DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

[RachSmit]

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

Id bloody hurt his feeling by saying lidly every time - what on earth are you doing!

My other half is like this and I hate it. He says it’s how he shows affection but I’ve told him it’s not how I want to receive affection. Currently stuck in the same situation so interested in people’s responses.

Ewww. No.

Why are his feelings more important than yours? Your body is yours, it belongs to you and nobody else. Nobody should be able to touch you in a way that you don't welcome. Fuck his hurt feelings.

What a disgusting man. Believe me people are not ‘jealous’ seeing you get slapped, groped and pinched in public. It’s sexual harassment/ assault. Doesn’t matter that it’s your partner, you’ve told him not to touch you like that and he’s still doing it. It’s abusive

God, I'd be suppressing the blighter every time. If that's "who he is" he needs to be a different person.

How old is he? 16?

I'd be inclined to say very loudly "I'm not your sex toy" if he persisted in embarrassing me with unwanted and inappropriate contact in public like that.

Its sexual assault - you've told him you're uncomfortable and he ignores you
What other boundaries does he ignore?

This. Why do you have to put up with it just because it makes him happy? It’s YOUR body, stand up for yourself OP. Be serious with him.

I would make it really clear that it's unacceptable to you and makes you incredibly uncomfortable and if he does it again then you would have to reconsider the relationship. It's not 'just who he is'. He is entirely capable of controlling his behaviour.

Yet he doesn't mind hurting you and embarrassing you in public. He shouldn't be harassing you like this, it's very aggressive. Tell him to cut it out or start whacking him on the nose with a rolled up magazine.

Im sorry, humping you in public?! Is he a fucking In Betweener?

My husband and I are affectionate in public. Hold hands whilst walking, even a little kiss sometimes (not a full blown snog, I'm hasten to add!). However, he doesn't slap my arse in public or pretend to hump me!! I would be embarrassed. Is your husband trying to 'mark' his territory, because it's like a Tom cat spraying, to say 'this is mine'?!!! Have you slapped his arse back in public or tried to grab his balls?! I ask, because perhaps you need too, so he can see how uncomfortable and inappropriate it is?! Of course, it could backfire spectacularly, and he enjoys it! You need to have a honest conversation with him, tell him you don't mind holding hands or a kiss in public but the rest is over the top and makes you feel like a piece of meat, especially as you've told him before and he's ignored you.

How about talking to him and say please can you tone it down a bit.

Urgh. I had a BF like this when I was a student. It was pretty annoying then but at least we were young and typically surrounded by other students who were generally pretty feral too. As a grown up - hard no.

Why would anyone be jealous of that? Literally anyone could do it but people don't because no one likes it

Ewwwwwwwwww

Op, I work in the arena of stopping VAWG and this is considered sexual harassment. You are being abused. Take it seriously

I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

He sees you as an accessory to inspire jealousy in others and he's marking his territory to let everyone know you're his possession. He's a pig.

I'd dump him but if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt you could tell him one more time that he has to stop. If he gets upset you know he prioritises his feelings over yours and you can then decide if you're willing to put up with that.

Have you slapped his arse back in public or tried to grab his balls?!

FFS don't recommend she does that!

Absolutely unacceptable. He's deliberately doing it to show that you are 'his' property. He might as well be pissing up your leg as humping it.

I'd sit down tonight and say to him VERY clearly 'I do not want to be touched in public in any kind of way other than you holding my hand if we are walking together. If you do this adolescent groping one more time I will end the relationship and walk away. Do you understand this, because I've raised it before and you aren't listening. This is a deal breaker to me'.

No one is jealous.

Any witnesses are thinking that poor woman, what is she doing with such a juvenile creep?

You've asked him to stop multiple times.
He ignores you.
He doesn't listen to you.
He doesn't respect you or your boundaries.

Why do you tolerate it? Most women wouldn't.

Your life is not an episode of Benny Hill OP. How about asking him to be a bit more Mr Darcy and a little less dickhead.

@RachSmit It's your body and your choice. I would absolutely insist on this.

But, I think that he already doesn't understand about body autonomy and is taking the piss.

My actual response would be to say in an aggressive tone that I do not like that and if you do it again in public this would be the end of our relationship becuase I have asked once and i will not ask again.
Whether that is the right or wrong way to deal with it, ai don't know. But that is what I would do and also I would follow through.