Aibu for saying dd14 has to have a hobby

[Isntitisntitisntit]

She has a hobby she moans about constantly she would quite happily give it up -
however my rule is she either has to have a hobby or do volunteer work - if I didn't have this rule she'd be in bed or up the park half the time
she absolutely refuses to do a lot else
because of this she just stays at this hobby she says she hates rather than trying something new

if I give suggestions she says I'm overwhelming her

I really am struggling with the complete la l of motivation she has to do anything

Why does she have to have a hobby? Or volunteer?

Because as I said if she doesn't she won't do anything else - aside from sit in her room on tik Tok all day or argue with me about how she's not cleaning her room or not doing her homework

It doesn’t sound like much of a hobby if she doesn’t enjoy it? Aren’t hobbies supposed to be fun?

I don't have any family to help her dads not around no siblings no family to visit so she can be very isolated

Totally agree. Yanbu. I have the same problem. Schools, work and training programmes in 5 years will all require some commitment to...anything. but what 14 yo wants to think about that? Their brains aren't developed yet.

Well this is the thing she doesn't think anything is fun! Everything I try to organise or do she hates this wa stage last thing she liked and now saying she hates it.

Poor lass. Cool your jets and allow her to have time to herself. It's essential to her mental and physical health especially at her age.

So she doesn’t sit around like a lazy thoughtless screen junky destroying her mental health and not being of any use to anyone.

I never had a hobby or volunteered, and I do find it hard to know what to do with myself when the kids are in bed now that I’m grown up! Encouraging her to have interests is great but I wonder if pressuring her to do something she doesn’t want to do will have the opposite effect you’re hoping for. Would she prefer hobbies at home? Cooking/painting?

Stick with your plan to insist she does something. It’s what she’s always known. Loosen this and it’ll be a slippery slope to your teen being in their room all day doing f’all

Just because she has a hobby why do you think she has no time to herself?? It may only be one or two evenings a week….

I wish I could find something she likes but she turns her nose up at absolutely everything - If I said ok leave she would just sit in her room and eat me out of house and home! I'm genuinely worried she doesn't seem to like anything

This is ridiculous- she doesn't have to have a hobby, nor does she have to volunteer. You can't make rules and force people to be motivated, the motivation has to come from inside. Back off and give her some space to find out what really interests her.

I think you’re going a great job. A lot of parents could do well to copy you.

She has more than enough time to her self - I can't understand why it's cruel to want her to enjoy something that isn't tik tok or Snapchat

Tried that when I tell you this girl has no other interest other than talking to her friends on snap chat or meeting them down the park I really am not lying. The hell I have to go through to get her to ecen tidy her room is insane!

You can’t make people enjoy themselves. I had a friend with a mother like you when I was her age. She was beyond jealous because I was allowed to spend the majority of my time with my head in a book.

I agree with you! There is still more than enough time for teenagers to relax. I have never had as much free time as I did as a teenager and I had hobbies.

DS is 9 so not a teenager but we insist on swimming lessons, one sporty hobby and one non sporty hobby. DS does tennis and Cubs. He has also just started bowls at the club in our village as they run a kids session. He still has masses of free time to relax at home.

The OP has already said that what interests her is sitting in her room on TikTok. Is this what you’d allow your children to do with their time? As has been said, her brain isn’t fully developed yet so the OP is trying to guide her until it is. Nothing wrong at all with requiring a hobby or volunteer work from your teens.

Iv taken her to the theatre ro London or to shows she just sits there and falls asleep, walks she won't go on always I'll, shppping she has a hissy fit. Ecen shopping for her birthday she wasn't happy with! I'm actually scared about what happens if she doesn't have a hobby . She can't cope with any one saying anything she perceives as negative (when really it's not)

It might not have been needed in the past but with the opportunity to scroll 24 hours a day I’d say any hobby or sport is better than none.

This is what I know would happen
im worried about why she just seems so negative about everything

To be honest at the moment she feels that the school day is so overwhelming she can't do anything else! I'm really worried about how she will cope in the adult world

Could you incentivise her with her screen time? She has to do her homework and keep her room tidy and an hour or two of a screen free activity of her choice per day in exchange for the wifi code?

It's one evening and some competitions across 6 months