DP is very ‘hands on‘ in public and I feel embarrassed

[RachSmit]

My partner is a touchy feely person - I liked this at first as it was affectionate and not over the top. Over time though, this has become more public and I feel like it’s gone too far. I’d mentioned this and he stopped but it has creeped in again and I fear that’s just who he is.

It has developed to things like groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

Yesterday we were walking back to the car after a shop and he slapped it loudly enough for a couple of people near by to turn around. I told him in the car on the way back that it was embarrassing they looked and he said they were just jealous they can’t do it themselves.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is but I don’t think I can put up with it for much longer. Do you agree it’s over the top now? Has anyone else had a partner like this and any tips to dealing with it?

Does it not make you lose respect for him?

It's short answers like this that make me think that something ain't right.

You've told him to stop so it's abuse. Is he a sandwich short of a picnic? It probably physically hurts too. I'll slap his fucking face hard after the first warning. And then leave.

Tell him if he does it again you'll slap him and definitely do slap him. If that doesn't work ltb.

I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is Why not? Because he doesn’t give a shit about how you feel, or that you have to suppress who you are, does he?

"I really don’t want to hurt his feelings and surpress who he is"

Who he is is a massive pervert, OP. Pretending to hump you in public isn't 'touchy feely' is fucking gross. I couldn't be with someone like that.

He'd slap my arse once and I'd slap his face, itd be an automatic reaction. Get rid, he's an idiot.

My ex-boyfriend used to do this. I agree, it’s a form of marking ’his’ territory, but it’s puerile adolescent behaviour.

I got so hacked off with it one night when we were out with his workmates and he kept doing it that I yelled at him to stop touching me up, stalked out of the pub and went home. He had the cheek to phone me the following day and rant at me that I’d embarrassed him in front of his colleagues. I told him to fuck off to the far side of fuck and ditched him.

Have you tried doing it to him?

Rape alarm then, each time he does it. Draw attention to it.

That’s sounds over the top and like he needs a talking to.

That said, my partner and I are very touchy feely. I think it’s part of what makes us compatible. We always hold hands walking down the street, cuddle, say ‘I love you’ ten times a day. This is after 3 kids and 11 years married. My point is: being compatible on this front is hugely beneficial for our relationship. I imagine being incompatible on this front is equally detrimental?!

Doing something you don’t like, ie slapping your bum could be considered assault

i would sit him down and tell him that you don’t like it, it has to stop and if he does it again that’s assault as you have asked him to stop and is that really what he wants to do

Show him some clips of male sheep wearing those coloured markers to show which ewes they have mated with. Tell him that is what he looks like, and how it makes you feel.

groping/pinching my bum in a queue despite people being near by, and coming up behind me if I was bent over to pick something up to pretend to hump me.

That's not "affectionate", it's just gross.

You've told him you don't like it. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings, OP. I'd be willing to bet this isn't the only aspect of the relationship where he's selfish and disregards your feelings.

You need a conversation where you tell him this has to stop. Make it clear that if he won't stop it could be a deal-breaker.

Makes you sound like more of a possession of his then a person in your own right.
Especially if you have asked him not too .
Shows a huge lack of respect for you.

Total deal breaker.
Make it clear.
If he won't stop, I'd end it personally.

What you describe is sexual harassment and sexual assault.

www.police.uk/ro/report/rsa/alpha-v1/advice/rape-sexual-assault-and-other-sexual-offences/what-are-rape-sexual-assault/

Sexual assault is when someone touches you sexually without your permission, with an object or body part.

The legal definition of 'sexual' depends on whether a 'reasonable person' would consider something sexual.

It is also an offence if someone gets you to do or see something sexual without your permission.

You should make it very clear to him that he doesn’t have your consent or permission.

And seek advice from a domestic abuse organisation.

I couldn't be with someone who didn't respect me, and as you've told him no and he's still doing it he clearly doesn't respect you. Would be game over as far as I'm concerned.

Agree.

The response to sexual assault shouldn’t be to reciprocate, as this could suggest you consent or give permission.

If someone did that repeatedly against my states wishes, when they slap me I'd probably slap them back.

If that idea scares you, take that seriously too.

You don’t want to suppress his pervy ways? Come on wake up. This is disgusting and so disrespectful of you. Don’t you care?

It’s really sad that so many women feel unable to tell their partners ‘I don’t like X, so stop doing it to me.’ Not ‘people are looking’ or hints or any of that - just straight up, ‘stop’.

OP, your body belongs to you. You have full control over it, you call the shots, he isn’t entitled to touch in any way to which you don’t consent. Ever.

Stop worrying about ‘suppressing’ him and tell him, directly and categorically, to stop. If he doesn’t immediately apologise and stop forever, he’s a piece of shit that doesn’t respect you and you should LTB. There is no grey area here.

He’s coming up behind her and simulating humping. In public. That’s not in the same realm as what you and your partner do and I imagine he’d be hard pressed to find a woman who enjoyed that.

This