being assessed for ADHD then she is entitled to reasonable adjustments for her SEN. You don't need a diagnosis for reasonable adjustments, they're based on need not diagnosis. I would inform the school that she will not be taking part in any of the novelty races as they increase her anxiety and she does not derive any benefit from taking part. She can either enter one of the proper races, or just spectate and cheer her friends on.

its bloody sports day on a steaming hot day....of course you let her be off sick.

Unless you have a sporty competitive kid who enjoys competing, sports day is a waste of time. I was useless at sport and the only thing sports day (and PE lessons in general) achieved was giving me a life long hatred of sport.

Forgot to add, if they won't agree to this then they are BU and i'd defintely keep her off! And I say this as someone who works in a school and is in charge of Attendance!

Mine have always had a choice for sports day. Sometimes they want to and Sometimes they don't, I leave it up to them but I wouldn't do something fun instead of.

In primary: They'll get the morning or afternoon off.
In secondary: full day as sports day is all day.

@SchmortzDay

"She’s a good kid and hasn’t asked for the day off,"

and you're a good thoughtful, empathic Mum. 😎

Free your child.

What kind of message does this give to your child? That if you don't like something, you don't have to do it? And that if you don't want to do something, it's perfectly acceptable to lie?

I don't want to go to work, I don't want to pay taxes, is it OK if i do neither and lie about why I don't? That is what you're teaching your child.

There's a kid at DD's school who is sporty at the things he likes, but he can't cope with sports day. Every year he ends up in floods of tears, doesn't participate, and we all feel so sorry for him. Every year I hope his parents are going to keep him at home, but instead they come and support him. In a loving, supportive way, but still. The poor lad.

So no, YANBU, keep your DD off.

@HoskinsChoice

"I don't want to go to work, I don't want to pay taxes", hardly the same tbf.

Her daughter won't be a criminal.

Keep her off 100%. Sports days are the work of the devil and have no positive impact on anyone’s life ever. I hope she has a great day

Sports day is a waste of time. Is it supposed to be fun because for a lit if kids it's not. It's not exactly exercise either. Maybe 2 races of 2 minutes and the rest of the time sat on the grass.
.

You don’t have to justify it! Sports day is irrelevant to life and is a source of stress and embarrassment to many. If mine didn’t want to go to sports day, the didn’t go, if the did want to go, which was less than seldom, then they did. They’re all very fit, healthy, well adjusted young adults with great careers and good friends. Missing sports day had no impact whatsoever.

It doesn't really matter if she isn't there. We used to get children who hated it so much that they didn't actually do anything and weren't forced to join in any races and just watched. Could you organise this in the morning perhaps?
I remember one year in hot temperatures when the children didn't have any access to shade all afternoon and teachers didn't really look after them properly and some children got sun stroke and had to stay at home the next day.
I would just do whatever you want, it will be forgotten by next week anyway.

I wouldnt give her the day off, id just withdraw her from sports day. My son is Autistic and hates sports, he used to walk around with the teacher handing out water bottles, stickers etc and cheering his class on. Now that he is in a specialist school he actually joins in and loves sports day but its a very different experience than mainstream.

God I hated sports day, I was so rubbish and everyone would be mean to me. Wish I’d been able to stay at home! Keep her off and enjoy x

Ridiculous amount of people that think missing sports day is going to affect her life chances or ability to cope with work. It won’t. In real life you are not generally forced to do things you hate and have the autonomy to say no.
In my children’s schools, sports day is a whole day event. There’s no way I would be forced to spend the whole day outside doing something I don’t want in 30 degree heat so why should a child.

Let her stay off. I used to have to do this with mine on World Book Day, could not get him in fancy dress of any kind

I'll be a little bit biased due to my own experience- my asthma and autism both hadn't been diagnosed at that age but sports day was nightmarish for me! But I definitely don't think you'd be unreasonable to let her take the day off. Another poster made a great point, children that aren't strong in other subjects aren't forced to perform in front of the whole school (and parents in primary.)

Yeah, don't ever make your child do anything they don't want to do. What could possibly go wrong!

Personally I don’t ‘get’ all this sports day/insert other type of day angst

I agree
Kids should play the same card when they want to get out of a test. Maths tests can bring anxiety and embarrassment, drama and music are not optional in my local schools.

Don't feel like it? Just don't go

I agree. People often argue that it gives the non-academic kids a chance to shine but that weirdly assumes that kids are split into “academic but not sporty” and “sporty but not academic”. Some kids are neither. Surely anyone with ability shines in their lessons in the same way already (eg someone does well at maths, someone does well in PE, both are equal in terms of getting a well done from the teacher. And the sporty kids get more kudos from other kids tbh) And children are never asked to perform maths in front of the whole school plus parents - and if a school tried to introduce a mandatory “mathletes” day or spelling bee that all students had to compete in in teams with parents watching and a sense of “letting the team down” if they did badly, people would be outraged.
And the “gives non-academic kids a chance to shine” also seems to ignore how sporting prowess is widely celebrated both at school and in society.

How humiliating to be assigned to a novelty race when she takes sport seriously.

what's humiliating?

If it was competitive races all the way, parents would complain it would disadvantage their kids. There are mix events, you'd think it's a good thing?

If you do take sport seriously, surely you are not "humiliated" when you lose.

If you believe a school is setting up genuinely humiliating and bullying events, then raise hell and get them cancelled. But saying that's it's "humiliating" to be part of a race that gives others a chance? You sound like one of the bullies.

I was fairly good at most sports at school, and enjoyed participating in pe, but I dreaded sports day, I felt sick with fear in the run up to it. I hated the cheering crowd and the screeching pushy mums, I felt as though I was being made a spectacle of. (Which of course I was) I never willingly engaged, and can remember the sports teacher physically dragging me by my wrists onto the field to do an egg and spoon race. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I would let her stay home. Its just one pointless event in her life.

Let her stay at home if she wants to. Wouldn't bother me at all.

But I'm curious about the race thing. Don't you get to do all the races? Do some kids get novelty races and some get serious running races? That doesn't seem very fair. Would she want to go if she could choose the events she's in?

But overall I'd just not send her. It's hardly worth worrying about.

I was a kid in the 70s where there was no choice, no screens and everyone was skinny - we played out all the time. I can assure you there are plenty of people of my generation and all the way up to the epidemic of childhood obesity that are scarred by sports day and the aggressive competitiveness fostered in PE generally.

It actually doesn’t encourage a love of sports or physical exercise - the exact opposite. And yet many of us went on to find enjoyment in that under our own volition as adults when the public humiliation element was removed. So what a waste of people’s potential and health just for the benefit of the sporty ones, who were always popular anyway.